When I started my current job as a developer, on day one as soon as I walked in the office with my boss to be introduced to their dev team (whom I was supposed to consult for support with the platform I am developing a feature for), as soon as I set foot in the room this middleaged scrote, whom I had never met in my life, starts making dirty jokes about the "advantages" in me being hired, and about the "curves" of the monitors, when my boss asked me (not him) if I prefered straight or curved monitors. I went to the office a couple times more to setup my pc and this old scrote would constantly intrude conversations with dirty jokes. I didn't talk at all during these times, I was just working on my pc while I heard them chatter (so he did this with his colleagues). One time he had the audacity to walk by me and smile at me with the greasiest, grossest smile.
After my pc was ready I talked to the project manager and my boss (the CISO) about this situation. I stressed about this for weeks and when I told them, this is what they told me: > We know he says those things, he's creepy, we understand you feel uncomfortable. We've warned him about these situations before because sometimes he goes too far (!). We will transfer your pc to another office.
And the guy still works there. Later I spoke to the CISO and he told me that I should "get used to it" because in IT I am going to meet a lot of guys like this! I told him that in other places I should be able to complain and he'd get in trouble, and the CISO didn't really argue against that, he just told me he warned the guy to be more careful and don't say these things to people he doesn't know. I was given the option to work remotely and I haven't been back there in a long time.
Has something like this ever happened to you?
Men roll their eyes when I complain, women usually tell me to get used to it.
I'm good at maneuvering around creeps fortunately. I spent years as a bartender. Sometimes I wonder if they can see the utter loathing and repulsion in my eyes.
Sometimes I wonder if they can see the utter loathing and repulsion in my eyes.
I reckon that's part of the fun for them 🤮
Thankfully, this has become much rarer now for me than it was 20 years ago. I try to differentiate between socially awkward men (but harmless), and creepy men. Sounds like you found one of the latter.
The best way that I have found to deal with it is to challenge them on their behavior as soon as it happens and set a boundary. In this case, I would put on a disappointed face and tell him he is not funny and to please stop. He'll likely tell you that you shouldn't be so sensitive, and that it was just a joke. I emphasize how the jokes were just bad, he's no Dave Chappelle, and that I hope he's better at his day job. I then tell him that I am too busy to deal with the HR hassle today, but if he isn't, that I guess we could arrange some remedial anti-harassment training for him. Do this in front of other (male) co-workers if possible. Be careful about asking him question about his behavior since that just invites more engagement.
If they are the awkward type, I am a little softer about it. More of how I know they are not a bad guy, but that kind of stuff could be misinterpreted and can get them into trouble with HR. This type usually gets the message quickly.
You want to avoid the escalation ladder: Intrusion > Desensitization > Isolation > Assault
He's sliding into phase two there unless you shut it down.
No worries, I only went there for a couple of days to setup remote access and then I moved offices, went to my office for a few days and haven't set foot there in months. The creepy guy never talked to me again. I don't have to talk to him, I work almost exclusively with one of the devs.
Glad to hear that he's not part of your daily job.
Yes, I have had this happen, but not often anymore. I have asked the management types if he's really so talented to put up with the risk and liability that he is exposing them to. I have no shame in that regard.
This is so sad/infuriating/gross. Are these losers on the cusp of curing cancer completely on their own? A) I suspect not and B) that still wouldn't make it ok. Oh, the reason women are so underrepresented in STEM is that chicks can't do math
"Chicks can't do math" makes me stabby. I love math. I've loved it since I was a kid. I do math/stats for a living. And I know the "hard math" dudes wouldn't consider what I do STEM because I do math to support a program that serves babies and toddlers with special needs.
Fuck them.
I do STEM. And I do social services. At the same time. Go me!
BTW, mixing STEM with social services means you work with a lot of smart women and whole lot less asshole dudes.
One dude had the fucking audacity of saying I must have a lot of "male energy" since I'm so good at math and technical things. I should have slapped his shit.
He was a WokeBro of course, the biggest misogynists.
Um, yea. It's bad. I've complained about other sorts of discrimination more frequently than sexual harassment (although I've complained about that too). It's always minimized. Sometimes there's retaliation.
"We will transfer your pc to another office." Nonono they should be transferring CREEPY GUY to another place, not you.
Yep, but ain't getting him out of there apparently. And now he's figured I will cause him problems if he tries anything with me so there isn't the possibility of getting him to do or say something and recording it either.