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I don't like the term sex worker because I feel it implies it's a job instead of rape, but I wanted to be inclusive of all women, regardless of whether they've been street level or escorted or danced or cammed or acted in pornography or sold panties or anything like that. In the current climate I feel so alone. I'm watching girls counting down to their eighteenth birthdays to open an Onlyfans. I'm constantly seeing women tout participation in the sex trade as empowering, consequence-free and something to be proud of doing. I know for a fact that's not true. Men don't feel shame about paying for sex; in liberal circles it's often seen as support, as progressive and enlightened. I know for a fact I haven't met one who wasn't scum. When I started prostituting I still had braces. Nobody minded. Nobody cared. I was a baby. I hate every single man who looked at me and thought it was okay to lay a hand on me. I hate myself for doing it to myself too.
I don't really feel like a survivor. I feel like a victim. They fucked me up and I fucked myself up. I haven't performed a sex act for money since I was 22 and I am now 29 and I am still so fucked up. I started when I was 14. When I first got out of it I still found myself occasionally and compulsively doing it anyway. I am now married and I'm only now starting to try to work through the damage it did to me. It has destroyed my self image, my sexuality and it has hurt my soul. I feel so fucking bad for the girl that I was. I am trying to do EMDR for this and other things but I have schizoaffective disorder and a lot of the time I'm just not organized enough or well enough to handle it. I feel so trapped with it sometimes.
I just wanted to know if anyone else here could relate. I feel like the only women I see are staunch supporters of this exploitation and it is so terrifying and demoralizing. If you have experienced this I love you and I am sorry. I'm glad we're still here.