What helps me is to remember that other people are more worried about how they came across than about me.

Ok. So this may or may not be helpful to you since you probably aren't talking about these incidents as much as thinking about them, but here's what helped me.

When you recall an event, you are also recalling the memory of the last time you recalled it. In this way, you can actually make a memory feel stronger than it would otherwise be. You obviously know this because months of reliving something you're obsessing over occurs every time you feel embarrassment or even awkwardness. You are strengthening your memory of the event simply by remembering it.

Here's what I did. I simply stopped recounting these things. First, I stopped explaining them to others, like my parents/spouse/colleagues/friends. Doing so was supposed to be cathartic, but it was actually Memory Reinforcement #1.

This meant, every time the urge to unburden myself of this troublesome memory occured, I just pushed it down and buried it by forcing myself to think about ANYTHING else. But no matter what, I DID NOT TALK about it.

Don't save it up for a therapist, don't journal about it. Just don't give it any time in the spotlight. When it runs up to Slot 1 in your memory, forcibly think of ANYTHING ELSE.

The memory will still BE there. But not talking/thinking/writing/saving it up will let it begin to fade. You have to work extra hard at first. Even vocalizing, "No, I'm not thinking about that. I want to think about my book, or my cat, or how I'm going to spend my bonus." Or whatever applies to you.

It's hard. Really hard at first. But it works. I can recall 100s of embarrassing obsessive things I worried about from my 20s (like answering a question like an idiot because I misheard, or sliding down the steps of the state Senate in front of 40 people because I wore awful shoes that day) but really very little from my 30s & 40s. I started doing this method at 27. I can't remember where I got it from, it might have been a little blurb about memory on NPR? But I seized on it and it really, really helped.

Laugh at the incident. Pretend it was a friendship bonding moment. People want to be friends with others they think are chill, who won't judge them for making these same mistakes. Pretend you are the cool, popular person who everyone admires and these little awkward moments make you that much more relatable. That's how I deal with things like that.

As another poster suggested, don't "feed" the memory by talking about it, journaling about it, or otherwise ruminating--whenever possible (acknowledging that this is easier said than done sometimes).

We need to decide for ourselves what is important, so that these random cringey experiences can't set the tone for our self esteem. Cringe is part of the human experience and helps us to have a little empathy and tolerance for others. Think about it this way: artists need to make bad art before they can make good art. To navigate life with grace, we need to know what it's like to be awkward.

Perhaps you can talk to yourself like you would talk to a child, "Okay, yes, you felt like you did something cringey, but what did you learn? How can you do it better next time?" Once you've articulated your answer, you consciously shift gears. "Yep, that happened. I learned x and now I will do x instead. Now, what should I make for breakfast in the morning?"

We need to treat ourselves just as well as we'd treat a friend. If you have an internal bully trying to make you feel bad about every little thing, try to personify that inner bullying voice and tell them they can fuck right off. Come to your own defense just like you would for a friend who was being berated by an asshole.

Another thing to do at bedtime is to practice gratitude. Before bed, write down three things you feel grateful for (something that happened during the day can be particularly helpful, something "big picture" that puts these minor mishaps into perspective is also great). Or, instead of counting sheep, go through the alphabet thinking of one thing you are grateful for that begins with each letter.

Edit: fixed some words.

Give your self the grace you would give a treasured friend.

Talk to yourself like you are your own treasured friend.

Do you think your treasured friend should be embarrassed? Then you don’t need to be embarrassed!

As others have said: part of growing up is realizing that everyone is fighting their own private battles and it’s actually a bit self-absorbed to think people even care!

If you fall and fart on a squirrel in a forest and no one is there to hear it, is it still embarrassing? Nope!

No advice here unfortunately. I've gotten the same advice you have, "don't worry so much about it," "stop overthinking it," it doesn't work in the slightest. I just want to say that I relate, lol.

It's gotten so bad that even if I didn't do anything embarrassing in a given social situation, my mind will convolute and/or exaggerate other peoples reactions to me. It's annoying because in the moment, I'm not very self-conscious. All the shame and embarrassment comes after the interaction is over and I'm by myself. And if I do do something embarrassing... hoo boy.

Maybe we are too tough on ourselves? That's the only thing my husband has told me that makes sense and helps a little bit.

I wish I had advice for you, but I feel this in my soul. I'm incredibly shy too. When people are nice to me, especially publicly, it makes me feel so embarrassed. I spend most of my time alone because my interpersonal relationships never seem to work out. I obsessed over mistakes I've made and all the times I've humiliated myself (which are countless). I'm still stuck on things that happened 15 years ago, it's ridiculous. It makes me scared to do anything interesting because I'll just mess up again. Can't get close to people because I might put my foot in my mouth, or out myself as GC. You'd think it would get better with age but that hasn't been the case. I don't know... maybe it's a personality type or something. It's miserable though.

What works for me - if I’m stuck dwelling on a social mistake or embarrassing moment, I try to think of a time when someone ELSE has done something embarrassing in front of me.

Either I’ll think of something amusing, which will reassure me that these things happen to everyone and it wasn’t a big deal, we all laugh about it now.

Or I won’t be able to think of anything, which will reassure me that other people don’t remember these things like I do and they’ve probably already forgotten.

I was watching a drama on Netflix some years ago, and the advice given to a character in a similar predicament was to go out and deliberately do something somewhat absurd such that it could be considered an embarrassing mistake if made genuinely. IIRC, the example was to ask for carpentry nails at a pharmacy. I dunno if this is actually good advice, but at very least it's novel and interesting.

(eta, also I feel ya. I made a mistake in reading a post on here the other day and it showed in my response, so once it was pointed I spent several more hours/days than really necessary dying of embarrassed shame at my reading comprehension fail.)

For me, trying (and failing) to run from the feeling just creates more anxiety / stress and exacerbates the issue. I've tried suppression and, for me, it is not sustainable. It's ok and normal to feel embarrassed. Sit with it, acknowledge it, and talk yourself through it with the kindness you'd show a treasured friend. Like: "yeah, that sucked. we were both just moving too fast - it happens. professorA likes me (must if she hugged you, right?) and won't think any less of me for it."

Think what you might do differently next time, if appropriate. Grieve a little, if appropriate. Usually the feeling is processed and small enough at that point to put it away and move on.

I used to feel this way too. I don’t really know when I stopped… maybe when I realized everyone else feels like just as much of an idiot as I do. It helps me to call out the awkwardness in a situation. For example, today I had to call a store associate to help me get the shoe size I needed (kill me). She went and got them, and then stood there while I was going to try them on. I jokingly said “you don’t have to hang around, you can come back if you have other stuff to do and this is too weird” and we both laughed. Other people get awkward too, and if you can state it then you both have a chance to connect and feel more authentic because of the shared discomfort and that ends up dissipating some of the awkwardness. Imagining the scenario from the perspective of the other person (engaging my empathy) also helps sometimes.

Do you also happen to have perfectionism, intrusive thoughts or fixation, or anxious tendencies?

Why would a professor hug you, or any student?