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Relationships With Men - Strategy and Advice circle
Posted May 4, 2022 by Unruly_Rose in Circles

I know this has been suggested in the past, but I thought it might be a good time to bring it up again since financing is an option now. I would be willing to help mod this circle for free though, lol.

Description:

A sub here where we talk about our relationships with men, be they romantic, friendship, family, coworker, etc. I think it could really help with outreach and welcoming in newcomers. There are plenty of women who want to get more into feminism and need advice for how to deal with men they care about from other women who have been through it. We could get A LOT more traffic if we had posts like "My boyfriend's porn habits are making me uncomfortable" or "My husband has decided to identify as a woman, what now?" or "My brother is sexist, how do I deal with him?" or "How do I handle my creepy uncle at family gatherings?". Reasonable responses from feminist women are the minority to questions like this on other sites. There is frankly a lot of religious spam to every single relationship question I've ever typed into a search bar. Women here really could offer a treasure trove of advice for women questioning their relationships with the men in their lives, and those reasonable responses would bring in more women who will be exposed to the rest of the content on the site. Yes, this could bring in some random women who aren't exactly feminist, but I doubt they'd make an account on here if they browse the rest of the site and don't like what they see.

If this becomes a thing that's possible please let me know so I can help!

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RaghailleMay 4, 2022(Edited May 4, 2022)

I literally asked another user for advice yesterday on this exact thing. She stated she'd been more upfront in asserting her needs in her relationship with her husband since becoming a radical feminist. I asked her how as I'm in the same situation with my husband. It's slow going. It would be super useful!!

Edit - this request was submitted by the user I asked advice from.... 😂👍☺️

Unruly_Rose [OP]May 5, 2022

Haha, yeah I wanted to crowd source advice. I have gotten some really thoughtful responses on here and I thought making a space where we're explicitely alowed to talk about those problems would make more women comfortable talking about it. I've been trying to think of a specific resouce for you, but I really just wing it.

RaghailleMay 5, 2022(Edited May 5, 2022)

At over points I spent a long time on the relationships board on Mumsnet because some of the advice that those women were giving was amazing.

RaghailleMay 5, 2022

Learning about the Shark Metaphor has been useful too

https://www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

[Deleted]May 6, 2022

We’re going to use a man in this example, but it could be a woman or non-binary person as well.

insert massive eyeroll

RaghailleMay 6, 2022

It's been a while since I read the article but, yes!, I remember doing the same thing!!! Not in the spirit in which the metaphor was first developed..... I wonder if the original author who created it supports it, doubt it as she worked with vulnerable girls. Women aren't assholes in the same way as men. Period.

RaghailleMay 5, 2022

I've been really slowly making my way through right-wing women by Andrea dworkin. Every sentence is mind-blowing which is why it's taking me so long.

RaghailleMay 5, 2022(Edited May 12, 2022)

That's really sweet of you. I have snippets that I find online where someone's words crystallise boundaries. For example Exulansic had one recently in her substack and she said we train people to expect a 'no' from you. Books I've loved have been Lundy Bancroft why does he do that?, Don Hennessy's how he gets into your head, Henry Cloud boundaries. Edited authors name