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Option to save comments?
I see there's an option to save posts which I'm glad for but when I looked to save a comment I didn't see that option - is this something that may be implemented in the future?
I have pretty severe ADHD and it's made making friends really hard. I wish I had some advice to offer you but all I really have to offer right now is solidarity. Idk how to not misinterpret situations. It gets to a point where I start feeling like everyone's against me and I just don't want to bother anymore.
Ironically, the people that have made me feel the worst about it (like loudly asking me if I have ADHD or something in front of everyone as if that's at all a cool thing to do (maybe I'm not the socially stupid one afterall??)) are the same people who quickly made their lil bluesky accounts and supposedly care about all these social issues, including neurodivergence. That starts making me just hate them more.
All of this feels very relatable to me ❤️ I run into these sort of situations often
For me what worked was practice (unfortunately). Keep putting yourself out there, keep getting rejected. Eventually you will build thick skin. A lot of my generation is very thin skinned and I personally find that annoying.
Now I'm pretty good at socializing, hell I've had people compliment on how I'm "easy to get along with". I usually end the day absolutely exhausted from this performance when I need to go to social events but I don't really see a way out.
Another important thing is to cultivate a dgaf attitude. "Idgaf if these people don't like me" "I will be polite but idgaf if I come off awkward" A lot of times, this confidence can save you and people are attracted to confidence. Any social mistakes you make will disappear if you're confident and chill about it.
I usually end the day absolutely exhausted from this performance when I need to go to social events but I don't really see a way out.
Learning that you don't need to accept every conversation you are invited to, take an interest in every topic during the conversation, or even maintain politeness in every situation.
Your energy and your time is precious. Be selective. Choose how you spend it, according to your own priorities and not others'. You are allowed to: walk away, say no, and be short with people when you need to be. That's how humans enforce boundaries.
Naw I have to because I want to climb the ladder at work. I definitely follow this advice for friends though. I used to do everything and I really learned from that
I get you 100%. It can be really hard to exist with people when you feel like you aren’t understood or being listened to. For me, I would overthink a lot and then spew word vomit at people, and I’d be very upset when they didn’t respond immediately the way I wanted, and I kept critiques on my conscious that really meant nothing at all. I am very much a “need an answer now” kind of person when I’m upset, but the reality is one of the best things you can do when you’re in emotional distress is just… take some time to calm down and self soothe.
I know all of these answers will sound fake or like a waste of advice, but they really helped me so much in allowing me to control my emotions, instead of letting my emotions control me impulsively.
Count to 5 slowly, focus on the breath. This is a form of easy to start meditation, but can also be a way to regulate your nervous system. Hot bath, brisk walk, and a hot meal can all also go a long way to reset your mind. Look up black and white thinking and see if you can find techniques to change that thought process, such as avoiding “ultimates” (always, never, only) and having patience for others to process and respond.
Sometimes I can’t help my thoughts from spiraling. Put on a timer for 10 minutes and let your brain go wild on the topic, reaching every far flung conclusion and thought. Then, reflect on those thoughts in a journal, or talk to someone you trust about it and talk through it, as sometimes things become easier to manage when you hear them aloud with an extra perspective.
I hope this helps. It’s one of the hardest things to work through imo
Misunderstood a situation and left prematurely as I felt uncomfortable and thought this would be the best thing to do. Turns out it wasn’t as severe as I thought it was and now everyone’s feelings are hurt including my own.
I wonder if you aren't catastrophizing a bit. The implied assumption here seems to be that you fucked up the friendships beyond repair, but I bet that's not true. The great thing about relationships is that they generally give us lots of chances; sometimes indefinite chances. If you're feeling guilty I think it's good practice to reflect on whether or not you really did something wrong. If so, apologize. If on the other hand it was more just a socially awkward moment, try to accept that (and realize that such moments happen to everyone), and move on. Don't give up on these people, or yourself, over a disappointing situation. Relationships are way more resilient than you seem to be giving them credit for.
I did catastrophize. It just hurts a lot. It hurts because I often think relationships are made from glass because of my anxious attachment style.
I’ve been diagnosed for 35 years with adhd and always had the same kind of problems. I would chalk it up to doing what was best for you in the moment. One of the most important things I’ve learned over the years is to care less about things like this. I know it sounds cruel to the other people, but all you can do is do the best for yourself at that moment.
I have been really feeling this lately. I think I am coming to terms with having some sort of neurodivergence that affects me a lot more than I'd like to believe it does.
Try to learn from each experience, because the more you live and learn, the easier it will get because you'll have more information to use in future social situations. It's definitely gotten easier for me as I've gotten older, but I do make an effort to learn from each awkward experience I have.
I’ve been in similar sounding situations, where I’ve reacted similarly. I think all you can really do is just apologize sincerely (even if you weren’t really at fault) if you want to try to salvage some friendships or relationships, and just accept the consequences of what happened, and try to move forward and to try to learn as much as you can from this situation. Sometimes it’ll still be hard to know what to do the next time a similar situation happens but I think it gets easier over time to learn how to avoid repeating some mistakes at least.
In the future, over time, I think you’ll end up feeling okay about the situation because sometimes the people who react badly to your ways of communicating aren’t really the people that you would enjoy keeping around in your life, if they’re adding stress for you.
My hot take is that we're often more prone to doing the right things and interpreting situations correctly, and most people don't like that.
We're aware and seeing everything accurately, they would just rather take the easier path and blame the person accidently and effortlessly poking holes in their empty fantasy lives they've built with no substance.
I kind of see that to be honest. I'm not neurodivergent as far as I know but I did grow up a gooody-two-shoes bookworm who struggled with social cues and one thing that took me too long to learn was that most people genuinely do not want to put in effort to most things in life. The "normal" or "cool" ways of socializing are most often just the laziest. It's also "normal" to have malice and ego in one's actions so people will oftentimes go against their own interests without realizing, whether it is lying, disrupting others, misinforming, etc. which ultimately hurts everybody and makes life go slower.
A nice model of how society actually works is car traffic and driving. There are rules but oftentimes people disregard them, or just find the most conventional way to abuse them. Turns out the safest way to drive is not to do the safest thing, but to actually drive unsafely like your average John, because then most people will understand what you're doing behind the wheel and won't punish you for being "unpredictable" (aka a better driver than them, in an ideal world).
Another thing that has helped me a lot too socially has been to realize that most people actually don't have a fucking clue of the stuff they're doing or saying. I ultimately realized I was spending too much of my own time theorizing and trying to understand things that the people who did it themselves didn't understand.
(emphasis mine)
it me, lol. I do this constantly. there's a part of me that feels compelled to, because I want to try and understand and think it'll provide some kind of insight for me. but of course whether or not I understand another person's motivations has no impact on their actual behavior, and even if I think I've figured out what someone's motivations are, it doesn't mean I'm willing to confront them and call them out on it.
Yes. I've found art/journalling/reading to be very powerful ways of dealing with social hurt, and combat this obsessive need to explain to myself what happened. Turns out self-reflection and artistic/spiritual exploration can bring back your trust in your own intuition, and in turn, powerful insights. But obsessing logically about what they did or didn't do in their minds doesn't lead anywhere.
Actually I do have a friend with ADHD who is very much into somatic therapy, embodiment, and art therapy, which helps her trust herself and not overthink. Maybe this can help OP
I’ve been clipping and stitching news articles cuz that’s a way to burn extra energy.
I always gotta be busy
I feel like I did the right thing. At least for me. But I’m still feeling poorly and spent a good chunk of my afternoon crying.
Thank you for the insight.
It's okay. Misunderstandings happen and you do clearly care about everybody. Be kind on yourself :)