I was hoping for some experiences and advice for dealing with men who skinwalk as women in the STEM workplace. These fields are already extremely unfriendly to females, and we know how many TiMs secretly both despise and fetishize real women. Any links to previous discussions of this topic would be appreciated as well.

• What do you do if one of these men wants to bond with you "as a fellow girl?"

• What do you do if one of these men is asking questions of you that are not appropriate, such as invasive personal or sexual questions?

• What is the best way to react if one of these men is oversharing inappropriate and inaccurate/offensive details about their life as a "woman/girl?"

Please, share your experiences (and hopefully successes) with me. I'm trying to prepare myself for this possibility. There are more and more of these people in the computer fields. I seem to trip over them in any computer conference.

I'm assuming heading to HR immediately may cause huge friction between you and other people that work with both of you, as the self-victimization and oversharing will lead to them telling everyone how horrible you are.

I'm also assuming that focusing entirely on your work and not discussing anything else with your colleagues will lead to you being labeled as unfriendly or mean.

Are there strategies for changing the topic or keeping yourself as uninteresting to them as possible? Grey rocking?