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DiscussionI just watched "Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist" on Netflix, and if ever there was an example of sheer narcissism and maybe psychopathy exhibited in a TIM...
Posted August 23, 2024 by PerenelleFlamel in Television

Holy. Crap.

Possible spoilers below if anyone cares.

I was only passingly familiar with the Manti T'eo catfishing story, but I was bored today and the series popped up on Netflix.

Manti T'eo was catfished by a gay man, Ronaiah Tuiasospopo,who pretended he was a woman named Lennay, and Ronaiah has since come out as a TIM.

The documentary interviewed Ronaiah, and to witness such insane narcissism and just straight out psychopathy has my mind blown. Ronaiah tells his side of the story as if he's the victim, and how he was experiencing such suffering when he was catfishing. He says multiple times he regrets it, but he doesn't really act like he's sorry in any way, and he exhibits zero empathy for the complete hell he put everyone through.

The extent of the catfishing is insane - among other things, Ronaiah had 'Lennay' nearly die in a car accident and go into a coma, pretended to be her brother and had Manti speak to her every night because the doctor said it helped her (COMPLETE FABRICATION), and then 'Lennay' developed leukemia and eventually Ronaiah killed her off, which seemed to deeply affect Manti T'eo.

I want to rant on and on, but just...the amount of sheer psychopathy from this man is deeply disturbing. He has no care for what he did at all, it's all entirely about him, about his distress and his path, never mind that he put another human being through a complete roller coaster of grief and utterly blew up this man's life. He simply, shows no remorse. It gives me an insight into what transwidows must go through.

I've known, on an intellectual level, that TIMs are inherently narcissistic, but to see it in action is something else. Malignant narcissism on another level.

Edited to add: Not to even mention that the pictures Ronaiah used to create 'Lennay' were of an acquaintance of his in high school. God, I am so creeped out for her - TIMs are all skin walkers and Buffalo Bills, I swear. Can you imagine being that poor girl, clueless as to the absolute creepiness of this dude using your pictures as a sock puppet.

23 comments

sylviasmushroomsAugust 23, 2024

I’ll have to watch this, because I’ve been catfished by a TIM.

I got a friend request one day from an interesting-looking young woman, and accepted it. She had an alt style and white hair, which I’ve always admired and attempted to have myself (but my level 5 hair hisses and turns orange at the touch of bleach, RIP my Viking lady dreams.) We quickly found out that we’re both moms and shared interests while both being local to my area, and we starting chatting a bit daily.

One day I floated the idea of maybe meeting up for coffee or letting the kids have a playdate. I got this coy answer of “Well, we’ve actually known each other for a long time…” and from there it was just a guessing game of every guy I met at community college who had a crush on me. An extensive list, but I still sniffed it out, and was thoroughly put off by the lying. I was already friends with this dude on Facebook, but he saw the need to create a whole new profile and lie about being a mother to reconnect with me.

At the time, I was still trying to be an ally. He continued to message me under this profile and send me selfies of his fake cleavage breastplate and bimbofied girlsona. I was patient and understanding but I reached my breaking point. I realized that none of my female friends sent me photos like this, even the bi and lesbian ones who thought I was pretty. One day I eventually just blocked all of his profiles and moved on, and hard-peaked very shortly after this.

TheChaliceIsMightierAugust 24, 2024(Edited August 24, 2024)

For a second I thought you might be one of my ex husband's catfishing victims somehow by some crazy slim odds. He used my pics to catfish lesbians and bisexual women and chat (flirt/try to sext) with them.

sylviasmushroomsAugust 24, 2024(Edited August 24, 2024)

I never, for one moment, dismiss the notion that women from my city are on Ovarit. There are some wild gender people around here, and if they could make a TERF out of my kind, gentle, trusting heart, it could absolutely happen to other women in that general trajectory/radius.

Then again, these people are a dime a dozen. There are bingo cards, their behavior and patterns are so dismally reliable. Who can tell? He had a wife (who just “didn’t understand” his cross dressing and was a “hostile person”), AND a kid at this time, so… not impossible.

TheChaliceIsMightierAugust 24, 2024

I think if I hadn't already TERFed out before my divorce, my ex would have tried to trans himself lol he just exhibited so many of the other behaviors talked about here, lots of narcissism. It would have been hilarious on his hairy af chubby hulking frame though 😂😂

sylviasmushroomsAugust 25, 2024

Ok, lol if he was chubby he wasn’t my catfish. At the time he was actively starving himself to look more “delicate.” It made him look alarming especially while in “boy mode” (his ordinary profile was 100% family man.) I think a lot of people thought he was sick, or succumbing to the obvious speculative habits of a guitarist in a band.

