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Need Advice or SupportHow to get comfortable speaking
I don’t mean public speaking, and I don’t mean speaking up in difficult situations. Lately I just feel like the things I have to say have no value, or at least none that will be seen by those who hear me. I think it’s because over the years I’ve noticed that, sometimes when I think I’m saying something insightful, I basically get a non-response.
Example: during my undergrad I took an American History class. We were looking at a photograph of a Native American warrior on his horse and his wife was in the photo also. We were analyzing this as a primary source document and pointing out things we could learn from it. People said things like, warriors had high standing in this tribe. Horses were very valuable. Etc. And I said, “the women must have been subservient; the wife is standing off to the side almost as an accessory.” And the professor and everyone else just said “okay” and moved on, while the other points got more acknowledgement and discussion. It kind of made me feel like I’d made a stupid, irrelevant comment.
And this doesn’t just happen in topics of feminism and women. Sometimes I try to relate with similar stories (although I’ve learned not to do this OVERLY much or it comes off as “one-upping” or making things about myself) and I get ignored or talked over.
I guess I am worried about my social skills and picking up social cues, and feeling like maybe the things I have to say might be interesting to me but are generally useless and people are sick of my shit. Sometimes even on Ovarit I’ll type up a whole comment and then delete it because who would give af what I have to say, it adds nothing! Previously I’ve felt like a fairly intelligent person with pertinent things to say. Maybe I’ve lost my touch?
Hook up culture is bad for women. Period. Very high risk and very low reward.
I'm with you. And I'm really sick of the label 'prude' getting thrown at any woman who has standards or self-respect. Men I wanted to sleep with have called me that, just because I wasn't willing to go out with any guy who asked or get in bed with them after 'hanging out' (not even a date)! For awhile, I felt really bad about myself and my supposed 'hang ups' but it finally dawned on me that I wasn't the one with the 'hang up,' they were. They were projecting crap onto me just because I hadn't made it easy for them. They made assumptions about me without even asking me out.
Why should sex be easy? Why should I? Frankly, the expectations of instant gratification and easy access has made a lot of men terrible lovers. And we haven't even touched on violent porn. Meghan Murphy herself has said most men these days are 'bad at sex.' They're bad at relationships too. So let's stop rewarding them for laziness, entitlement and name-calling/shaming.
I hate any expectation that I or any woman has to have sex with strangers and outside of a relationship. But I don't hate that women including me sometimes are just horny and don't view sex as a big deal. Some people view sex as fun and don't need an emotional connection.
Personally I would rather have sex with an acquaintance than a male friend. A friend is a non sexual thing to me.
I'm early 20s and the whole dating scene while I was in university was just a hookup scene. I attempted to date a couple times, and every time I ended up turning the guy down because he expected that date = sex with how the culture was. After about three tries I stopped because I was seeing the pattern and honestly thought it was gross and demeaning.
There's definitely the expectation now that with more sex positivity (which I have absolutely no problem with) means that more women need to have sex with men whenever they want, because "it's just a hookup, it doesn't matter". I won't tell a woman that she can't have sex with whoever she wants to, that's her choice. But I don't like that by association, I'm expected to have sex with whatever man takes five seconds to send me a message on Snapchat or Instagram, and I'm a useless prude who needs to go die or be raped by a group of men if I say no.
That's the impression I get of dating apps, especially Tinder. I wish "trad" men would admit that and keep it in mind every time they whine about "body count" and virginity. Many men expect women to have sex with them before a relationship is established, or a relationship just won't happen. Most men don't want to spend months, or even weeks, taking a woman on dates, getting to know her, and bonding with her emotionally before they have (or possibly don't have) sex.
Being on Tinder was like that. Matching with a man meant he expected you to sleep with him and it was just a matter of calendaring. It was so gross.
