44
"Womb cancer is the sixth most common cancer affecting women, with approximately 382,000 new diagnoses and 89,900 deaths from the disease in 2018 globally.
Most women present early following the onset of postmenopausal bleeding and have a good prognosis.
However, 20% of women present with advanced disease, and have a 5-year survival rate of just 15%".
https://www.manchester.ac.uk/discover/news/simple-urine-test-can-detect-womb-cancer/
I've realized that the reason I've been able to move from an unhappy life in general to a much, much happier one is that I've always had the money and ability to leave relationships/situations that weren't working out. I can't imagine throwing away my power to GTFO. I'd always dreamed of being taken care of, not having to work, but the reality is that when I imagine trying to do that it is always terrifying. Winning the Lottery and not having to work would be ideal, but throwing away your independence, your life raft, your escape hatch? Hell no!
I am in a much better situation than this woman, but after many years of being a stay at home wife and homeschooling (which I actually like doing and which suits our kids well, but which I wouldn’t do if I didn’t feel like I had to), and I still deeply regret having given up my financial independence. If I could go back and tell myself ONE thing, it would be to always have my own source of income, and if I could tell myself two things, the second thing would be to invest in land under my name before marriage. But remote, work-on-your-own-schedule sources of income were hard to come by when I was younger.
I would advise a woman to always have a job, even just 1 day a week. That way you always have a current working history and income.
I hear you. I'm glad you're doing well, you sound like you made decent choices in life that worked out fairly well.
Oh no.
Hey! So my husband and I have these same questions asked to us. I’m 20 and he’s 34, we have been together since I was 18 and he was 32. It’s never been weird between us, I never felt soooo much younger than him or like he was soooo much older than me. Our relationship is the healthiest most respectful relationship I’ve ever been in. I also had a rough background and rough family life. Moved out at 15. We now have a 3 month old baby and it’s the most amazing thing ever. I don’t consider my relationship to have been groomed in the SLIGHTEST. I think it really depends on person to person though, not all 18/19 year olds are the same lol. Some people should not be in a age gap relationship, but as for me and mines, it works beautifully for us ☺️ I hope that you can silence peoples opinions and sometimes traumas and look at your situation for what it is!!
Oh no. It's so expected and at the same time you know that he odds of her getting out of her are even lower.
Older women have usually had more of a chance to build a separate support network and gain some work experience and/or education. So of course he wouldn't want any of those.
This is so fucking sad. I hope this woman can get away. I hope she has a relative who can take her and her baby in. Also, i hope she keeps the receipts about him wanting to fuck around so she can use those in the divorce
So many young women seem to be lacking in support, and confidence, to be mothers.
Sadly, a lot of American culture has done away with "The Village". So women who have babies are generally very isolated. And they face extreme judgement if they admit to being overwhelmed and ask for help
"The Village" is the thing that happened when no women were allowed to go to work and they all shat out tons of kids and be miserable so they huddled up to be miserable together.
You should be glad women have a choice now. Having kids is a choice, so arrange for your own helpers before popping them out. Not whine about it afterwards. They have only their own lack of preparation to blame.
You should be glad women have a choice now. Having kids is a choice, so arrange for your own helpers before popping them out. Not whine about it afterwards. They have only their own lack of preparation to blame.
Thank you for proving my point.
Also, someone who fancies themselves a feminist should know that its not always a choice (especially now that Roe is overturned). But even putting that aside, its misogynistic to say that any woman who pops out a baby deserves whatever misfortune befalls her because, "you CHOSE this, you dumb breeder!!"
A woman can have children under ideal circumstances only for the rug to be pulled out from under her because her mother died, her husband left, one of her kids became disabled in an accident and needs 24/7 care, etc. Does she deserve to struggle alone because she didn't anticipate and prepare for every possible catastrophe before she had a baby?