TheChaliceIsMightierAugust 25, 2024

These men are so delusional. Someone needs to tell them being skeletal won't make them look delicate, it will make them look like a wendigo.

Carrots90August 24, 2024

It usually is hilarious

kahnradoshoAugust 24, 2024

Unrelated, but you can get white hair if you want. I have jet black hair and I’ve bleached it multiple times to get it white blonde/white. It’s just a process that you have to learn and carefully follow, and can be done in literally a day (a very long, smelly day).

sylviasmushroomsAugust 24, 2024(Edited August 24, 2024)

Yeah, I spent hundreds to have mine done professionally (it was my way of going crazy during the pandemic) and it took a couple of sessions that were hours and hours long. And then I had to cut inches off, and as I maintained it, I needed to go shorter and shorter until finally I cried “uncle” and needed to transition back to dark brown. 🥲

I loved it while I had it. I felt like a fairy or an elf or something. It just killed my hair so hard and aged me (my hair’s frayed health had more to do with this than the color imo.)

ETA: the heavily filtered TIM who catfished me was wearing a wig lol. Probably my strategy if I ever want it again in the future.

EvileineAugust 24, 2024

It's ok, someday you can have white hair for free!

Carrots90August 24, 2024

😂😂

readfreakAugust 25, 2024

My mum didn't get white or even gray hair, she died at 68. I'm pushing 75 in a few months, and I have some gray hair and almost no white hair. But my face looks like I'm 80.

dotconnectrAugust 24, 2024

Don't count on it! Not sure I'm gonna live long enough for that. lol. I'm 60 now and I hardly have any grey hairs. My mom is over 80 and she's about halfway there.

exiled_lone_wolfAugust 25, 2024

I just watched this and omg it infuriated me how this guy is obviously relishing being on camera and acting like a victim, showing no remorse whatsoever! I kept waiting for the part where this dude is confronted or sees some level of consequence for the extensive deception he’s created.. but no. Nothing! No consequences whatsoever! Just dressing up in some outfits and doing his hair and claiming “this is who I am” blah blah. Really? You destroyed someone’s life and it’s all about you? You can tell in his body language during the whole interview that he doesn’t give a fuck at all.

Infuriating.

pumpkinspicelesbianAugust 23, 2024

It's been a while since I've seen it so my memory might now be great but I remember thinking it was weird how parts of the documentary tried to explain/justify the actions like "well she was a closeted trans woman and that's why she wanted to lead this double life as a woman." If that was the reason, why did he have to do the car accident, coma, and leukemia part? Did mentally torturing this man give him gender euphoria??

(Of course, I'm sure if the documentary hadn't tried to paint this guy in the most sympathetic light possible it'd be lambasted as a transphobic hate piece. Might have had to do that just to be considered publishable. Like the Twin Flames ones about people in a cult being forced to transition that started to stop every few minutes near the end to have some disclaimer about how most trans people are totally happy and don't detransition, etc.)

PerenelleFlamel [OP]August 24, 2024

I also noticed that - his actions were so far beyond the pale I would consider them unforgiveable. And for what? He nearly ruined another man's life, put him through emotional torture, and got...what? What was the pay-off except feeding his own narcissism? It speaks of a deeply disturbed personality, not a stunning and brave TIM.

And oooohhhhh the Twin Flames doc had my jaw to the floor. The fact that they interspersed it every so often with a LGBTQ spokesperson saying it wasn't "real transgenderism" was ridiculous. What's the difference??? There is no difference!!

readfreakAugust 25, 2024

My guilty pleasure is catfish. It is not unusual for catfishers to claim they have gotten into accidents and sometimes a new character shows up and tells the victim the catfish is dead, but it is still the catfish taking on a new persona. They do it a lot when the victim starts trying to meet them in person and the catfish isn't who they say they are. Some cat fishers have several people they are catfishing.

Researcher1536August 23, 2024

I remember that about Twin Flames. I thought surly this will make people realize that gender ideology is a farce. Nope. The rot runs deeeep. Sigh..

Magik_LipstickAugust 23, 2024

I saw it a long time ago and I felt the exact same way. He obviously believes he's the victim in this situation, as narcissistic people tend do when faced with the consequences of their own actions.

Researcher1536August 23, 2024

Yes! That was a good documentary, and it showed TIMs for what they are in a nutshell.

PerenelleFlamel [OP]August 24, 2024

I don't know why I'm still flabbergasted! NO accountability, NO ownership - "I'm trans so no matter what horrible awful things I've done, it's just me trying to express my pain and I am not at all responsible for the utter destruction in my wake!"

Researcher1536August 24, 2024

The true get away with anything card.