I've been on a self-development and self-care journey for just a few years now and I've come so far.

To be clear, I still have my low moments, and I'd be lying if I said I love my life. I'm deeply grateful for it. I have always had a roof over my head and food on my plate. However, I'm 26 with no career prospects ahead of me and scattered interests. I'm living a double life as an ex-Hijabi and ex-Muslim and the mountains of lies can be overwhelming and devastating at times. My life could be a lot worse, but it could be a lot better, too.

But me, myself? I am... a whole experience. I'm delightful. I can carry a conversation with just about anybody. I can make most people laugh with how straight-forward and blunt I am, without being intimidating or rude. As loud and odd as I can be at times, I still manage to make most people feel at ease around me.

I love how I look. I love my olive-toned skin, my pear-shaped body, my big brown eyes, and my (newly short) curly hair. I love my sense of fashion, loud and fun and cute. I love my smile.

I even love the things that I hate about myself. Like most people, I cringe when I hear a recording of my voice and I hate hearing my own laugh even more. But am I going to sit here and deny the presence that my voice commands? The clarity and confidence in every word I speak? No, I am not going to deny that. Never, ever. When I speak, people listen. Time and time again, I've captured most of the room's attention when I share my opinion or story... it's like magic. And my laugh, I will NEVER hate my laugh or the act of laughing. Laughing is one of the best things you can do for your soul.

One of the things I love most of all about myself is my interests. I have lots of artistic hobbies, like drawing, designing clothes, knitting, and embroidering. All these things are done by my comically child-like hands, which I hate, but I love. These tiny hands can make a lot of things happen. I love films and music. I'm horribly and wonderfully picky with films, but I listen to literally everything. I haven't yet heard music that I hate, and I'm excited to learn about the music that I do not understand.

Most importantly, I love who I am. I am thoughtful, opinionated, grounded, kind, loving, and patient. I take some of the worst qualities of both my parents, like how difficult it is to get close to me because the walls I have built up, or how embarrassingly stubborn I am. But I take some of their best qualities, too. The way my voice demands attention? I take that from both my parents, a wonderful combination. My sweetness with strangers and loved ones alike? Both my parents are warm and loving and I could not have turned out any other way. My ability to have empathy for almost any person? My father. My eternal passion about art (whether creating or consuming it) and the desire to learn about it from whoever will teach me? My mother.

My life, though I said I didn't love it, maybe I lie. My experiences are vast, and I embrace them all. Culture shock at 10 years old. No warning and no support. I have experienced the beauty and ugliness of England and the beauty and ugliness of my (GCC) home country. I've had many people who loved and believed in me, from Mrs. B and Ms. C, to Teacher Zainab and Teacher Ahlam, all the way to uni with Ilgin hoca and Simge hoca. I've made friends from so many countries. In middle school, I was bullied relentlessly, and in uni, I made the wrong friends. In my life, I've felt one way so strongly, only to feel the exact opposite way 4 years later. I cherish every single experience I've ever had in my life. I would not take back my deepest regrets. These experiences and people made me who I am today. Maybe I don't love my life, but I do love life itself.

Sometimes I feel silly about feeling this way. I worry about being too self-centered and arrogant... but then I (quickly) remember how much I hated myself, from such a young age. I absolutely could not stand myself. I thought that I had no reason to respect or forgive myself for anything. I could never make myself happy... I'd forget how much I hated myself for a moment, then see my reflection and it would all come flooding back. All that hatred was such a huge waste of time and energy.

I think about how much society encourages girls and women to be overly critical of themselves and never feel settled in their own body and heart. I think about all the industries that work hard to make me hate my body hair and body shape, to make me doubt my own thoughts and feelings in order to take every cent from me that they possibly could. I think about that, and I decide that maybe a little arrogance isn't too bad.

I never want to go back to the hole I put myself in. I'm worth so much more than that. A turning point in my life was reading this psychological article and I recommend it to anyone who has an interest in practicing effective self-care. My journey wasn't and isn't easy. Finding the balance between being meaningfully but cautiously critical of myself and downright unfair and harsh can seem impossible. But as I started seeing the progress, the real improvements in my life, I recommend this journey to anyone. I am generally happier, more productive, more optimistic, more calm, and more open. All of these were things that I thought were just "not me". Well, now they are... and thinking of the difference between then and now makes me feel powerful.