Well, some other advice I have is that if the thoughts feel impulsive, don't try to force them to stop. Treat them like buses at a bus stop. Imagine you are standing at a bus stop, and when you get a thought such as "I hate myself", treat it like a bus that arrives at the bus stop. Simply acknowledge the bus (or the thought). It exists, but we don't need to get on the bus. Let the bus pass and wait for another bus (or another thought). Get on the bus you want (focus on the thoughts you want). You might have to wait for several buses to pass to find one you want. Let the other buses go.

I noticed that when I tried to force myself to stop having some kind of thoughts, I would only get more frustrated, because I couldn't prevent myself from having bad thoughts. But here's the thing, it was a vicious cycle because I was feeling guilty I couldn't stop the bad thoughts. You don't have to stop the bad thoughts though- you can simply acknowledge their existence and watch them pass on by. It definitely takes some work to learn how to do, but I think it's helpful vs trying to stop the thoughts (which is hard to do!)

Hope this will help some.

As someone who has dealt with similar struggles, let me give you some advice that worked for me... Go outside, and do things that you enjoy entirely by yourself. Get into nature, go visit an art gallery, have a quiet drink by yourself and reflect on what is most important to you and you alone.

Be alone, be OK with being alone, and forget that other people even exist, just for a little while. The intense focus on yourself and your perceived shortcomings really does evaporate when you have time to yourself. Women are acculturated to be there for anyone and everyone but themselves, and I found that breaking out of that paradigm really did me a lot of good.

Yes, I struggled for years with feelings of self-loathing, obsessing over mistakes, constant guilt and a voice in my head alternating between 'you're stupid' and 'I'm sorry.'

The biggest thing that helped me was spending time with animals/ in nature instead of human company. First, I got a kitten and focused on taking care of her. It helps get you out of yourself when a little creature is looking to you for nurturance, play, love etc. Then I took a herbalism class and began spending more time outdoors. Whether you focus on plants, birds, fungi, insects or mammals, spending time in nature made me realize that there is a vast profusion of different life forms out there, none of them apologize for themselves, and they lead all manner of different kind of lives. And none of them are judging you. Time in nature, even if it's just standing close to trees in a park, helps soothe your nervous system.

If your compulsive behaviors are in response to trauma, I would recommend a body-centered therapy, such as EMDR or somatic experiencing.

You may also want to look into volunteering in a capacity that helps others -- whether taking care of animals, visiting elders, making food at a soup kitchen or working in a hospital. Focusing on those who need your help can also get you out of your own head.

Best wishes, I know it's a painful place to be, but I also know it can get better!

raises hand ayo 1000% relate

I've been clinically depressed since I was teenager so depression has been the dog I can't get rid of for over 20 years at this point. I just had a counselling session yesterday because I relapsed again for the 4th time recently due to some changes in my work life.

The constant feeling of hating yourself because you believe you're the worst piece of shit to ever exist, and the constant beating of yourself up for things that are over, are unhealthy thought patterns that you have recognized but do not know how to stop. And... I haven't had a lot of success with stopping them per se but I do deal with them a little better now in knowing these thoughts are either greatly exaggerated, false, or simply magnified to ridiculous proportions.

If you look up "depression ways of thinking" you'll likely see a list of things you may agree and identify with. Pulling from my summarized search:

All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing things in absolute terms, such as “I’m a complete failure” or “I’ll never be happy again.” This pattern can lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

Overgeneralization: Drawing broad conclusions based on a single event or experience, such as “I’ll never be able to overcome this setback” or “I’m a total failure as a person.”

Rumination: Repeatedly focusing on negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences, making it difficult to shift attention to more positive aspects of life.

Negative Filtering: Focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation, while ignoring positive ones.

Disqualifying the Positive: Dismissing or minimizing positive experiences or feedback, leading to a lack of self-confidence and self-worth.

Magnification: Exaggerating the importance or consequences of a situation, making it seem more catastrophic than it actually is.

Perfectionism: Striving for flawlessness, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism when imperfections arise.

I'll tell you that all of those apply to the way I think STILL lmao it's fucked deep seated self hatred as shit and it's ANNOYING AS FUCK BUT

There are ways to cope with it now that you can identify the various beasts prowling in your head and know they are falsehoods.

The method my previous therapist taught me was CBT, or cognitive behavior therapy. (You can look this up too, some sites have literal worksheets.) What it is: it forces you to confront the thoughts, get them out, sort them into the various ways of disordered thinking above, and then challenge them by going, "Does Jane really think I deserve to die for that thing I said or am I overblowing the situation? If Jane said that to me, what would I have said to her? Should that not apply to me too and am I being way too fucking harsh and dramatic with myself? And if she did mean it, is that objectively true? What are the things I know are factually true that counter this thought?" You basically turn yourself into a fucking courthouse and become your own defense attorney against your dick of a prosecutor who's relentless in getting you a guilty verdict.