I am old-fashioned. Sex is intimate. Hooking up with friends or strangers is only going to create problems. If he doesn't care about you, he may get demanding or abusive about sex. If he does care about you, he's going to get attached and want a relationship, in which case congrats you've got possible commitment, but it might not be from the right person because you didn't do your vetting beforehand. And men who want to date are even more pushy and desperate than men who want sex. And there's the opposite, the woman getting emotionally invested and wanting a relationship before vetting, which can lead to heartbreak or into toxic relationships.
Sex is an emotional experience and we need to be mindful of the effect it has on us and on the people we are having it with. Trust is essential and sometimes norms exist for a reason.
The one and only time I casually hooked up with a guy, I cried so hard once I got home. I knew he didn’t actually care about me and I regretted sharing my body with him because I knew that’s all he wanted. I never did it again and now I’m nearing my 4 year anniversary with my bf.
I've never participated in it. Hookup culture just runs contrary to how I was raised. I was raised to believe that sex was for, if not marriage, at least a long-term loving relationship. I have a very high libido and can certainly imagine having sex with men I don't know. It's fine as a fantasy, but I wouldn't want it in real life. I want sex to be with a partner that I have some level of commitment to and can trust.
From what I've heard, most men are either not invested in a casual partner's pleasure, or worse, are actively disrespectful or violent. I wouldn't want to risk something like that. I'm easy to get off, so I would not have a problem orgasming with a one-night stand, but I would be pissed as hell if some dude tried to hit me or strangle me. It's not worth it.
Hookup culture was a nightmare 20 years ago and I see no evidence that it has changed. Men took the idea that "women should be free to choose their sexual partners" and twisted it into "fuck you bitch, give me sex"
But I'll go further to say that hookups, fwb, boyfriends, fiancé, and husband have all been a net negative for me. Each with a different twist.
It’s very hard to find a net positive situation with a man. It’s like looking for a .5 carat diamond in a landfill. Idk why women are even attracted to men.
As a chronically single person (3 relationships in my past, middle one was with a woman - I'm bisexual but prefer men) who wants to find a husband and have children - if you feel comfortable, I would love to hear more about why the fiancé/s and husband were negatives for you!
I hate it too. I don’t have any desire to give my body to a man I don’t know or love. For me, sex is an act of trust, to share with a loved and trusted person. I honestly think hyper sexualisation is SO bad for women and girls. It’s bad for society in general. I can’t stand it.
Casual sex sucks even when you take men out of the equation. It’s just not good. Boring at best, corrosive to the soul at worst.
I hooked up when I was younger but it was never because I needed an orgasm—I could achieve that by myself—more because I wanted to touch another person’s skin. The emotional fallout was never worth it. Now the idea horrifies me. If other women can enjoy hookups then more power to them, I guess, but there’s nothing in it for me.
Edit: the existence of hookup culture puts me all the way off dating because I never want to have casual sex again, and even the least shitty men seem to take it for granted that a trial bang will be extended before anything is nailed down.
I hate hookup culture too. I generally feel like society is on a one way train to making everyone significantly less connected to each other and ourselves and it feels purposeful. From hookup culture to porn and OF to the superficiality of social media in general to the commodification of absolutely everyone and everything, etc etc.
I'm currently reading Female Erasure: What You Need To Know About Gender Politics' War on Women, the Female Sex and Human Rights (2016) edited by Ruth Barrett - it's an anthology and the chapter I'm on talks about how the more a culture separates itself from the natural born body, the more dissconnect and damage is done to the land/earth.
Basically drawing a connection between the disregard and desecration of the female body to the destruction of all of our mother earth. I can't agree more - it makes me very scared for the future, like we may be running towards societal collapse.
I like the idea of casual sex and ONS in theory, but in reality, modern men have become so violent and sexist, it’s not worth it. Especially with how common strangulation is as a fetish. I feel like I have to vet every guy I interact with to make sure I don’t end up a statistic. In practice, it’s better to be celibate.
I’m reading a series of books by Mary Mackey set in 4,000 BC, in which, in the matriarchal culture of the books, women can sleep with whomever they wish, short term or long term; if they have children, they appoint a male guardian for that child, which is a great honor; families are seen as being led by the mother; and the villages take care of everyone’s needs communally. It sounds ideal and utopian, and I would be thrilled to life in a culture like that.
