i practice digital art and a small amount of animation as a hobby and for years, up until around this past october-december, i’d had a moderate audience on twitter and regularly took commissions. i mostly draw women, landscapes, fanart, ocs, sometimes cute animals, etc. it was both great fun, and a nice way to make a consistent bit of side income to treat myself and so on.

lots of things had been going on with me, but the one thing i think really broke me was after october 7th happened and people i’d known for years were mocking israeli women for what they went through, saying they deserved what they got for being “colonizers” etc, with not even a day of waiting for all their bodies to be found. i’m not jewish but it shook me to the core to hear from people i thought i could trust. i’d always been a “secret radfem” and disagreed with a lot of leftist (male-centered) talking points anyway, but this was it for me.

these were people i’d gifted art to as friends. people i’d done commissions for, spent loving hours on to get it as true to their vision as i could for them, and i felt disgusted that i ever took their money. i ended up blocking half of everyone i knew, and i was too paranoid about those who remained to continue posting.

i’ll be real: it has made me not want to draw at all in the months since, which is sad because it was a great passion for me. i love sharing, i love collaborating with writers for example and illustrating their stories. i love doing zines and things like secret santa exchanges. i liked making prints for people to buy, and felt proud whenever i made a physical sale, like just the fact that people actually wanted something i made in their homes. fundamentally, i like art as a community thing. i’ve only just started drawing something again at a trusted IRL friend’s prompting.

and i want to eventually start making small games, like on itch.io… i had big ideas lined up, and all the time i wish i could dip my toes back into it again, and i have set up an account to maybe start from scratch with, but i feel so wary.

it’s partially my own fault, and all; i let myself be surrounded by TRAs and handmaidens and deranged leftists because they were often the ones drawn to my side of fandom. it was “easy.” then, they showed their true selves. the undeniable fact that they’ll never be there for women, even if many women open themselves up to them so freely. i never want to sell myself out like that again.

i’ve been considering what to do this time. explicitly say i’m a radfem? i actually was partially doxxed by a TRA at the end (an ex friend who had commissioned me, and whom i had donated to in hard times. lmao. i keep a separate paypal without my name on it for commissions, but she got it from my personal one :’) but we “”luckily”” came to a truce and she removed it, but…) because i went mask off briefly, but i’m not scared, tbh.

i’d just find it more annoying than anything to have my comment sections unfortunately filled up with weirdos like redkatherine’s was (a TERF artist i always secretly admired), instead of real discussion and collaboration. it’d be fun to make outright radfem art and stickers and so on, though.

my only other idea is to quietly start out with things TRAs will probably naturally just avoid, like some harry potter art (i’ve really been enjoying the game). whatever they’ve “called out” really that i happen to also enjoy lmao

it anyone’s done this or has any advice, or maybe if you know any radfem artists online (of course not to expose anyone if they’re not “out”.. sad we have to think that way, huh?) i could huddle around, i’d really appreciate it :) social media is tough to navigate… especially when you want to have a small side project that would sorta depend on interaction and stuff. woof, sorry, i’m always making long posts but i wanted to cover all my main points