It's... work. And sometimes the work just... doesn't feel worth doing - sometimes it feels more comfortable to just lie there and stew in it because doing or even thinking anything else is tiring. And it's okay to take the time to process your feelings and reflect. But all things need to be in balance, and you can't be filling up the cup of negativity all the time or you'll just get stuck there.

The cousellor I saw yesterday told me I had to sometimes do things before I felt motivated for them (even if I didn't feel like it), instead waiting for motivation to drive me to action, because fuck knows my motivation is shot and dead lol. Once you take that first step of action, it pulls you out of the spiral of unproductive thought. It can be for thirty seconds, a minute, doesn't matter. As long as it's something. To take a walk, or work on something, anything. As long as you're not sitting and stewing. And also that I need to keep my positive cup as full as my negative one constantly is so that the balances weren't so fucked in the red.

I'm also supposed to start keeping a journal for affirmations (can be as simple as "I'm just not going to kill myself today even if I think about doing it" or "I'm going to treat myself to one good thing today") and making a reminder to myself for the things I am grateful for (that biscoff exists, that my favorite character in a game was created because he looks SO good, that my partner is so ceaselessly kind and patient even if I don't feel I deserve it, that one music you can loop for ten hours without getting sick of it) - anything and everything you can think of that drags you away from the humdrum of "fuck me why am I such a shitstain and why am I so fucking self-absorbed with my own existential angst, does anyone fucking give a shit, I wish I was fucking dead because I contribute NOTHING to this hell earth" etc

It sucks it fucking sucks and the struggle is real as shit I wish you luck. Do not ever feel stupid for reaching out for help and wanting to make things better. You deserve to be happy with yourself.

eta: the "enjoying nothing" is very real too. they call it "anhedonia" now but it's just a schmancy way to say you're so affected by depression that literally nothing is enjoyable. don't beat yourself up for this. for now, just try to find the things that make it somewhat tolerable, that don't require effort on your part - like listening to music, or looking at things. my hobbies die every time I get depressed and it sucks

At some point in time, I decided that all my intrusive thoughts about how awful I am didn't actually come from me, but from a little guy who lived in my head and insulted my day. I named him Dave. Dave was a dick and all his opinions were to be ignored.

This didn't exactly help me the way I wanted it to, but the idea was so ridiculous that when I get into a depressive spiral I sometimes think about Dave and it breaks me out of it.

I don't enjoy any creative or physical hobbies anymore because any mistake sends me spiraling

You already got good advice on the other stuff, so I'll tackle this one. When it comes to hobbies, especially creative ones, get in the Bob Ross mindset of calling mistakes "happy accidents." Just power through it, learn how to adapt, and roll with it. Sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised at the outcome and how it took you in an unexpected direction. In the harder cases, you'll have at least have learned something valuable. That's far more productive than hating yourself.

Indeed, learning how to be comfortable making mistakes is a good life habit in general. I choose the word "habit" carefully because it does take conscious effort and work. It's not something you pick up right away. If you fail, keep trying. It gets easier with practice and age.

One final note: Give journaling a try. Unloading all of that mental garbage into a journal really does shut a lot of it up. Just get it out. Throw it away if it's on paper or delete it if you feel self-conscious about it, but just get it out.

Cognitive behavioral therapy really helped me a lot with the problem you describe.

Similar to others, sounds like depression and/or OCD to me. It can be really hard and heart-breaking because unlike a physical injury there is no date when you'll know you'll be rid of it and you really just have to find professional and communal support and work through it. There's so many possible reasons. Maybe there is a chemical imbalance in your brain or maybe you're undergoing a period of deep sadness and instability because of previous experiences, you held it off until you couldn't, and your brain is telling you that things need to change asap. Whatever it is I hope you treat it with dignity and compassion and seek professional help.

Somebody else said pets and animals and I will add to that! My cats remind me that human beings aren't the only greedy and shitty species out there. Cats can be annoying and produce terrible smells but I still love them. This reminds me what love is about. It's lovely to feel that you are needed. And when you're down, none of what affects you affects them in their lives. They are so simple it is important to remember that sometimes life can really be that simple. Just being. Maybe it won't help you immediately given the critical situation you're in right now but it definitely makes a big change in the long-term as it always grounds you.

Journal a lot, journal compulsively. My journals from when I was depressed still make me cry to this day but they were the most important and powerful thing I chose to do in my life to be the kind of person I am today. Let everything flow, don't judge, write about your dreams and impossible desires. They are probably not impossible and they will guide you towards the changes you need to make in life.

Choose a routine with the most sunny places you can find, it makes a difference somehow. Also bring more warmth into your life with sunny colors, warm blankets, and hot coffee and tea.

If there is any community choir or any group arts and crafts in your neighborhood I heavily suggest doing it, even if it is uncomfortable at first. Anywhere with older women and laughter is a good place. Be somewhere you can disappear into the group and still enjoy yourself a little bit. If the place is a happy place, you will slowly become more like it when you're there, and you'll realize you can exist differently.

Acknowledge that things need to change.

I watched this Marisa Peer video a long time ago and her advice really helped me.