In reality, in our modern day culture, my experience was that hookup culture - which started decades ago, even if it seems to be on steroids now - was terrible for me, and left me feeling empty and used, even when I didn’t actually want a long term relationship with the dude. I’m not saying everyone’s experience is mine, but only a few guys seemed to care about my pleasure at all, and this is when, nominally, the cultural focus was on a man’s skill at giving women orgasms. Interestingly, two of the most caring and skillful were definitely, clearly one night stands from the very start.
As for hooking up with friends, that was the worst disaster of all, and taught me that my male friends - of which I thought I had many - actually couldn’t be trusted and that the friendships never actually were real, just a sort of bookmark until they could get me in bed. Fortunately, I learned that lesson quickly.
In retrospect, it was marriage that gave me the comfort and space to speak up for my needs without being rejected and to experience true desire rather than lust. But say that now, and I’m an old grandma who doesn’t understand female empowerment. Maybe things would be different in a culture like the one from those books, but that is clearly not what we have now.
Yeah, the best sex of my life happened with the guy I married, both before and after. It’s good that we’re not together anymore, but sex wasn’t the problem. Part of why I’m so picky is that I have had lots of good sex in relationships and I feel no need to be naked with a stranger.
"As for hooking up with friends, that was the worst disaster of all, and taught me that my male friends - of which I thought I had many - actually couldn’t be trusted and that the friendships never actually were real, just a sort of bookmark until they could get me in bed. Fortunately, I learned that lesson quickly."
Thank you for addressing this aspect of my post. What you wrote has been my exact instinct about many of these male "friends" women hook up with.
Edit: Seems like a good thing the ones you knew exited your life quickly - I've known cases where the male friends linger in the woman's circle and wait for more opportunities to have a casual encounter when the woman was either drunk or on the rebound. They are opportunistic men who treat women's bodies like vending machines that occasionally may short circuit and drop a free candy bar or bag of chips.
Those male “friends” are called “Orbiters” and girls need to be taught to sniff them out very early because they are also statistically most likely to be the one to sexually assault or rape a girl bc he has been able to get into some kind of intimate space with her behind the appearance of a trustworthy friend .
I kind of like the visual of "vultures" rather than "orbiters" for that reason.
I've never liked hook-up culture or participated in it, no matter what my viewpoints were at the time. I'm a romantic and I also don't want to be physically vulnerable with someone I don't trust. And there's no way a stranger is getting me to reach orgasm... basically, like many women have said, there are little to no benefits for women and nothing to lose for men. Not a good combination.
But, even as a bisexual, I still wouldn't want to have hookups with women. I'd much prefer dating or staying friends; mixing the two sounds like an easy recipe to get too attached. But my lack of sexual experience and willingness to be casual is one reason I worry I won't find a female partner when I'm ready to date again. 😥
"I also don't want to be physically vulnerable with someone I don't trust"
🔔🔔🔔 Ding, ding, ding - that's exactly how I feel. For me to sleep with someone, I need to feel in love with them, which is why I've only been with the 3 people who are my exes. I'm actually not planning on having sex with a man again until my wedding night, and who knows if that will ever happen.
This, 1000%.
I don't know how women can put themselves in a situation where they're at their most vulnerable, with their only natural predator, when they don't even trust said predator.
I could never; I'm worth too much to myself, and I don't want to risk getting PTSD , an STI, or worse.
I'm with you here. I don't trust strangers so one night stands don't work for me. I tried and learned the hard way it's not for me. Trust and comfort (or just myself lol) are necessary to reach orgasm. I need trust and attraction to get into bed in the first place, and in my experience, those things can't come from a casual acquaintance.
The right person will come when you're ready for her, and she won't mind sexual inexperience. Who knows, she might be in the same boat, considering the wasteland that is dating right now.
