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Need Advice or SupportAdvice concerning disparity in sex drive (committed relationship)
I don't know if this would be better placed in the health circle, I tried to use my best judgement but if it doesn't fit here I'll just go to the other one.
I've already researched this a bit but figured I might as well see what kind of insight, advice, etc... I might get here:
How do you deal with your partner having a significantly lower, or at least changeable/inconstant sex drive than you? And bonus: especially when this brushes against self-esteem issues and CPTSD triggers?
Additional/contextual info: my partner's sex drive is lower than mine as a baseline, and said baseline is something I can compromise on, but then it's also incredibly fluctuating in that there can be periods where it's basically non-existent, in ways that I just really struggle to understand/get to the bottom of, since it's not always immediately correlated to something obvious like depression (it has sometimes been the case, but not always), that I can tell at least. My partner has told me that sex is a complicated topic for them; there might be weird culturo-religious shame involved (though not from their immediate family), there are self-esteem issues I believe (anxiety around performance/being a good enough lover) and they are extremely uncomfortable talking about sex (whereas I talk too easily about it, if anything, as it's a special interest of mine). I also think their ADHD probably doesn't help in some way. My partner tells me it's not me, it's not anything I'm doing, it's them; they acknowledge they have a problem but solving it... is proving to be a Herculean task at the minute.
And I'm a victim of CSA/abuse, so obviously the last thing I want to do is push my partner, make my partner uncomfortable with this, etc... I want to respect my partner's boundaries but I do feel a lot of distress over this. I feel undesirable, old, gross, dirty, like it IS my fault. Part of me also grieves at the idea that I'll never have a real, healthy sex life (the closest I came to that were two blissful weeks with the ex I had before my current partner), and that most of the sex I've had was with the men who raped and abused me (I think the count is still in their favour, numerically speaking) – I feel contaminated. I'm also just so terribly confused because the sex we have had was good, intimate, my partner seemed to enjoy it as fas as I could tell... but I'm also frustrated because my partner is... somewhat inexperienced, and I need time for my body to be ready, and I'd like more foreplay and slowness, and I don't feel like I can voice any of that because I get scared of breaking the mood and the flow of things and not getting any sex at all (we're also LDR for now so opportunities to have sex are few to begin with).
Touch is a very strong aspect of the way I feel loved and cherished and, thankfully, my partner is extremely physically affectionate, just not sexually. There are kisses, cuddles, hand-holding, playful nibbles, etc... aplenty, and I'm incredibly grateful for that. My partner is probably the most physically affectionate I've had.
So I just wish I could forget about/let go of sex, I wish I could have a more normal to low sex drive. I've gotten to the point of wanting to suppress it with medication at times, but I don't know of anything that would do that without also fucking up my hormones more generally, and I have enough shit to deal with just from mental illness so that's a no-go. Even masturbation leaves me feeling like shit/depressed more often than not, because I'd rather make love with my partner. Thankfully that has gone down as I'm just too tired a lot of the time from burn out and depression still.
So yeah, was just wondering how others in similar situations dealt with this, or if they found a way to just, let that go completely and accept that sex is over for them? Especially from fellow CPTSD sufferers and/or fellow ND women.
PS: no, my partner does not consume any pornography, I don't think my partner even masturbates all that much either. I am also, yes, in therapy, but I have bigger fish to fry with it, like the big T traumas. They're also not non-binary or trans anything, I'm just using the neutral because I don't care to disclose their sex at this time.
I willingly took a ban after a post with thousands of upvotes said that women not accepting trans women are the reason and responsibility for trans women facing violence and acceptance. They really said that bioWOMEN are the main cause of violence more than any other group. Ummmm... no. Worth it. Reddit is becoming a cancer with a MtF echo chamber and their incel chasers.
I really think any subreddit that was originally for women should be abandoned because these are not our spaces anymore. Reddit is a cesspit that is accelerating the erasure of women online so it makes no sense for women to support it. Let it be taken over by mainly woke men so it can circle the drain without splashing us with misogyny on the way down.
All the actual women are leaving.
Just like with actuallesbians this sub will soon only be men posting to other men.
But then, twoXchromosomes has been a shitpool prioritizing men ever since it became a default.
twoXchromosomes has been a shitpool prioritizing men ever since it became a default.
Indeed. It was nearly instantaneous. I dropped the sub within a month of it becoming a default.
Meanwhile, jerking each other off about how understanding of women they are and how feminist they are, etc. etc.