Also, way to let men off the hook for their responsibility in creating and caring for children
I just wanted some new ideas from a man's perspective of what they would want to receive
I won't even take a guess on how many replies start with "anal"
That poor woman. I feel so sorry for her :(
I do, but my sympathy is tempered by the overall idiocy and smug vibe in the earlier comments.
I do, but my sympathy is tempered by the overall idiocy and smug vibe in the earlier comments.
Mine isn't. Some women have to learn these lessons the hard way (especially if they grew up in a deeply religious/trad culture). It doesn't mean that they deserve to be abused by shitty men
I’m with you. I tried to read more of her profile and posts to get better idea of her life and yikes.
Ok I had self deleted my own comment until I could digest what happened here in this series. I feel so sad for this woman. It's kind of like how it started vs. how it's going. Omg sweetie, run if you can!
I had to fight the impulse to downvote your post because that's just so depressing. Hope she gets out.
Originally I'd just been disgusted by the latest thread replies but the look at the profile was so incredibly depressing. https://reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/1iot1n3/is_this_normal/
I mean...biologically, we're designed to "leave a deposit" and move on, as it were.
Redditors are so gross.
I think men were "biologically designed" to be helpmeets.
The way the men were all like oh yes, we think about sexing other women and not the one we chose to marry all the time. That poor woman's self esteem must be in the dirt.
The fact she is trapped at home, has no access to money and has to ask like a child- desperately trying to act like a porn star so he doesn't stray.
I feel so so bad for her.
And that poor daughter that's going to grow up in that environment.
This woman may not love herself. But I hope she loves her daughter enough to get out of that relationship before its too late
Oh god I missed that this was all the same woman, thought it was some unhinged tradwife subreddit 😭😭
I find it kinda funny that she went unmedicated and seemed to want to tell everyone about it. My mom did the same thing, she would tell anyone who would listen about her unmedicated vbac. No one cares! I would feel sympathy except this lady would be the first to tell me I’m selfish for being childfree, so I don’t care. Good luck with that cheating pos husband!
No woman deserves domestic violence or to be held captive by an abuser via financial dependency. It doesn't matter if you think she's a bitch based on a handful of reddit posts. NO WOMAN DESERVES THIS!!!
I would feel sympathy except this lady would be the first to tell me I’m selfish for being childfree
You don't know this.
so I don’t care. Good luck with that cheating pos husband!
And this, right here, is why a lot of mothers feel left behind by feminism.
You don't have to like someone personally or agree with their politics to feel bad that they (and their INFANT) are being abused
My mom did the same thing, she would tell anyone who would listen about her unmedicated vbac. No one cares!
I care. That's badass.
I'm shocked that somebody downvoted this.
I'm shocked that somebody downvoted this.
I'm not. Sadly, a lot of women (including those who fancy themselves feminist) have a hard time shaking off the belief that some women deserve male violence on account of being a trad-wife, a "breeder", a "bitch", or having any number of bad opinions
I'm sure most of them don't believe trad wives deserve abusive men. If they could press a button to make the woman see her own misery and find a way out, they would.
But that's the problem. Stockholm women never see their misery as misery. Therein lies other women's (the ones who want to help them) frustration.
I understand the psychological state of these women. They grew up in similarly abusive homes and took that as "normal". Plus the religious brainwashing.
But you must also understand the POV of people who want to help them. It gets frustrating after a while telling these women they are making harmful life choices and they keep doing it anyway and get more miserable for it. Even if it's someone who understands the psychological reason for their mindset, it's hard to not throw your hands up and go "Go back to your POS cheating husband and shit out the 3rd kid for him then!", which they promptly proceeded to do and digged their own hole deeper. They have to be handled by a professional, normal people don't have the patience and skill to effectively change their mindset.
On the childfree part, spacykate is right. These women's sense of self is tied up with their motherhood. When a person's sense of self is tied up with something, their ego will lash out violently they perceive you invalidating that thing. Just like how TRAs go rabid when you say facts like their maleness.