Sex is alright, but I'd only do it with a partner. I'm a straight woman and I can barely stand most men, so casual sex with them would be disgusting for me.
I think it's quite common to feel like this, but society is very hypersexualised because of media and porn. I also think this is were things like "demisexuality" came from. Normal people who think media depicts the real world
I don't understand hookup motivation for women at all. Like... surely a vibrator will be more satisfying???
The ratio of women getting off alone vs women getting off during a ONS is very much in favor of the toy industry
A friend of mine said she really liked doing hookups and one night stands in her younger years, and I asked if she had ever had sex with anyone completely sober, and she said no. She doesn't drink anymore and she's married, but I pointed out that if you're too inebriated to remember the encounter or the man, then you just remember the thrill of being desired. It is NICE to be desired, but it it's cheap compared to sex when you actually like and trust the other person. I think hookup culture takes advantage of women, because we don't want to be seen as stuck up prudes gatekeeping sex. We want to be seen as cool and fun and adventurous, but that wears off eventually. Frankly, I am a prude and I gatekeep the hell out of access to my body, and it's served me well. (And I am still fun, but on my own terms!)
Gatekeeping is the female birthright! This has developed into a core spiritual belief for me.
I agree. I think the many, many ways that men have blocked women from having (or even considering partner choice an absolute female prerogative) has allowed men to turn the world upside down in more ways than we realize. The damage to the biosphere, the deep seated hatred of women and over population are just the obvious ones. I wonder if male takeover of these things has changed the sex ratio at birth. We have far more males than we need.
I hate that being critical of hook up culture gets you called names. I hate that it’s “sex negative”
When I was younger I did engage in hook ups. Most people back then did. It was the norm. I’m early 30s so most people my age will know what it was like.
Now that I’m older I can see what it was. It’s nice to feel desired by men, especially when you’re younger. But they don’t care about you. They don’t find you beautiful or smart. You’re just not a person to them.
There’s also times where I’d just agree to sex because I’m there and didn’t want to say no, and felt pressured . I’ve never had a good hookup.
I think most women that advocate for hook ups do not engage in hooking up. It’s a fun fantasy for them. I had a group of libfem friends and the one that encouraged it the most, was someone that had never had a bf, or held hands or kissed a man, let alone hookup with a guy. She’s never been on a date. She is still like this as far as I know. She doesn’t take on the risks with that lifestyle and yet tells women it’s empowering. She has no idea about any of it.
Another one was similar but was always in LTR. at one point in my life I did have a fwb for like 2 years. At this time I dated multiple men but didn’t have sex with them, just my fwb. She would call me a slut for dating these guys etc. But I only had one sexual partner for a few years. She was also very outspoken about how slut shaming is bad but was always quick to call me names.
So now when I see women that are supporting this behaviour; I know they do not do this and yes they do judge you.
"I think most women that advocate for hook ups do not engage in hooking up. It’s a fun fantasy for them. I had a group of libfem friends and the one that encouraged it the most, was someone that had never had a bf, or held hands or kissed a man, let alone hookup with a guy. She’s never been on a date. She is still like this as far as I know. She doesn’t take on the risks with that lifestyle and yet tells women it’s empowering. She has no idea about any of it."
🔩🔨 Hammer, meet nail. You hit it on the head. My most sex-positive friend is exactly the same type of person you describe - a libfem who is even pro 'sex work' despite me giving her all the info (I've written about her before here as the one who came around to agree about not having men in women's spaces, but there needs to be third spaces literally everywhere 🙄). My other libfem friend who is also a total virgin & kissless was more convinced that 'sex work' is inherently bad for women, but she has been harder to turn against gender identity ideology for whatever reason.
Women who don’t have enough experience with men don’t understand how toxic men really are. Some things sound fun or “empowering” in theory but it doesn’t work out that way in reality.
Totally agree! I even once made a post here about one-night stands. I am in a long-term-relationship and I do love sex, but only because I trust my partner. I wouldn't be able to enjoy sex with someone I just met. I just wouldn't be able to relax. What if it becomes painful and I want to stop it? Will he listen to me? I know my partner will, even if it was me who initiated sex in the first place. A random man? Maybe he will, maybe he won't, but I have never wanted to test.
