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Need Advice or SupportHelp!! Moms of boys please advise—underwear issue
I just caught my 8-year-old son with my sports bra wadded up in his pocket after he had been in the bathroom a while. I noticed his other pocket was bulging so I asked him what it was. It was his underwear, which led me to ask him whether he’d had an accident and what he had on. He said other underwear, but I checked his waistband and he had on two pairs of my underwear he had fished out of the dirty laundry.
I tried to avoid shaming or making a huge deal because he was clearly embarrassed and panicking. I talked to him about this violating body boundaries and that if he wants to dress up that’s fine, anyone can wear whatever they want, but it needs to be his own stuff. I tried to ask him questions like what made him think to do that but he was extremely tight-lipped about it and barely said a word.
Two other times I’ve found my sports bras and underwear in random places (once in a storage box in my room, and once in the kids’ closet) knowing I hadn’t put them there because I had put them away or they had been in the hamper. It was extremely puzzling—until now.
How the hell do I handle this?? I don’t want him to turn into some fetishizing weirdo, but I also don’t want to make this bigger than it is??
Also, I created an alt account for this in case anyone knew me from my regular one.
Editing to update: I checked the browser history on the devices he has access to at my house, and parental controls somewhat did their job but there are still a lot of search terms that cause concern. I think that’s where this is stemming from. I informed his dad and dad is supposedly on board with following the same restrictions at his house that I am implementing at mine: Nintendo Switch (no web capability) and Disney+ are okay, but no more phone or computer access. I also talked to paternal grandma and she is on board with downgrading to phones with calling and texting only (dad said he’d look into it but never does so I’m going over his head).
I talked to my son about what pornography is, how it damages women and girls as well as his own thoughts and mental health, and that I’m putting the restrictions in place not as a punishment but because it’s my job to keep his mind and body safe and we don’t support things that hurt people, like porn. I told him this is something we will keep talking about and we’re not going to just pretend it never happened.
I appreciate all the helpful comments and I read them throughout the day. I was at work and mostly in meetings all day, so unable to respond but it was good to read the comments and let them percolate and decide how to proceed before picking my son up after work. I’d respond to all the comments but I’ll be honest, I was already emotionally reeling from the whole thing and some of the skepticism and harsh tone was heavy on my already guilty and worried heart. Again, thank you for the responses, resources, and support.
She can write an e-mail to the admins and ask for an invite. That's what I did :)
I think you have to be a member here for a certain amount of time and be active to get invite codes.
I joined without a code, I just asked nicely:-)
I was able to get a code through Twitter from the awesome Ovarit account. I thought you need a code to join? Awesome you got in anyway!
What is the Ovarit Twitter? I just tried to search for it and couldn't find it.
You need a higher "level" before accorded invite privs
From memory, this is level15
Ah, thank you so much!