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Need Advice or Support[Friendships] How long should I wait?
Let's do this like a reddit post although I'm not on reddit lol.
I, 30/F might have feelings for my online best friend 32/F. There is no problem with this per se (except for the huge physical distance between us and my inability to visit her at all), but lately I've been feeling like our friendship itself is lacking in uhh friendship?
How do I put this. I went through a delusional breakdown back in February this year and didn't contact her for like a month, deleted my Discord (where I talk to her) and didn't even say goodbye or give a reason for this. I came back at the end of March... and it's been fine until now? I don't know, but we talk less than usual. I wonder if it's because of the distance but we've been friends for like 3 years.
We never talked through voice though (but I've seen her pic, I know she's a woman). She just hates her voice for some reason. Should I initiate more? Like, should I sent audio messages? But I feel like she'd reply without using voice, only through text lol
Thing is, I haven't heard from her for the past almost 4 days. And this kinda happens often lately. Did I do something wrong? Is she just busy? I have BPD and worry about unnecessary stuff sometimes (well, all the time). I also promised myself I won't keep having feelings for her if she doesn't talk to me in 4 days. Like, there are less than 2 hours remaining and I have lost hope she'll talk to me.
Is this weird? Am I weird for hoping to talk to her more? Because like, we used to talk a lot in the past, but somehow not so much lately. I don't know what my question was for this post. I think there's no question, just me ranting about the only friendship I have with someone.
You see, I don't have friends irl (I live in a village and uhh long story), but I do have 2 online friends. Her and someone else (who recently got very busy so she's understandably not around). I am bored and want to talk to someone or I'm not bored but still want to talk to someone. Is it worth mentioning that the delusional breakdown was caused by paranoid schizophrenia? I don't even know if that's really the cause or if I am just obsessive over religious and spiritual bullshit. I hate religion and spirituality with a passion for making my life hell. =_=
So, it's not like I can turn off my feelings this easily but I feel like our friendship itself needs some work. How do I work on a friendship? Should I just read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People?
(The title of this post in its complete form is: How long should I wait before contacting her again? Am I annoying her? Am I wanting to talk to her more because of feelings?)
Sorry for you, if you read this far. I think this might be the most immature and poorly written post I ever wrote in my life. Thanks for reading though, I know it's a lot >_<