Im in my late twenties. I’ve always been the listening ear friend. this year my two best friends have talked my ear off for dozens of hours about men. I’ve been celibate for about two years, with some blips in between (that lead nowhere and didnt break celibacy). Ive gotten so tired and bored of talking about men. the men theyre dating (who are obviously playing games and telling them lies), the men theyve broken up with (after a ten year relationship, thats fair i admit), my god its just all so boring. so that brings me to the problem at hand.

a week ago, my friend (who ended a 10 year horrible relationship with an addict in the spring) met a guy on a camping trip with a mutual friend. she felt like there was something between her and this guy, Billiam (fake name lol), especially because she was ‘so ugly and gross on the trip’ because she didnt wear makeup and just like enjoyed herself i guess? and had acne? Im not a fan of her talking about herself like this.

anyway a week later her and Billiam went out for some late night drinks, and ended up snuggling in his car until like 7 in the morning. she sent me like seven texts about how it was ‘amazing and theyre together now’ and also ‘very fast and weird and scary’ because they just talked so much and he was “the sweetest cutest thing ever”. she wanted to meet up with me and go for a walk.

so we went for a walk and she was gushing about it the whole time and i feel like i was just trying to be realistic. she was saying ‘is this it? like have I found love?” and i had to say maybe give it a little bit of time, hang out sober, dont get ahead of yourself (they did acid together on the camping trip. her previous 10 year relationship started because of an acid trip too…) and honestly the stuff she was saying was just not that mind-blowing or anything. I was trying to be as supportive as I could be, but I cant fake emotions. honestly when i woke up to the texts about her night with this guy, my brain started making a zine called “IDGAF about boys”.

Anyway she went home and before she left she was like “im sorry we jsut talked about me today, but when you have boy stuff to talk about im totally listening” and i was just soo likeeee ugh like is my life not interesting when its about me? what about our dreams and goals outside of men? also she showed me a pic and he wasnt even cute. which she justified several times by saying she was finally ‘not going after the super hot guy with the lust, but actually liking his personality’ which is possibly a sign of growth but also men wouldnt even consider talking to a woman they didnt find attractive and it would never be questioned.

SO then she texted me “are you mad at me” because i didnt respond to her goodbye/thanks text cause I had to go to my grandmas for the afternoon. I said i wasnt mad I just was burnt out about hearing about men and feeling like my life isnt interesting or is an afterthought. when i tell you she was mad. she said i was trying to pull her down from cloud 9. that she deserves kindness and celebration from the joy of love she felt with Billiam. and she had to remind me that she ended a 10 year relationship and had a miscarriage, even though Ive literally been with her every step of the way with that this year. talking to her on the phone about every detail and hurt this man caused her. basically she was pissed i didnt hop around like a 14 year old and squeal because a guy made out with her in his car and they cuddled. im sorry i just dont give a fuck. You met the guy a wek ago. no shit hes saying the nicest things possible to you rn. even though he lives with an ex. no shit hes trying to cuddle you in his car.

Later I cried because I just feel fucking prosecuted for caring more about my friends than these loser guys. i wish i had a friend who cared about my inner life the way I do with my friends. Im realizing ive totally outgrown them. Or i need something else. something has to give. I wanna run away somewhere else and meet people more like me. IDK its just so hard to listen to somebody rant about a man for 90 minutes and then sigh and say ‘but how are you?” im just a free therapist at this point.

my sister said i need to set boundaries about tlaking about men. but I tried to by saying my text and my friend flipped out at me. its really depressing. even more depressing how little these men do for the women i know. they add nothing. except maybe someone to validate them. it sucks.