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Sex with women is blessedly devoid of so many of the concerns that male-partnering women have to contend with: pregnancy, coercion, surprise kink, disrespect, painful sex...while some of these could happen with other women, they seem to be a frequent source of anxiety for heterosexually active women, and it's no surprise to me that many of them have either developed or adhere to some set of rules to minimize the above types of encounters.

I'm really curious about whether you all have rules or best practices for sex with women, not adopted out of fear but rather out of a desire to create mutually and emotionally satisfying sex. I was listening to a DarkHorse podcast episode in which Bret said that one piece of dating advice he'd given his children was to not sleep with anyone who wasn't marriage material - not that wanting to marry them is a precondition, but that if you've already identified a marriage dealbreaker, you shouldn't go and have sex with them anyway. I think this is good, succinct advice. Personally, I don't think I ever again want to sleep with someone I'm not in love with.

What about you?

Sex with women is blessedly devoid of so many of the concerns that male-partnering women have to contend with: pregnancy, coercion, surprise kink, disrespect, painful sex...while some of these could happen with other women, they seem to be a frequent source of anxiety for heterosexually active women, and it's no surprise to me that many of them have either developed or adhere to some set of rules to minimize the above types of encounters. I'm really curious about whether you all have rules or best practices for sex with women, not adopted out of fear but rather out of a desire to create mutually and emotionally satisfying sex. I was listening to a DarkHorse podcast episode in which Bret said that one piece of dating advice he'd given his children was to not sleep with anyone who wasn't marriage material - not that wanting to marry them is a precondition, but that if you've already identified a marriage dealbreaker, you shouldn't go and have sex with them anyway. I think this is good, succinct advice. Personally, I don't think I ever again want to sleep with someone I'm not in love with. What about you?

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No rules for being with women. Women are fully human and our sexuality is not socialized to be only about domination and violation. Lesbians process things. Like everything lol. We talk and actually have relationships as equals.

No porn use. Or pornification in other ways.

This hasn’t come up romantically before, but I’ve had acquaintances say they’d sleep with a woman but never marry one. None of that.

I hadn't considered these but I'm with you on both of them, especially the latter. Speaking of the latter, what is up with these women anyway? Are they straight women who would indulge their partner in a threesome, or are they bisexual women who fear the social consequences of a gay relationship? Or something else?

Safewords are a thing I like the idea of, even in normal sexual encounters. No means no, but we have been so conditioned to not say "no" at times, I've found a great comfort in having an alternate word that just immediately stops, has is step back, and figure out where to go from there.

I just have to like her and trust her. That’s pretty much it. But I am a novice, lol.

I think this is terrible advice. Sex between women isn’t always about life partnership.

But I do have a rule: no Christians.