I've tried the fwb route and it's not for me. I got addicted to the sex, the friendship was okay most of the time, but the dissociation I had to enforce to not get attached was harmful to my mental health. I knew he was not someone I wanted to commit to due to differing values but decided to still hookup because I saw it as "fun" at the time. I decided to go no contact after about a year to get away from the addictive element that just left me feeling mentally dissociated, disconnected, and empty.
I guess I can at least say "been there, done that, it's not for me". Reading other women's experiences since then I'm starting to think it's not for any woman.
That's exactly why I've never engaged in a casual sexual relationship - it would drain my emotional energy instantly. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I think men make it bad. They are too entitled and gross. It can’t be done to meet the man’s needs. They have to meet the woman’s needs.
Don't like casual sex. No interested. Anyone I have sex with better show me a recent and fully clear std sheet including the ones they don't test as much for. And I better trust them enough to believe there's been no one in between
Haven't been opposed to make outs if the mood strikes though.
Something inside me just says that it desecrates the sanctity of my body to let random male 'friends' have access to it
This really resonates with me. You are very much on to something here.
Funny you mention this today. I was just thinking that as part of Gen Z it really is impossible to date anyone because of the all the misguided people who have bought into the brainrot that is hookup "dating culture". All the mainstream "dating advice" of my generation is basically just how-to guides on how to become an emotionally manipulative and abusive sociopath, or how to be a self-centered loser who cares about nothing other than oneself instead of forming a mature healthy partnership with another equal adult human being. Hookup culture requires that you treat other human lives like they are expendible, and it disgusts me. Why bother dating at all, when someone will just throw you away or "ghost" you at the first opportunity on whim?
I'm with you. It sucks something out of you when they've used your body for their penis jollies, friend or random dude both. Female bodies deserve something better.
I've participated in hookup culture but always on the condition that I got to go on a date with the person first, sober, and stay in contact. If they can't entertain me in a good conversation then I can't have sex with them. I almost never go into penetrative sex on the first night/try - we keep it to foreplay. Never do it with a living mate or close friend. It definitely wasn't a bad experience to me but I think it all depends on each person's objective and how confident they are with their own boundaries (something which most young women, at 21, are not). Some even criticized me back then to be confused by treating hook ups similar to dating - but I knew that was exactly the only possible acceptable and pleasurable way for me, and the only way that maintains everybody's dignity.
My perspective is peculiar because I am a lesbian, I had dating and sexual experience with women before trying men and was very confident in myself already, and my hookups with men were all just experiments, no penetration, where I just made them pleasure me for the most part. I had no fear of getting emotionally entangled to them or at a disadvantaged situation because I had 0 attraction. I knew I had more power than them because my "market value" as a young woman was much higher than theirs; I could choose, they less so. I took a boy out once because he could give me access to girls on the senior year and I wanted to go to a bar and didn't have anybody else to go with. The promise of sex was the currency they were buying. The 2 boys I chose were kind, respectful, and virgins, and people I would otherwise want to be friends with. The 3rd boy was actually a TIM I decided to try out to earn clarity about my orientation. None of them knew how to fight (I did).
A friend of mine (straight woman) told me I was being cruel and cold with the boys and I said we both knew the interaction was purely transactional and that what each one would benefit from each side was clear. They accepted it. And it's not as if I thought their attraction was something holy and warm lmao.
If you do not like the concept of hookups being an economic transaction, then that's not for you. Most people I think would be utterly disgusted by the idea. Part of me saw sex and intimacy as something that could be done with equality and dignity and which you can improve by practicing, I was infinitely curious about how people relate to their bodies. So I enjoyed the cold aspect of a transaction and dealt with the emotional backlash occasionally.
