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Open ThreadMom Friday Open Thread
This is our Mom Friday Open Thread, for moms to talk about what’s on their mind this week.
Rant, rave, boast, ask for advice, share what’s gone well or what’s been difficult.
The thread is yours.
No questions or concerns here. Just want to say that it was really hard to send my kids back to their dad this week. We’ve been doing this for about a year and I still cry about missing my kids sometimes.
I made dinner out of a box tonight and it went great. I like cooking from scratch but sometimes I forget how much time it takes. As usual the baby ate twice as much as the toddler yet will still want to nurse all night. Sigh
I very much want to wean my 2 year old twins and I don’t know how because they’re still very dependent on nursing to go to sleep.
I don't have advice, but I just want to say congrats on 2 years of BFing twins! It's a great accomplishment!
I’ve been fucking up everything today. My 3-year-old snuck outside and tried to wander to a nearby playground, and he was brought home by a neighbor who caught him one house down. So that’s a mom-of-the-year moment right there, where I’m grateful it didn’t go badly but it could have gone so much worse.
I was frazzled after that and scattered and didn’t want to let him out of my sight. I mixed up the time for this afternoon’s therapy session by a half-hour, after two years of being with this provider and never missing a session. I texted apologies within our scheduled time, and just got a cold email about missed session fees and rescheduling. The last thing I want to do right now is reschedule, I’m clearly even too messy for therapy.
When my kid was 3 years old, he opened the front door, walked out on his socks and stood in the driveway for a passby driver to stop, pick him up and bring him back. I nearly lost my mind.
Oh and my mom had a panic attack after losing my son on a playgroud. He hid very well.
So i think this is something every mom experiences. All kids get curious and independent and want to explore on their own. This does not make you a bad mom. It makes you and your little one human.
My 3-year-old snuck outside and tried to wander to a nearby playground, and he was brought home by a neighbor who caught him one house down. So that’s a mom-of-the-year moment right there, where I’m grateful it didn’t go badly but it could have gone so much worse.
This could have happened to absolutely any parent. Anyone who tells you or implies otherwise is heartless and has no concept of what it’s like to have toddlers.
You’re a visible enough entity that your neighbors know what you and your kid look like and where to return him to you. That says a lot. The emails sound cold because they come from a culture of sanitization. You’ve got your kid in a program that’s been working and for more than two years you’ve never fumbled the bag before. You’re not too messy for therapy, you’re just messier than you’re used to being today. Which is human and nothing less than acceptable. I hope you’re feeling better from when you posted this, and I hope you have nothing you have to worry to hard about for the rest of the evening.
The fact that you took the time to write these words means the world to me. I managed to swallow everything and reschedule, and my neighbor was kind and said that she’s been there. I feel like an exposed nerve today and the smallest things are painful; I’m getting over illness and my mother is in the hospital at the moment so I feel completely out-of-control. I was even afraid to post here.
Thank you so much for your gentleness and empathy.
My 11-yr old daughter keeps having massive emotional meltdowns. Is she too young for this to be hormonally related? She gets herself in a state in the evenings, worrying about school or extra-curricular activities. Tonight she realised she had committed to a sports event on a Sunday which was also the day she was hoping to be taken to London to visit relatives. Her disappointment and anguish at missing the (not even properly planned) trip left her in a puddle on the floor and sobbing her heart out at bedtime.
I find her distress so distressing, I am always tempted to try to fix it all and say she doesn't have to go to school or do whatever thing she is anxious about. I try to be strong. This evening I talked about how this is one of those times in life where there isn't a "good" outcome. I said she could choose what to do but that I and her dad feel she should keep to commitments she has made (the team sporting event) and not let friends down, even if that means missing out on something else. I said, if she pulled out of the sporting team event and went to London, it would be marred by the knowledge she hadn't done the right thing and had let down her friends. If she does the sport event she may feel resentful or upset that she is missing the London trip. I said she has to decide which of those scenarios is the least bad.
It's very hard seeing her having to live with the consequences of earlier decisions.
But also so many of these things are Such A Drama at the time, and then turn out to be completely irrelevant. Some days I'll worry all day about the thing she's upset about, and then at the end of school I'll ask her how X went and she won't even remember what I'm talking about!
