Every single person I've known personally that claims some level of gray/ace/demi-whatever-ality...later admits to sever sexual trauma, or abuse, or a deep dislike for men, or SSRI use for years, or depression, or a myriad of other things that account for it better. All of them masturbate, many of them have had past sexual partners, and the amount of exotic art and writing they can create is on parr with Sara J Maas. But still they claim the Ace Spectrum Thing. It boggles my mind.

If they're sexually involved it does seem silly to "identify" as asexual. Plenty of older people, especially older women, will tell you that their sexual needs taper off at some point and they don't masturbate or create erotic art on a regular basis, but I don't think they'd call themselves "asexual" either, bc it's just unnecessary. It always used to be considered fairly normal for old married couples to eventually relax their sexual activities.

But then we invented viagra and normalized botox, and pushed the idea that everyone should try to be 25 forever. With porn available everywhere and even most ordinary entertainment far more explicit than it was a couple decades ago, the expectation is that everyone must be having sex constantly from their early teens until they die. I can imagine that people who feel like their interest is lower than what's perceived as the norm may find it useful to label themselves "ace" or "demi" just to clarify that they don't fit into that demographic, even though that is a manufactured concept of what is normal.

To me it seems like the concept of being asexual developed very much as a response to the increasing sexualization of our culture, largely through tech & internet changes. The more kinky, pornographic, explicit, and constant sexual action & reference is expected, the more there's a defense of some kind, which may be more extreme than the truth. Plenty of young people who identify as asexual may just want to have a normal level of sexual interest and live in a culture that doesn't put sex at the forefront of everything, but they end up exaggerating the case in order to push back. It's easy to see just by looking at fashion, movies or even educational activities how much norms have shifted, so that plenty of people who call themselves "asexual" now would probably be perfectly comfortable a generation or two back.

I remember when we used to discuss if "going all the way on the third date" was slutty. Or when it was considered a little bold to wear a skirt without tights.. Stuff like anal sex wasn't even on the radar. Sex for young people now has shifted & a lot of people are trying to define themselves in relation to that.