So they put motherhood on a pedestal and worship it. Anyone dares say facts that paint motherhood in a bad light, they get rabid. Because it is not just motherhood they are putting on that pedestal. It is their ego. It is their only (perceived) achievement in life. If you invalidate their achievement in life, what do they have left?
These are the kind of women who see adherence to patriarchal values = virtue. Muslim women who sneer at Western women for being sluts. If you get raped, they will not feel sympathy for you. They think you deserve it. Likewise, these abused women will also think childfree women deserve it if men leave them for being childfree. Nevertheless the fact that childfree, single women are 100x happier than these miserable abused mothers. They will still extol the virtues of being subservient to men and "multiply".
They also do not deserve sympathy for subjecting their children to abuse by default. This is the kind of women who gleefully let their husbands sexually abuse their children and help cover up the abuse to outsiders. Do not think they love their children. They only love the ego boost and social currency they get from adhering to their group's values. Traditional handmaidens, so to speak.
It also does not help that modern feminism emphasizes choice without taking in account that some choices are inherently harmful. I saw some women on here advocate that tradwifery is a valid choice like any other and that feminists should support their choice. Lol. You can't have your cake and eat it too. If you truly have women's best interests in mind, you will see that some groups of women are predisposed toward ruining themselves for men. They are literally encouraging these women to rely on someone else to support their own ass. Bad advice for anyone, not just women. If you are truly a feminist i.e. not wanting women to be abused, you will actively discourage trad wives from their stupid lifestyle.
Lastly, "badass" is the wrong word to use to describe someone who wilfully chooses pain when a painless option is available. That is called "stupid".
I get where you're coming from regarding frustration with friends and family who refuse to extricate themselves from shit situations. Compassion fatigue is real. But there's a difference between giving up on a dipshit cousin who just had a third baby with her cheating scrote boyfriend who just got out of jail, and saying that ALL women in these situations are bad people who don't deserve empathy because you believe that they all chose their situations and would hate you for being childfree. Demonizing these women as a whole only serves to further isolate them
No, there's no difference. The problem is this type of Stockholm women drive away anyone who wants to help them. They sometimes whine about their problem like this but the moment you tell them "just ditch that POS", they immediately backtrack and start singing praise of her beloved husband. "Oh, he actually loves me/the kids a lot, he's just got a bad temper." That "bad temper" of his traumatized the kids for life. But the woman would rather keep subjecting them to her violent, sometimes pedophilic husband than leave him.
I understand the psychological state of these women. They grew up under abusive parents and took that as normal. If their husband just beat them with words instead of sticks like their father, they consider their husband "a loving man." Then religions extol suffering and they believe they are living a virtue. The constant belittling also breaks down their already fragile egos even further, leaving them with nothing.
But that is precisely why they will unconsciously look for ways to beat down other people in an attempt to feel better about themselves. No, they would never judge their husband. They are above them. They will look for peers and people weaker than them i.e. their children. The safe victims. The childfree is just one of many of their targets. They see modesty and purity as virtues and see women who dress sexily, women who lose their virginity before marriage, women who divorce, etc. as beneath them. Hell even working women will be looked down on by trad wives as "not being as dedicated to family as them." Anything to make themselves feel better. Depending on your closeness they will say it to your face or not, but have no doubt these women's ego gets a boost every time you suffer. They see it as you being "rightly punished" for not adhering to the same patriarchal values as them.
Just because they are victimized by the men in their lives does not mean they cannot become perpetrators to their children and other unfortunate women in their lives. By staying with these men they are already abuse enablers by default to their children.
I am not demonizing them. I already told you I understand why they are what they are. I give the full picture out here so people can decide for themselves whether to empathize with them or not. But as I said these women need to be handled by professionals. Normal people will get nothing but frustration outta trying to help them.
I'm not sure what makes me more upset: the couple having sex 4 weeks postpartum or the husband's clear plan or current action of having his cake and eating it too. Peak 4B material.
And of course he drops the open marriage bomb after she's had a baby and is far less able to cut her losses and leave him (or find her own fuck toy to bang on the side)