I think I let her get away with more shit than her brother because she's a girl and I know how much harder life is going to be for her. My Nigel thinks I shouldn't treat her differently but, you know what? She's going to have a lifetime of expectation weighing on her to be nice, do the housework etc. So for the time she's under my roof and I'm in control, I will make sure she doesn't have to be nice and I'll make sure I always ask her brother to do the chores first.
Is it wrong to cut her more slack just because she's a girl?
Loved reading the stories from moms of younger children. This week I took my 16 yo (HS junior) to tour two nearby colleges and helped her write an essay applying for a very competitive summer internship. I’m exhausted!
How do we feel about kids playing in the backyard alone? This sound so absolutely paranoid, but some horrible things have happened in this world over the last few years. The weather is getting nicer and I have a lovely backyard, a privacy fence, and an overall beautiful and safe area for my family. But my actual gate is only chain link and standard latched. My kid is still too young to play alone entirely, but this morning I couldn’t convince him to take the three steps back inside so I could brew my coffee. I could see him/hear him through multiple windows and it was only to put hot water into the French press and turn back around, but I can’t shake the tight right imaginary tether that attaches me to my child. I have big dogs that would bark if anybody approached. I know previous generations wouldn’t have thought twice about their kids playing in their own backyards. I just… have watched too much true crime
We allow our kids to play largely unsupervised in our backyard. We have a fence and a gate, they’re 4 and 7. If the 2 year olds also go out, I will as well. I’m very much of the opinion that playtime without adults in a safe environment is very important for children.
Your kids have such fun age differences, and I’m sure having an older role model for the five year old and friend for the seven year old helps their play so much. You definitely helped me feel reassured. My yard is secured, I do know he’s safe and there are several factors keeping him even more safe.
I lived next to people I suspected to be pedophiles for reason I won’t go into, when my kids were little and the greatest thing that has happened was that we moved to a new house with a much bigger yard and safer neighbors, and it has been so good to see my kids playing outside. I definitely recommend it as much as possible. One of my bigger regrets is that I was too scared as a mom of toddlers and hovered too much. It’s so hard, though, I understand.
Thank you for voicing your regrets about hovering. I’m a hoverer. My mom was too, and all the other hover moms I’ve ever met seem to feel very very justified in their hovering, and nobody ever really leaves room for reflection because their kids were safe so no regrets. But sometimes I wanna know the other side!
I think it made my kids too scared to act without me and too scared OF me. I felt justified because everyone I knew hovered and controlled even MORE, but my kids and I are struggling to navigate the push pull of teen independence now.
This will be of no help, but your mention of dogs reminds me of something my mom said. I grew up on a farm, and we ran wild. If my mom wanted to know where we were, she'd whistle for the dog and see where she came from, and that's where we would be.
I let mine play unsupervised in the backyard if it’s fenced, but not the front yard (because no fence and also road). One thing I see as a teacher is that so many kids have no idea how to entertain themselves and have some major learned helplessness going on. Interestingly, I also see quite a few children who seem to have very low muscle tone and such low energy. They don’t know how to PLAY and if they get the tiniest little scratch they think they’re going to die. Now, of course this all depends on the age of your kid! I’d say under 3 they still need supervision when outside just because you don’t know what they’ll get into.
Thanks for your reply. What you said fits right into where I am as a mother, and I’m not a teacher but I am in the field and that phenomenon you described is why I feel like I should relax about some of these learning opportunities. He’s turning three this summer and I’ve been a stay at home mom, but he starts preschool and I’m nervous that he only views the world through mom-management goggles.
You’re wise to put safeguards in place where you can, just don’t let the safeguards prevent him from learning and becoming independent :) that’s a balance unique to every kid and as his mom you’ll know best where that line is. Trust yourself
My 7 and 5-year-old-next-month can play in our backyard or neighbor's yard by themselves. We also have a fence. I didn't feel comfortable with it until my youngest turned 4 though. It takes time to gage how mature your child is and how ready they are so don't feel bad.
Okay so, i'm not crazy. Really.