Hookup culture with girls was much harder to access because girls are harder to access. I had at least 4 situations of them leading me on to sex but withdrawing for mysterious reasons. That was way more painful than any downfall from a hookup. Therefore I know - from experience - that women are not that truly into hookups. As to hookups with women, the first time was incredible and mind-blowing. Other times were also exciting. Personally I love the variety of people's personalities and bodies and a goal I had was to have experience with different ethnicities. It was a very positive experience for me, and I still keep in contact with a few of them.
I'm 24 now. Would I continue hooking up? Absolutely not. That was just a playground, I became experienced, and I want something real moving on. I think hook up culture should stick exclusively to the college age range as a learning experience. I do think if done right, varied sexual experience can help women become socially dominant earlier. You stop being that ingenue. If a man challenges me socially, I know the kind of things that make him weak in his intimate. Even if I'm a lesbian this is still a great skill to have for life. Short-lived situations teach you what it means to be emotionally intelligent and also tough. But again I know I have a pretty wide comfort zone and am probably not your average woman in this topic.
I see nothing morally wrong with a playground. However: I think women need to fully research men's sexuality and psychology before walking into hook ups to understand the terms and conditions from the male perspective, have experience masturbating beforehand, ideally have sexual experience with other women beforehand, have had at least one relationship beforehand, never get into penetration on the first night, know self-defense, stay mostly sober always, pay for their due, and they should never seek hook ups with someone they could emotionally fall for.
All of my hookups fulfilled all of these requirements.
I know this doesn't answer your question but I just wanted to offer a perspective about how some women could possibly benefit from this kind of freedom. As you see, there are many conditions for it which society dismisses when promoting hook ups, and if I were president and turned these requirements into legislation, I think most women would definitely not pass, and hook up culture wouldn't really be much of a thing as it currently is. Frankly the way I did things wasn't really "hook up culture", I just tweaked it my way. So ultimately our opinions are probably not too far off.
Sorry to say that if you're a lesbian, your perspective on hookup culture isn't going to apply to the vast majority of it. Not because your perspective isn't valid and valuable, but because it simply doesn't represent the majority of what's happening in hookup culture--heterosexual sex and the coercion and pressure that often happens along with it. Your vantage point isn't one to preach from, and I mean no offense in saying that.
After giving it some more thought, I think part of my internalized belief is that for hookup culture to work, people have to accept the lowest denominator, which unsurprisingly, is male sexuality. Because of my orientation I was able to ironically understand men and their approach with more clarity. I think - just like with many issues in liberal feminism - all the nice part of freedom regarding women's sexual liberation and hookups is emphasized by society, but little is said about the risks and the actual responsibilities that women have to take for themselves. Essentially hookup culture requires women to approach sex in a more masculine way. By the end of the day it is just putting masculine women on a pedestal (like many things libfem does) and glorifying gay men as the perfect example of sexual freedom (because men so wished women could act like men in sex, being so readily excited and available as they are) while bashing average women and their instinctive approach to sexuality. In other words, it normalizes male sexuality all over again.
And as you are pointing out, there is no point in promoting sexual freedom when women don't have the tools to overcome the coercion and pressure that will inevitably follow from men thinking everything goes.
Your answer is similar to mine at the top but SO much more in depth , fleshed out, and articulate. You’re very rare in these convos and I always look for other women with this perspective/approach and I frequently don’t find it. I’m so irked at your friend saying you’re being cruel to those boys 😵💫😵💫😵💫 . We all know how that exact convo would go down between two guys: bragging and one upping each other on how much they can humiliate and exploit a “dumb girl” (preferrably with pics and vid to show off for proof and clout) Bleck! Let women run “honest” game at their hearts content, I stress honest because you absolutely told them what it was and what it wasn’t . They can make their own decision what terms they agree to and bugger off If they get in their feelings about what they signed on for . This is explicitly how everyone treats women and their issues with getting used . I’m done with even a shred of this notion that we have to be looking out for these dudes anymore than they look out for us.
