My grandmother passed late last year and because she was cremated there's been a gap in time before her funeral/celebration. The family is pretty spread out around the country so the date kept getting pushed back and changed for various reasons. I'll be flying across the country to attend in a few weeks.

I'm very sad that my grandmother has passed, especially as both grandparents on this side are gone now so it seems like the ties that held us all together/that life are gone. She was incredibly special and I want her to have a service worthy of all that she added to our lives.

I probably shouldn't have put myself in this position, but when the topic of tasks for her funeral came up, I volunteered to do a lot of things for her service--at least part of this was because I was expected to, having done it for other family members in previous years. She had six children but, for whatever reason, none are especially involved, except as gatekeepers/quasi-decision makers. She had written down things she wanted in her service, and I've been volunteering to do one or the other thing, lest they just not be done at all.

The other major aspect is that these grandparents were part of a religious sect that is a little off the beaten path. It is hard to explain but it isn't a normal Sunday service type of religion--it is much more intense (this is not my religion). These people have become very involved in the service since I discussed it with my aunts/uncles/parent. They deferred all the decision making to the sect.

So, I find myself in an awkward position where I'm unable to make any decisions about the work I'm supposed to do for the service--and I'm not even sure what I should continue to work on anymore.

The person who seems to be in charge with the religious sect is not someone I know, but that person is going through the program I carefully made and changing it for their own preferences. To be fair, the service is being held at their church. But they're cutting songs that I know grandma loved (and that my parent wants to sing) and I'm not even sure our family members will be allowed to speak during the service in the final cut of the program. There are a lot of things like this.

Meanwhile, when they answer my emails, they continue to assume I will be doing more or different things. But they often won't reply to my emails for days and time is ticking by. It often feels like I'm building a house and I'm told I need to wait for them to decide what color I'm painting it or if they even want it anymore, if that makes any sense. I can't get a straight answer about anything. I'm so worried that the day will come that I need to fly there and things won't be done.

I'm feeling very stressed and also feeling upset at being resentful because I'd like to just have an uncomplicated service to grieve my loss, to plan this with my family and have it be joyful. I feel like a terrible person for thinking negatively like this, instead of just humbly playing my part, which is how I've tried to conduct myself with everyone. Grandmother did love this religious group she was a part of, but they asked a lot of her in her life, too.

I don't even know who this service I'm working on is for anymore: our family or the religious group? Why am I so involved if it is for the religious group and not our family? I just want to cry from frustration.