Anyone want to explain to me what Richard Overy means by "Our land forces and reserves could be said to have fallen far below national critical mass. This must be reversed and the relationship between size and technology must be better understood and articulated."
I can’t figure out which circle I can post this, so I hope it’s ok here. But anyone who is better informed explain what is meant by the relationship between size and technology must be better understood and articulated?
I know there’s always someone saying we are going to war, I know there’s always opinions on the likelihood and outcomes and what we should or shouldn’t be doing. But obviously there’s a lot of tensions currently and I saw this article, about Richard Overy’s article in the telegraph (that’s paywalled) and can’t grasp the everyday meaning of this statement. I know we’ve cut military spending and this has vaguely been addressed in some manifestos, but I don’t get the context of that in relation to how the relationship between size and and technology should be better ‘understood and articulated’.
Is it me who is missing the obvious or if this is deliberately vague and obfuscating.
Tia to any of the wise women of Ovarit who can shed some light.
i’m 28. I feel you so hard! It’s like other people figured out how to be successful and I totally missed the boat. I used to think it was important to me that I made a living doing my art, and being genuine and true to myself. Now i’m thinking the people who work at a high-paying, demanding job, and then get a vacation once a year might be having more fun than me. There are no days off from being broke. especially with the economy how it is, im struggling to get business as an artist.
I feel behind. then I have to remember that I had cancer 2 years ago and it interrupted my whole life and changed everything and I was only 26. if i beat myself up for having cancer, im being so callous and mean to myself. Perhaps its better to accept that certain things in life are out of my control, but I do have some control. I have control over my routine and what I do every day. building good habits is hard for me, but I have to keep trying.
Im also single and thats a whole thing too. on the one hand, I like being able to do whatever I want at any time. on the other, it does get lonely. but then I spend some time around people in longterm relationships and hear the needling little comments they make at one another and wonder if im missing out after all.
I often feel paralyzed by an inability to just pick a direction to try going in. I also feel like I have to put in so much more work to get to places. Maybe that is what it is, but I've been struggling with just accepting that lately.
It’s like that Sylvia Plath quote about picking figs before they rot…we just have to make a decision and go all in. maybe it works out, maybe it doesnt, but you cant really choose ‘wrong’ because the universe (i believe) doesn’t punish you. the regret of not doing anything is certainly worse than doing the wrong thing for a bit. the time will pass anyway.
so yeah, just wanted to comment and say I am right there with you. late twenties are so hard to figure out.
sorry you're feeling this way too! it does seem like a lot of people our age feel this way and it does feel like a common problem at this point. I guess with the way the world is it also makes it feel like everything is going to just inherently be this way, like there's no escape...that's something I've been really struggling with, trying to not feel like this is all inescapable/this is just how things are going to be for me. I've been trying to get better at like, "radical acceptance" but I think my problem is I have this idea that my life is shitty forever so I don't want to like, accept THAT. I want to accept things like "the guy you went on a date with wasn't that into you, and that's fine, doesn't really mean anything" and not "you are going to be lonely for the rest of your life and all the people you love will leave you behind because you're just not that great!". It feels hard to separate the reasonable vs unreasonable feelings sometimes!
I think it is a common problem. twenty years ago you could get by on life and be happy with less because the cost of living was less. but we have to believe there must be a way out…the alternative is to lose all hope…i cant stand behind just giving up. our lives are NOT shitty forever, they’re just shitty right now. and our lvies were even shittier at different times, but we survived and it got better. I find it helps me to write down the things that I want. seeing them written down on paper makes them so more attainable. and then you can take action every day/week to get towards that goal. it just cant be that hard! so many people do it. i believe we can have better lives.
I'm the same, I don't want to just give up hope and I don't think that's the answer even if realistically I know there's going to be struggles ahead because the world we live in just isn't the same anymore. Comparison is definitely the thief of joy, and I feel like the only way to protect against it is to do what you can to change things. It just sucks when progress is slow, compared to (oops, there it is again) other people.
I felt that way when I was younger, OpusDei, but honestly, the thing that helped me was to realize that you do have a life. Your own life, beautiful parts and ugly parts all. And while the days seem long, the years are short. Even if there were not another soul on the planet, your life can still be wonderous. Find that wonder--whatever your flavor is--and build a life around it. Don't look at others, 'cos you aren't able to be them. You can only be you. Find the wonder, take a few justified risks, and you'd be surprised how that draws people to you . . .
I guess I don't now how to build a beautiful life, if I think that the life I have is lacking, or if I feel I am not finding much meaning in the life I currently have.
I’m 27 and could’ve written this myself. I was laid off last year, and have spent this year following a dream that is quite unlikely to pan out into the dream career I want, but I figured now is the time to try before I regret it. But at the same time all my friends are getting promotions and getting engaged or finding boyfriends, and I purposefully don’t date because of my experience with my last boyfriend turned TIM. I’ve only been on one date since, and I find the dating scene too horrendous to bother trying.
I was doing fine until my best friend got a boyfriend this past year, as she was the last one of my friends still single. We used to hang out 3+ times a week, and now I’m lucky if I see her once every other week and her responses to my texts are often 1-3 words. Between taking risks that could lead to big career setbacks and being replaced by a boy, I’ve been feeling much the same as you. And like you have also rationalized, I can’t get mad at my friends for settling down and building their lives, and I’m glad they’re doing it.
