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AdviceMaking friends
I feel like I am amid culture-wide shifts in how adults make friends and it feels like friending is becoming a lot like online dating. Lots of ghosting, low effort, does not reciprocate. I have a lot to say on this subject but there is something that recently happened that I would like your take on.
I knew someone through a common interest just online but we met with others for an event last May. She reached out to me saying she wanted to hang out/thought I would be a cool person to be friends with. We emailed back and forth and called a couple of times. Her emails were long, filled to the brim with health information about her and her physical challenges which limited what she could do socially. I was cool with that.
But then about 8 weeks after our exchanges she just disappeared. I emailed, and called twice. No response. We have some mutuals I would have heard if something had happened to her. And, it feels like all my new friends were only happening with me doing 90% of the work so I am in this "match energy" phase in my life now. So, I let it go.
She emailed me out of the blue about 6 months after last hearing from her and also msg.d me on one of my socials. Both quick, oh hey how are you? and also, I got this thing going on. But nothing about why she want MIA, or even a, "Hey sorry I dropped the ball." It was like nothing happened.
I haven't responded. I have abandonment issues. I have had a history of befriending needy women whose friendship is contingent on what I can do for them and honestly, I am done with playing that role. I have a history of being dropped when someone or something better comes along.
So, I am looking at all of this wondering how to respond. I don't want to waste time with someone who just drops people like that, and also comes back into their lives as if nothing happened. I felt totally ghosted by her. I don't want to fritter away my energy to someone who will then just go MIA again. I have enough acquaintances who only reach out when they want something.
But, my internal dialogue is telling me I am a bad person for not giving her a chance. Should I send an email asking about her disappearance? Do I say some version of this to her? Do I continue to ignore?
What would you do and why?