Men gain everything and lose nothing from hookup culture. The worst they risk is an STI, which typically don't affect them too severely anyway. They're almost guaranteed an orgasm. They don't risk much violence.
Women risk being victims of violence. Women risk contracting STIs which can have serious health effects, including long-term ones. Women risk pregnancy--then an abortion if it's only short term risks which is not a walk in the park, or a child as a long term risk (risking physical, mental, and financial health). And all this to have sex with a man who probably doesn't care about you enough to give you an orgasm. So what does a woman gain from this? Nothing, while she has plenty to lose.
I'm not a prude or sex-negative either. I have had my share of casual sex but I was pretty selective and even then it wasn't worth it. I risked too much and the reward was minimal.
All the most mind-blowing sex I've had has been in committed relationships.
100% agreed with everything you laid out here. The situation of our bodies depends on needing a level of trust and commitment from a sexual partner that porn-rotted men of today are very ill equipped to provide even in committed relationships, let alone in a casual sex scenario.
The main problem with porn-rotted men is they are incapable of being present and connecting to even just their partner's pleasure. So it's a very unsatisfying experience.
Let’s say there’s no risk of bodily harm (pregnancy, STI’s, violence). Let’s say the guy is nice and attractive enough.
Most men have zero interest in giving women an orgasm. The two hookups I had left me feeling gross, yes, but were also just subpar sex that lasted a few minutes. I wish I’d never done it.
The most mind blowing sex for me has been sometimes in relationships sometimes tinder hook ups. I don’t think a very grown woman operating from a place of blunt self serving pleasure seeking and stark honesty about who men really/how they really think is it at as much risk out here as a very young woman or a woman of any age who just won’t do the work on themselves to know the right approach to seeking casual hookups. It is a skill of discernment and self discipline. It’s not for emotionally lazy people paradoxically despite it being ultimately about base pleasure seeking and instant gratification. You really have to know what you’re looking at, what you’re looking for , how to control some of your sillier instincts and how to be incredibly unforgiving with any man’s weird behaviors. these are all skill sets actively suppressed and disincentivized by women's socialization.
Yeah, I'm emotionally detached and I was self serving, discerning, and grown and I still got HPV. So. Congrats for being a magical exception. Hope you've been vaccinated.
I also got HPV and it progressed to cervical dysplasia. I don’t know if I got it from one of my one-offs or a guy that I dated for a year and a half and met my parents. I think it’s more likely I got it from him because he convinced me to stop using condoms during our relationship.
But anyways I’m all cured now and also less interested in men and sex in general. Thank god.
Magical exception… I mean….If that’s how you want to see me I’ll take it 👑. I accept the “compliment” . I do have the vaccine , but my friend who does not, contracted HPV from a perfectly committed relationship with a serious long term boyfriend because - drumroll …..It happens. It’s not a reflection of who is or isn’t being smart out here in how they conduct themselves sexually! HPV was given that name for a reason , bc it’s pretty common out here amongst humans.
How do you control that, though? He could randomly hit you or call you a slur in the middle of sex. And then the whole experience would be ruined.
That’s True. It fortunately never went down like that for me but I know it’s common . Control in that moment would mean stopping sex, possibly getting up and leaving right then and there if his reaction to my displeasure is anything short of groveling and authentic. If it still takes me out of the mood too much I still wouldn’t continue even if he was sorry.
There have been times in my life, especially when I was younger, where I didn’t want to emotionally invest in a man but I would still get horny. The idea of seeking out men for casual encounters came pretty naturally to me. That’s not to say I am the same as a man or anything. I’m still a woman and I have female sexuality.
Same. Female sexuality stands alone. My hormonal cycle is very powerful and it took me a long time to realize this drives it for me . It’s literally around ovulation time that I turn werewolf huntress, borderline unhinged. Now I know when to see it coming and can make an executive decision to not let it override principle and reason , but I wouldn’t always do that I had to learn. I would never want to be a man because If they feel everyday what I feel like around ovulation time then they truly are pitiable , weird savages (But I don’t really pity them of course bc of what they do with it).