Honestly, the world isn't for lesbians and there is nothing parents can do to change that. She will get metaphorically hit multiple times and develop her own way of dealing with it, and no amount of resources can genuinely prepare her for that. When I talked to an older lesbian about my fear of being out she told me: "it's normal to think about it and even obsess about it, it gives you the illusion of control, but the truth is that if you ever are in a dangerous situation it will be your body reacting, not your head."

The best thing a parent can do is give their child good foundations to be able to stand up for themselves and protect themselves. Believe her feelings (unlike how most people will think lesbian = open to men anyway), reinforce reality, allow her boundaries, make sure she knows she can count on you, say "this is unacceptable" when something unacceptable happens, etc. It's easy to feel crazy as a lesbian in a world like ours, so be the bubble of sanity/comfort/security.

Just be a good parent, try to build up her self-esteem, her self-worth, etc, and she will be armed well.

I think that the mum needs to talk to her daughter in plain terms about what is happening and that she is accepted and NOT a boy, and that this is a form of bullying

12 is so young, damn.. I think Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden is probably age appropriate if Mom is already talking to her about consent and stuff? It has no described sex scenes or anything, and came out in the 1980s so no gender or pronouns or what have you.

Absolutely feel free to DM me for more book ideas, let me know what kind she likes to read.

Having gender dysphoria myself from young childhood despite never hearing of such a thing as transgender growing up, I can say what helped younger me the most in being ok as an out lesbian rather than pursuing the gender route was seeing older lesbians in person, especially couples just going around living their old people lives, no pronouns or surgery required but no frilly dress required either. So for that reason, I really hope you could maybe get her to a women's festival that allows girls so she could see lots of capable and gender nonconforming old lesbians just doing their thing. The girls who attend our local festival also seem to be friends and see each other at more times of the year so you might also meet other moms in similar situations!

I'll mostly second what others have said. Twelve is a tough age for recommendations because if it is LGB friendly it usually has a higher age rating.

For TV shows:

• The Legend of Korra
• Avatar the Last Airbender (the original cartoon)
• Kim's Convenience (gay friendly) maybe when she is a little older- family comedy
• Arcane (when she is a little older- it's rated TV-14)

Movies:

• Howl's Moving Castle (strong female lead)
• Princess Mononoke (strong female lead)
• A League of Their Own (the original)

Video games: Stardew Valley, a lot of RPGs can be gay friendly just be mindful of the content

Books: I can't think of much for a 12 year old. There is Princeless- Raven: The Pirate Princess, just double check that there isn't anything crazy in there. Maybe when she is a little older- The Dark Wife or maybe a biography like Sally Ride: America's First Woman in Space

I would definitely get her into sports if she is interested. I think being physically active and fit helped me deal with some bullying issues- not because I was violent but because I wasn't an easy target.

Hiking/camping: It's a stereotype for a reason but most lesbians love the outdoors. Learning to build a fire and cook for yourself in the middle of nowhere is an awesome experience. My school had Venture Crew in High School, which was like co-ed Boy Scouts. In Middle School we had an Adventure Club that did camping, canoeing, and caving. If her school has something like that, I would recommend it.

(You can DM me)

A book I enjoyed reading as a teen before realizing I was a lesbian was Jamaica Kincaid’s “Annie John”. I also love His Dark Materials, an incredible series (books and with HBO/BBC) where the protagonist Lyra is a 12 year old girl with very powerful intuition. The character arc of her mother is also very interesting as part villain but also a lonely powerful woman in a very sexist world.

A series I would love as well if I were a young girl today would be witch stories like Agatha All Along on Disney+

At 12 I also liked samurai stories like the series Young Samurai, and A Series of Unfortunate Events as the leads are all “nonconforming” kids. I didn’t need to like lesbian stuff I just needed content where gender is unimportant. Like the current animation series Arcane.

I bet she would love playing the game, “Life is Strange” for PC

Introduce her to lesbian artists. Tegan & Sara, St Vincent, Julien Baker, Chappell Roan. Fandoms can be really powerful at this age, and also key to teaching androgyny as completely independent from “gender” and “ideology”, just having fun.

Mom’s greatest concern will be to guide her daughter into being a confident, self-assured woman who understands the female gaze. There’s a lot of media in general for teenage girls that perfectly fulfills this.

For gay women there are 3 power archetypes: Femme, Witch, and Butch. Femme would be Bette from the L Word, Carol, or Regina George, basically the cosmopolitan girl boss with a high sense of aesthetics that floors all other girls. Witch relies on secret dark powers like Vania (Ellen Page) in the Umbrella Academy, Elphaba in Wicked, and also nature fairies. These are the mysterious girl prodigies and the spiritual leaders. Butch is the masculine lesbian archetype which is the biggest lesbian stereotype of a more masculine commanding presence.

Basically mom should find any media that relates to these archetypes and help her daughter explore what most comes naturally to her. Maybe the archetype is already very evident in her. Then direct media to that so the daughter can play on strengths. Finding lesbian romance is way less important than awakening this.

Following this same reasoning, I would be more concerned with mama bear making sure her daughter develops the skills to join female spaces with higher LGBT participation down the line like encouraging her on team sports and the arts. Female singer songwriters are almost always gay for some random reason. Playing the guitar or bass will open her doors for ANY band. Learning how to workout and principally upper body strength, she will thank mom 10 years later. Get into classical music and play the cello. Visual arts will get the bisexual girls very easily. Present her to fashion like Doc Martens, double venus necklaces, silver rings, experiment with hairstyles. Subtle and comfortable things which are signifiers nonetheless. If she’s rich (lmao) learning horseriding. If urban, skateboarding. If zen, do hiking and adventure or animal hobbies.

While lesbians don’t require superficial sex-appeal body markers like ass and boobs like the male gaze does, lesbians can be very judgmental regarding fitness. So think calisthenics >> bodybuilder. Either she is strong to move furniture or she is flexible and relaxed like a yogi. That is why either dance or martial arts or both is the strongest thing she can do from a young age to become attractive to the female gaze (even though these spaces may be very hetero themselves). I know it sounds superficial or early to say this, but it really isn’t. The straight world “default” has most of its social life designed to steer its young people to stereotypical sexual attractiveness, pretty much an arms race, from the very beginning of childhood. So it’ll be no different for her - just a different category.

Make sure she has good grades to have ample choice for urban universities. Even though, to be fair, a women’s college is the best place for a lesbian in social terms.

Avoid TIM spaces like heavy metal, cosplay, and excessively nerdy tech stuff. Gaming can also be a great social hobby for a gay girl (think esports particularly) but be careful as it can also be TIM empire.

Socializing and dating in lesbian circles can be hard down the line as the community can be so small, and the early bird gets the worm. There will be less options for her. Being a confident lesbian at a younger age will not only mean she is self-reliant but will also ultimately attract more girls to her. That kind of thing.

Good on whoever this OP is, I won't re-hash what's been suggested, as Destresse has really solid points.

But media-wise: Owl House, She-ra, Legend of Korra?

Whoever this mystery mom is, is more than okay to DM me if she has any other questions/curiosities'

I've been out my entire life, have had multiple long-term relationships. Have navigated both professionally and as a participant in LGBT+ spaces, both before and after the gender contingency.

If you're interested, and coming at me in good faith, the skies the limit.

There was something posted forever ago a while back that would’ve been helpful but it seems the website has disappeared…

I recommend the book "The Faceless Old Woman who Secretly Lives in your Home"