My son is my mini-me. He has my eye, hair and skin color. He is polite, empathatic, creative, friendly and helpful. We recently had a talk in his daycare about his developement and the way he was described was me to a T, with one difference: his social abilities are way better than mine was at this age. A psychologist also recently said that if all boys were like him, we'd have way less problems in the world.
But he is also shy, cant properly stand up for himself, is quickly overwhelmed, cries easily, very sensitive in many ways and guess what: thats also me. I struggle/-d a lot with people, communication, rules (in terms of others breaking them or me being forced to break them), things not going as planned, textures, noises, speech, my emotions overwhelm me, i'm always wiggling and when nervous bit my nails and still pick my skin.
Oh, and i'm diagnosed autistic btw. Something that the professionals dont see in my son in their one hour of testing.
But I do. I see it in his struggle with the noises of the hair dryer, the vacuum and the mixer. I gave him an improvised stimming tool when he was 4 to stop him picking his skin and nails (and ripping wall paper at one point. Which i did too.) and it is still working. I saw it when he walked away from his loud and rowdy birthday party to play on his own in silence with the new gifts and was glad when the wild kids were picked up. I see it in his utter shock when he sees trash on the ground that wasnt properly thrown away or people crossing the street on a red light. Hear it in his confusion when he talks about someone who mistreats him but is still a "friend" or his random interest to learn a second language - we're not a bilingual family nor in any way communicating in anything but our one language. He's clumsy, forgetful, cant handle criticism, runs with flappy arms, demands perfection from himself and needs his routine like a flower needs water.
This was and still is me. And if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, chances are very high it is in fact a duck. Or as in my case, autism. Because I figured it out myself and had me tested. I saw the pattern, I made the connection and I was proved right. And now I do it again and people tell me i'm wrong?!
I dont want an autistic child. I want the proper tools to help my child to live a good life in this world, a better life than I've had. But you cant put a bandaid on a broken bone and call it help. Nor put a bandaid on some pain without investigating where the pain comes from.
And also I feel horrible myself. Because I gave this issue to my son. And he experiences the pressure of two mental ill parents while struggling on his own! Oh and we are not sure if we want a second kid one day! What if that kid is also autistic or somehow ND? Should we start an ND family vlog?? Am I just over reacting?? What if my autistic pattern recognition ks wrong here??
My 4yo has started doing this thing where he randomly steals the sugar jar, runs to a hiding place, and starts scooping it into his mouth like he's starving to death.
I'm making a carrot cake for my husbands birthday tomorrow with a fancy cream cheese frosting that is kind of like a German buttercream. You make a pastry cream of sorts, and whip it up with butter and a ton of cream cheese. Anyway, I made the custard today and put it into a foodsaver bag and popped it in the freezer to cool quickly.
When I went back to the freezer to put the custard in the fridge to set overnight, it was gone. We have a drawer freezer and it is packed full, so I thought it must have fallen off and was caught in the back. I dug around and looked in behind, couldn't find it. Started digging around the freezer, couldn't find it. Then I'm looking all over the fridge and kitchen and wondering if I am losing my mind or if the freezer just literally ate my custard, when I have the thought... omg the child. Surely he didn't take it??
Before I could even get out the door to ask him if he stole my custard, I found the package in a lump in the living room. Turns out, he went straight into the freezer as soon as I was out of the room and tried to claw the bag open like a racoon so he could suck it up. When he couldn't get it open immediately, he dumped it and went outside to play.
When I asked if he took the custard out of the freezer, he just says "I AM A PUDDING MONSTER. MAKE SOME COOKIES SO I CAN EAT THEM" and ran away.
My two year old picked the handmade marshmallows off the cake I had decorated for my sister and left in the fridge. I never even considered he would do that. Of course he would, but it just never crossed my mind. Solidarity. I’m super interested in this cream cheese custard!! Is it like German buttercream cream cheese frosting? I swear by Italian meringue buttercream when I bake but German buttercream sounds so yummy every time. Do you have the time/patience/ingredients/funds to make more easily? If not, I’m sorry about your pudding monster.
I like a good Italian buttercream too, lol. But my inlaws insist on carrot cake with cloyingly sweet cream cheese and powdered sugar frosting for every birthday.
This is the recipe I use. It's expensive and fiddley to make, but so much better than the usual stuff.