Breastfeeding is often a controversial subject and people often have strong opinions regarding breastfeeding, but the truth is that it is personal and each woman's experience is subjective. Each woman's reasons to breastfeed or not breastfeed are also personal and should not have to be explained or defended. If you firmly do not want to breastfeed, that is perfectly fine. However, in that case, this post is not for you.

For anyone who is considering breastfeeding, I wanted to tell you a bit about my experience with breastfeeding (so far) and open a discussion about breastfeeding in general, in the hopes that other women may be more comfortable with their decision to breastfeed.

I live in the US. I'm not sure if the attitude is different in other countries, but here it is a bit taboo and people don't want to see you do it or listen to you talk about doing it. So when I had my daughter, I didn't have any wisdom handed down to me. I had absolutely no guidance (initially) and felt lost and alone.

I don't want to give too much personal information, but my little girl was on the line of being underweight when she was born. She was a hungry little thing, but that caused her to be fussy and desperate for food. It meant when I tried to feed her she would push me away (without realizing what she was doing), and then of course she would cry and push more and kick her legs. I couldn't get her to eat.

The lactation specialists and nurses attempted to help me understand how to encourage her, how to hold her (so difficult!), and how to know that she's latched on correctly. It really didn't help much, despite their efforts. I was stressed out, hadn't had sleep in 2 days, and felt like a complete failure. I am very grateful to the nurses (specifically, as I found that they were actually more patient, non-judgmental, and spoke in plainer language--all of which was more helpful than the lactation specialists, unfortunately). Due to their encouragement and each of their different perspectives, I was finally able to begin breastfeeding. Still, after leaving the hospital, I had much to learn and struggled for a while.

Again, everyone's decision is their own. Breastfeeding can be difficult, uncomfortable, stressful, and time-consuming. But if you have made the decision to try, please don't give up too quickly. You are learning how to do it along with your baby. It takes a lot of practice and patience. There is a lot I wish I had been told beforehand. Maybe that would have given me an easier start. Maybe it will help you.

Here are some things I learned:

1. Invest in a c-shaped pillow for baby and, if needed, a reading pillow to prop you up comfortably. One of the hardest things for me was holding/positioning my baby correctly. I was hunching over and hurting my back, tiring out my arms, etc. The c-shaped pillow allowed me to lay my baby correctly and easily for the cross-cradle position, and also helped with the football position. I don't always use it these days (if I'm doing other positions), but it was extremely helpful when first starting out.

2. Don't stick to one position. Try all of them. Sometimes one will work, and the next time maybe baby won't like it and you'll need to use another. This is a good example of various positions. Just keep practicing and they will become easier, I promise. But if none of the positions seems to be working, I'd like to highlight one of the things this page says: "As long as you are comfortable and baby is nursing successfully, use what works for you."

3. When first starting out, your baby's mouth is very small (obviously) so it helps if you hold your breast a little flatter. Imagine how you eat a hamburger/sandwich; now make your breast the sandwich for the baby. Squish your breast (gently, it doesn't take much pressure) so that it is narrower in the horizontal direction (as in, between the baby's lips). Unfortunately, you will have to hold your breast most of the time she's eating, so you may get a cramp in your hand or a stiff wrist. The best I can say is to switch up positions and be sure to stretch your hand/wrist often.

4. Your baby should have more than just the nipple in her mouth (that is, her mouth should be wide and should contain a good bit of areola as well). If you let baby suck on only the nipple, she is not latched correctly. This will cause you pain later on and will make her have to work harder to get her food. A correct latch is probably the most difficult thing to get right (at least, it was for me). This is a good explanation of what a good latch looks like and how to achieve it.

5. If it hurts, the baby is not latched correctly. I read online (and my husband tried to tell me) that it will hurt when the baby first latches on. WRONG! Do not ignore the pain. If you do so, this will lead to your nipples becoming dry and cracked. Which is awful. I repeat, the act of breastfeeding should not hurt. It should feel like a tickle at most. Here is a list of reasons you may feel nipple pain while breastfeeding (note that the most common is a bad latch).

6. If baby is latched incorrectly, just gently break the suction by pressing your thumb to the corner of her mouth and pull outwards. (Don't stick your finger in her mouth, lol. Just pretend you're going to pinch her little cheeks or something.) Then attempt to get her to latch again correctly. Do this every time until baby is latched correctly. This helps her learn as well.

7. Part of ensuring baby is latched correctly is getting her to open her mouth wide enough. If baby isn't doing this, encourage her to open her mouth more by grazing your nipple along her lower lip. Sometimes you might want to tap it in the downwards direction to help her get the idea that she needs to open her jaw more.

8. The baby may fall asleep while eating, especially in the first week or two because she is very tired and eating is comforting. It is okay to let her do this (as long as you can stay awake, lol). Just make sure the latch is still good while she's sleeping. Sometimes, because she's falling asleep, her mouth will get lax and your nipple will slip out a little but she'll keep trying to eat. If this happens, gently break the latch. If baby wakes up, you can re-latch and let her keep eating. If she doesn't wake up, then she was truly finished eating and was only suckling for comfort at that point.

9. If you've made the mistake of allowing baby to eat with a bad latch and now your nipples are sore, dry, or cracked, I highly recommend lanolin. You don't have to wipe it off before a feeding (baby can consume it) so it's not a bother. Just rub a little on your nipple after a feeding, and as often as needed between feedings. It will help moisturize a cracked nipple and will help it heal.

10. Drink a lot of water! One of the main things I've noticed that will increase or decrease my milk supply is the amount of water I'm drinking. You need 128 oz of water a day while breastfeeding. Make sure you get that.

11. When you've first brought baby home, get lots of skin-to-skin contact with her. This helps her bond with you and you with her AND it helps her with recognizing your smell and will help her with breastfeeding. Lay baby on your bare chest (chest to chest). You can do this while she's awake or let her sleep this way.

12. You may experience leaking. Sometimes you may have an abundance of milk and may wake up with a very wet shirt. It may also happen during the day, especially around feeding time. I tend to keep a towel with me at night and will just let that absorb it. I don't really do anything about it during the day, but I've had the luxury of being home due to the pandemic, so I don't have to feel judged for my bodily functions. I have heard that wearing pads may cause irritated nipples, so I have never used them, personally. I'd love it if anyone could offer more tips on dealing with leaking.

13. The hindmilk foremilk stuff is bullshit. The misinformation around this caused me so much stress and seriously messed up my milk supply. Please read that article. After I did so, I feel like most of my issues breastfeeding went away. Here's what you need to know: Alternate breasts on each feed. Feed baby from your left breast during one feeding, then on the next feeding use your right breast. Depending on how full your breasts are, and if baby says she's done eating on one breast, you may switch breasts during a single feeding to see if she'll eat some more. However, do not just switch breasts after 10-15 minutes or something. Babies are not done eating on one breast after a specific amount of time. It doesn't work like that. Also, don't worry about "getting to the magical hindmilk". It is the volume of food that matters. If your baby is getting full and gaining weight, then she is getting what she needs.

Wow, this is really long. I'm sorry about that. Apparently I had more to say than I realized.

If you breastfeed or have breastfed and have any tips to add, please do so!

Also, if you are thinking of breastfeeding and you have any questions for those of us who are breastfeeding or have breastfed, please ask!