3 comments

AmericanGoddess [OP]November 30, 2024

Basically if your dude is an a-hole most of the time, but some of the time he does thoughtful or considerate things, that means he's an abuser 100% of the time because those nice gestures are actually part of the abuse cycle and designed to trap you there by making you question yourself, and ask yourself if he's really all bad, so you stay and keep taking more of his sh-t for longer.

RedmageNovember 30, 2024

To clarify, it snot even about "most of the time" or a percentage of time at all.

He will be nice so long as you are exhibiting that he is in control. If he feels out of control (which is a feeling that can be triggered by you or outside influences), then he will do something abusive again to increase the symptoms of active abuse and help him feel more in control again.

IronicWolfNovember 30, 2024

It is easy to leave somebody who is horrible 100% of the time. However, somebody who mixes in niceness, sweet gestures and thoughtfulness is somebody you stick with: abusers know this.