Note: I am posting this in Women because this is me, speaking from my personal experience, trying to get something off my chest. That being said, because FGM / FGC is prevalent across the world and affects women differently based on the region they are from / living in, their culture, religion, and the type of FGM/C they have had to endure I cannot speak for any other women or their experience but I can strongly urge anyone interested in learning more or lending aid to ending FGM/C to look into groups like the AHA Foundation as a place to start. I am sorry if this is incoherent, this is exceptionally difficult to write about but I really have to get this out.

When I was a child, I was subjected to type I FGM. This was not an uncommon practice in the area where I was raised though I am grateful it is becoming less common now. I was 3 years old.

My FGM left me with permanent scars and an almost complete lack of sensation in most of my erogenous zones aside from excruciating pain in some circumstances. I did not know that any of this was abnormal. We did not talk about these things as girls or young women.

When I was a teenager, I was sold into marriage. Many would say "arranged" which I find derogatory but, they are technically right. It was arranged that I would be given to a man and my family would be given compensation in return. I was 15 years old.

My FGM caused serious problems in my unwanted marriage, not for my husband, who enjoyed himself without care but because I suffered agonizing pain and often bleeding due to the extent of the damage and scar tissue. I became extremely ill with nausea and lethargy, I was sweating constantly. My family was sure it was the early signs of pregnancy. Instead, I had contracted a serious infection that had been building inside my body and in my bloodstream. I collapsed, and I had to be hospitalized. I was 17 years old.

Due to the FGM, the extent of the infection and need for excisions, I lost even more healthy and unmaimed tissue. Healing took a very long time. Ways that I had previously found to pleasure myself were now painful, orgasms could (and still can regularly) bring me to tears. The doctors I went to visit for follow up on my healing and issues with conception finally came to the conclusion that it was unlikely I would ever be able to have children vaginally and could not specify what the issues were with my conceiving a child other than the constant reinfection of my wounds. I was now worthless, and my husband divorced me.

I tried to kill myself in my shame at being broken. I did not know these experiences were not uncommon. We did not talk about these things as women.

I fell in love for the first time in my life, she was charming and bold, she was charismatic and loud, she was a missing piece of my soul. I had no words for what I was and am, because it is a crime punishable in many ways but not uncommonly death. We found ways to navigate the landscape of my body. I was 22 years old.

Life is a strange thing, years can slip by sometimes, and I moved to the States. I looked into corrective surgeries, but I was terrified of doctors. I was terrified to go to an OBGYN and ashamed to look at myself. I was somewhere new and exciting, living all the way across the world, and I didn't want to deal with my FGM so I ignored everything about it I refused to acknowledge it. I stayed celibate but told myself it was my choice. I threw myself into hobbies. I started lifting weights and going on difficult hikes in the mountains. I became extremely ill with nausea and lethargy, I was sweating constantly, it hurt to walk. I finally was forcibly taken to a hospital by a concerned friend.

I was rushed to emergency surgery and spent a week in the hospital. My old familiar wounds had torn due to strenuous activity and reinfected. That was three years ago. I have had 7 surgeries since then. My FGM was an earthquake that has been reverberating in my life for over 30 years, throwing aftershocks. My FGM is quite literally, slowly and surely killing me.

We still don't talk about these things. I am a half a world away from where I started, half a life away, and still we - women - don't talk about these things. So I am finally here and present, because I am tired of being silent. This issue affects women and girls all over the world and it is a life long burden. Millions of young women and girls are mutilated every year worldwide. It is a practice shrouded in secrecy, the lies of cultural acceptance for barbarism, the horrendous twisting of misogyny that allows men to pretend it's not their responsibility and they aren't due to account for their complicity and encouragement of FGM/C.

I don't know how to end this, so I guess I'll just say thank you if you made it this far and I hope if any of this moved you that you will look into FGM/C in your country and join the fight to end it.