It was two whole pages worth of AGP, at this point I’m embarrassed for anyone who stayed.
The sad truth is that women do not know about AGP. They think that they are being welcoming, tolerant and accepting of these misunderstood pathetic men into women’s spaces and the men become the colonizers.
Just like they always do. Everywhere.
I think it's important to note that we won't really see a HUGE drop in the user count on Two X. However their drop in participation among women will be noticeable. For instance Actual Lesbians has over 300,000 subscribers but that sub is essentially a trans sub now. The lack of actual lesbians (HAH!) participating there is very noticeable.
Unsurprising. Lesbians want their own space for a reason and that reason does not involve being bombarded with dick and man boobs.
dude it is HILARIOUS scrolling through the comments on the "actuallesbian" subs on reddit now! all the signatures are "trabsbian" and "trans lesbian" and "mtf bi lesbian". if there were any real lesbians left it would be really sad but as I'm sure the only ones left are just men LARPing as women, one way or another, it's hysterical.
it's gunna be so funny watching them sob like children over their lack of access to "cis" lesbians.
Really hope they keep this up for a few days so we drive it up to one million.
I doubt they even have one million active users. Subreddits with ten million fewer subscribers see more traffic than 2X. And this is despite the massive jump in activity over the last few days - from 94 posts on March 3rd to 116 posts today.
If someone is banned, does that count as unsubscribing? Or do they stay in the member count?
That's quite impressive. Even if all those women haven't completely reached peak trans, they sure are one step closer. Thanks, TRAs!
They lost me a long time ago. It's called TWO X CHROMOSOMES for fuck's sake! The minute they said trans"women" were allowed, I was done. Why call it twoxchromosomes if it's not exclusive to people with TWO X CHROMOSOMES??
At the risk of sounding like a dummy.. what happened?!
TiMs decided that the sub is the best place to share their selfies and transition timelines. Here's the front page of the sub two days ago. And yesterday (all but one post is about transwxmxn). It's still ongoing.
Holy shit!! That is fucking insane. Would it be wrong for me to say I'm actually somewhat glad this is happening? Accelerationism and all. Women are getting more and more disillusioned with this nonesense.
Is this a chart from somewhere else or one you created? The “1” is cut off in front of the “12” so it doesn’t make sense unless you know the sub has over 12 million subscribers.
I think it's from subredditstats - when you zoom in on the "Subscribers" curve, the leading "1" does get cut off sometimes.
Ahaaahahhahaaahhhaaa serves them right for pandering to men. But then again the top two mods u/highfructosecornfeces and u/hiddentofu are men who post in r/menslib and r/mensrights. And never forget trans power mod awkwardtheturtle aka drewiepoodle aka the 40-something year old Tim who invites 14-year old over for “titty skittles” also mods there.
Welp allegedly cornfeces claims to be a woman lmfao https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/twoxchromosomes-reddit-women-subreddit-anniversary/
Peep their profile and r/menslib is on there so fuck whoever they claim to be
Why are there men modding twox? TIMs okay I kinda get since they’re desperate to get recognised as women but just flat out men who identify as men?
That’s Reddit for you :/
Jesus. What? This is like, smoking gun proof that this whole massive uptick in very problematic behavior by TIMs and their increased presence all over female spaces is, as I've suspected, a sort of Trojan horse, insidious, covert hostile takeover.
This is so much more than a handful of emboldened narcissists peacocking all over the place.
These people are organized.
Interestingly enough, woke neolib apologists for this behavior, remind me in many ways of QAnon supporters.
You know...a cult that without question supports the decisions of a very obviously flawed, narcissistic leader and his endless, rotating entourage of sycophants that are equally narcissistic and flawed.
That engage in groupthink and mental gymnastics/leaps of logic that would make Orwell turn in his grave.
That are convinced they are saving the world.
That don't realize that their precious little movement has been hijacked from the onset, and they have been bamboozled and manipulated into being the very embodiment of that which they think they're fighting against.
That will shun heretics and nonbelievers due to a victimhood complex.
And who often react with zealous hostility to those who dare suggest that they may want to re-evaluate their current state.
Whaddya know.
You’re joking...
Wait til you read about dear Aimee and Swales.
Oh my god! I didn't know the background story. This is disturbing.
Nope
UGH. For fuck's sake.
Receipts early, receipts often! At this point it's all reading like a Kurt Vonnegut novel on acid. 😹
You rang?
😂👏
hahahahaha I needed this in my day, thank you, wow.