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I have a male friend who's younger than me. He used to be chill but now he's getting a bit emotionally manipulative.
Whenever I say a joke, he goes like "Why are you so mean to me?" Or "Why are you talking to me then?" It just feels very emotionally manipulative, these types of questions. It's annoying and makes him look pathetic.
I asked him if he's prissy because I am a woman who's treating him like any of his male friend would and his answer was "yea maybe"
He left me to call another friend rudely to get advice about his crush after he degraded my advice bluntly(calling me a coomer) and when I expressed disappointment he was like "sorry I showed emotions" wtf is his problem? I had to say "you aren't a bad person, but your actions hurt others" like his mother would and then he properly apologized.
He once called me a bitch and slut and when I fired back he hung up. Next day he apologized and lied that he wasn't angry but that I HURT HIM with how I talked.
When I make jokes he's like "if I say that then you'd be upset" but he does. He says my lady friends are hotter Or his crush is hotter. I told him it's a red flag and he shut up after that. He makes jokes but acts like a child when I do the same.
Are all the male friends like this? Why can't women joke and not being taken as "mean" Or a "bitch"?
The lady friends I have improve thier approach even without saying anything. They understand. But males are like "tell me when or why you are upset!'
Should I cut him off? He's annoying as fuck
Ummm, no, no this guys sounds like a horrible person and not a friend at all.
I’ve had male friends in the past and they managed to take a joke and not get all pissy about it.
Dump him. Immediately. Completely Permanently. So many red flags. He is a manipulative, narcissistic, mysogynist with the emotional maturity of an overindulged 13 year old. Never again tell him he is not a bad person, because he is well on his way.
Yeah. Someone who refuses to be better emotionally is a childish and immature person. Bad too, cuz they are selfish
next time a guy friend gives you shit like this, cut off contact for a week or however long it takes for him to know he ducked up. he might learn his lesson. might not. you're allowed to have boundaries about what kind of people stay in your life and how much time you spend around them. if you tell him not to visit he can probably get some kind of credit for another flight.
Question: What if he asks "I don't know what I did wrong! I can't read your mind" is it better to just let them go?
You could say something like “I won’t have people around me who resort to name calling and slurs.” And then ignore him for as long as it takes to get the message across that you’re serious.
And yes in my experience nearly all men are like this. Don’t keep the insecure ones around for the little bit of enjoyment you get, which will be far outweighed by the stupid tantrums you’ll be dealing with. If you do keep them around keep the interactions limited and don’t expect them to respond to your teasing like they would if it was from a guy friend.
You are right the mantrums are stupid and annoying. And their insecurities makes them bad friends as well. Ever since I posted I have given him less time and I don't tell why I am doing this because I think, he as an adult has no obligation from me to be told what he did wrong.
yes usually they know exactly what they did. glad you're putting yourself first!
I think you're reading him right on the money. The way you've described his recent behavior definitely sounds like emotional manipulation, and kinda narcissistic (DARVO; 'look, maybe I called you a couple of misogynistic slurs but have you considered that YOU are the one who hurt ME?!')
And yes, it does sound like he's getting pissed because 'how dare a woman talk to me like this!'
Lose the scrote.
Very fucking stupid of him tbh. I am not this therapy session so he can grow. I have my own shit to do
I agree with the other commenters that you should cut him off, but I'm writing to add that you should be very very careful in how you do this! Just like any other man, this guy may turn violent when rejected, even if you don't have a romantic relationship with him. I would try and gray rock him.
If he's planning to visit you, I would try to get out of that. Say you have a family emergency,, or a flood, or something. Anything. This man is bad news and will only bring you trouble.
So many ladies are saying that here. I'll trust on that advice. I'll try to look for an excuse
He's just a jerk. And maybe he is a bad person, lol.
None of my male or female friends are like this and if they were they wouldn't be friends because that is not how friends treat friends. I wouldn't even treat someone I hated the way he is treating you.
If speaking to him just makes you feel worse then why bother keeping in contact?
Because I'd feel guilty. He's coming over at 26 of dec and bought a ticket. I am feeling bad if I ask him to not come anymore. How can I word it? I hate female socialization so much
It's your decision, it's really up to you if you want to see him or not.
Focus mostly on the facts. 'You have been saying some very hurtful things and made a lot of disrespectful personal criticisms. This makes me feel very bad about myself and it's not okay. You might think that it's a joke but I know you don't belive that because when I respond the same way you get offended. It hard for me to enjoy spending time with you when I don't know if I am going to suddenly be criticized or insulted. If you can't treat me like a friend maybe we should just stop being friends.'
Thank you. I'll write to him. If he dies it again, I'll not see him.
What makes you think for a second that he won't do it again?
Why do you even want to be friends with this guy? He's using you as an emotional punching bag.
I think you are correct. I'll tell him no straight up. I got a bad feeling about this
Also he has bought me a gift of 250 euros. I have known him for like 3 months... I had a gut feeling this can't be right!!!
I have to be honest, now this is starting to sound like a huge troll.
:/ I am not though. I do feel guilty for declining him because he bought me gift and he's coming here. That's why I posted here
Why are you inviting someone you don't really know, and who is treating you badly?
It sounds to me like you really need to strengthen your boundaries, and stop accepting people disrespecting you.
You shouldn't be giving this guy the time of day.
I am learning how to do that tbh. Bad childhood makes it hard but I'll get there.
We all need to learn it. Good on you for working on it! I hope I didn't come across as too harsh, I'm trying to help. Kicking people like him out of your life will make you feel better. And when you treat yourself with respect and don't accept disrespect from others, people notice and treat you better as well. Take care.
You are fine. It was the straight truth, no other way of it. I wouldn't get it if you'd soften it up. I have noticed if I am firm people actually listen to me lol.
He's from the softie generation. Can you image a young woman trying to make him into husband/father material?
Apparently these softies say the most vulgar things and flip it "b-but you said something mean too?!" Like they don't have the braincells to not call someone a slur when they are met with a joke. He takes jokes from his male friends not from me though
Yes, cut him off. You deserve better
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Belong to him? Sorry I am inexperienced, can you tell me how you point that out?
The bigger question is why are you friends with this dude
I ask myself the same question. It's hard tbh. Every other person I meet is either a misogynistic or have a flip flop personality. Idk how should I handle this.