But I feel so shitty and so stuck, and watching them ticking off all the boxes you’re “supposed” to check strikes ice-cold fear into my own heart. I frequently oscillate between aggressively never wanting to date again and dearly missing being in a relationship. And honestly just wanting someone to hang out with me and have me be their number one. I hate how friendships are put underneath romantic relationships, and it feels shitty as hell how my best friendship I’ve had for over 15 years is now incredibly unequal cause she’s dating someone. I think most of all I’m just afraid of the lonely future I see on the path I’m on, even if I don’t know how or even if I want to change it.
The only thing that’s helped me is forcing myself to be nicer to myself about the situation. I’m a chronic problem solver, feeling avoider, and also have a bad habit of negative self talk. Letting myself even acknowledge that I felt shitty, and letting myself feel real shitty for like a week, and then trying to assess my own life with a more compassionate voice in my head has helped somewhat. But the feelings still go up and down.
Not very helpful, but I feel you so hard! I think it’s even more painful being this age in the digital age where you can constantly see other people’s lives and how much “better” they appear. Like seeing a suggested post of an old high school classmate’s Instagram who is now an influencer and has a beautiful apartment in nyc did not help me much last night lol. .
My last boyfriend also turned TIM. It sucks that others feel this way but at least we're not alone - I resonate with everything you said. I try to maintain a rounded group of friends because of the inevitability that they often want to spend more time with their partner (which I understand for the most part, though I think it's shitty to completely disengage from friendships), but it still sucks sometimes. Yes, the digital age definitely has a way of rubbing all the things you don't have in your face. I try to remember that whether it's offline or online, people aren't always sharing the full picture, so maybe other people are still dealing with just as many issues as I am at any given moment...but of course, it still hurts to be reminded of the things you don't have.
First of all....a warm hug from a mum with 4 adult children. One of the most excellent things you can do is question life and where you sit in the world because it's the best way to understand where you belong. Life is a Marathon, not a Sprint. Allow yourself the time, space to find your niche. Just because everybody else seems to be sorted and settled doesn't mean you never will 🤗
Edited to say...not every amazing person needs to follow the path everybody else is on.
not every amazing person needs to follow the path everybody else is on.
What if I want to be on that path? (I don't mean to sound incredulous, but just trying to work out the feelings)
What I meant is we all have our own individual direction to head in.
We don't know what's around the corner, or through the next door we open.
I relate to this a lot. I feel similarly stuck too, especially career-wise and relationship-wise, ever since my health issues derailed some of my life plans. I haven’t been able to easily get myself back on track after that.
I wish I had some advice or tips to share, but all I have to offer are my words of support. ❤️ I think that there’s many of us in similar boats!
Do not get caught up in hetero-temporality. lol. that is what we academics call it. All that normative BS has never been a friend to women. think about it.
It's hard when you feel like you are being surrounded on all sides in it, and again, it's hard if you think that is the path you want.
Then think about the time you now have to decide if you really want that or if you have been socialized and peer pressured to want that your entire life. You have the leisure to ask questions like: is having kids really healthy for the planet and the future of its inhabitants? Do I want to have a kid during these terrible times? are there other ways I can contribute to the world (I always think of all the good Oprah has done by not choosing to focus on the family or even her het relationship)? Do I need a relationship to define me? to bring me happiness? I was happily single until 33. I focused on my education and writing and feminist friend circle. I was in grad school and learning feminist knowledge and meeting amazing women. I got to live in all sorts of different places, move about as I chose. I experienced life and ideas and art and it was bliss. And bc I was happy and fulfilled (and going to therapy), I was in a good place to meet my soulmate and life partner with whom I have been for 26 years now--no fights, no compromises, no resentments. I had the clarity to see something good and healthy (and simply walk away from all the bad men out there with not an emotional scrape).
You are lucky to have this time for introspection and expansion, to break from the norms imposed on you and find your own way, maybe by reading some feminist foremothers and being given the tools to imagine a better way. Remember, for most (nearly all) women, this normative path has been incredibly toxic. If the trial with Gisele Picolet has taught us anything, is that the normative path, even when it seems good/fine/whatever, can lead to the worst horrors for women. We learned this too from the documentary about trans widows recently released. What you are labeling as 'progress' in life is really regressive patriarchal norms that trap women in situations that can be impossible to escape. Why does progress look so Victorian (wife, mother)? I know some here have been happy with this path, but many, many have been victimized by it. It is only very recently that women could even come forward to admit they regret having kids. Orna Donath's study might be a place to start. Maybe you created a life to give yourself the space and time to decide whether or not THEIR idea of progress is really YOUR idea of how you want to spend your life. If feminism teaches us anything, it is that social norms have never been women's friends, and in fact, have been set up by patriarchy to keep us in unpaid, unacknowledged labor to reproduce labor and workers. That women deserve much more from life than to be bound to a home (or wealthy enough to pay some other poorer woman, usually WOC, to do it for them, so they can 'have it all'--lol).
Do not let neoliberal feminism sell you a bill of goods.
I'm now more than twice as old as you, but I remember that age as being a particularly shitty/difficult time for me - it's the time of your Saturn return, which often involves 'hitting bottom' emotionally and being in a particularly unsettled and stressful period.
For what it's worth, I do feel like my life is a lot better than it was 2-3 years ago. I feel like I made a lot of positive changes. I don't think my life feels particularly difficult now, or like I've gone back on progress or anything, but I guess I still feel disappointed that I'm not where I thought I'd be.
It might be worth your while to read about the Saturn return. Also, weirdly, I happen to be rewatching one of my favourite TV series; Erica is 32 when it starts, and is going through a lot....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Being_Erica