9
questionHas Anyone Known Your Sexuality Before You Did?
Alternatively: Has anyone known your sexuality without you telling them?
Yeah, bullies knew I was a raging homosexual before I did. :<
Having crushes on girls and not realizing I was having them was so terribly awkward in a school where lesbian was a pejorative.
I was trying hard to find boys attractive, at least to find just ONE boy I could call a "crush", just to reassure myself I was normal. T_T
Would you be willing to share more about what the crushes on girls felt like without realizing them? Did you find yourself just looking at/thinking about her a lot? Wishing you guys could be “friends”? Thinking if you were a guy you would have asked her out and/or not understanding why more guys weren’t trying to get with her?
It happened twice with two of my friends. I just found myself gravitating towards them very strongly, with an instant urge to get closer to them after meeting. I was always eager for any chance to see them and looking forward to meeting up. I felt a certain 'glow' with them, just was always happy to be in their presence. I probably thought the friendship was closer than it actually was as a result of having new and confusing emotions. I didn't really think about them much in a physical way, but I must have been subconsciously looking at them/studying their faces more than normal because I developed a strong visual in my mind of them both. It did not occur to me to even imagine dating or imagine myself as a guy, I really would have felt ashamed to think about a girl in that way because of the homophobia. I did think they were both adorable, but my focus was on wanting to get closer and spend time with them. Sometimes I would wonder why I was thinking about them so much. The intensity of my interest in them was the only difference between them and my other friends.
Interestingly, one of my crushes had a twin sister. I could always tell them apart and felt much differently about them both, including thinking my crush was prettier. She had a more easy-going personality than her sister, was easier to talk to and usually went with a more relaxed style (e.g. kept her hair down, did not wear any makeup so had a more natural appearance), which I appreciated. Of all the people I met in middle school, those two sisters are the only I could name and I remember their full names.
The topic of my sexuality hasn't come up lately, so I can only assume. As it took some time for me to acknowledge my sexuality, I think there's a good possibility of others knowing before I did.
Compared to other relatives, my love life is never asked about or brought up. This doesn't necessarily mean anything. They could just be giving me some privacy, and I've been consistently single. However, it's also possible that they have suspicions that they don't want confirmed.
My lack of interest towards males has been pointed out before, and I was invited to a party where I could "talk to nice guys... or girls."
So yeah, it's possible that other people have some idea of my sexuality without me saying so.
My unconscious mind knew before I did.
This is true for me. Many of my quirks only makes sense if I knew to some extent.
My grandma knew. She knows everything. And so it’s implied she knew bc she since when I was age seven would always preach to me gays were going to hell. I believed it. Now I’m 20 and I’m deconstructing.
That's so difficult. I'm glad you are finding your own way, and I hope you can find peace and hope apart from scary religious fearmongering. No god would create people who were doomed to fight against their own happiness and love.
No, even as a little kid I knew I liked girls and disliked boys. It took me longer to figure out there was a word to describe that.
I've known since I hit puberty, and there were signs of it before that. So I knew before anyone else. Most people I meet don't know before I tell them (when I was younger, I got told a lot that I didn't "look like a lesbian")
People are just guessing based on some kind of image in their head when they "know"
No, I don't think. Though when I told my dad he said he kinda suspected and would "correct" people when they asked him about how I was doing in life, and in love. So basically people asked if I had a boyfriend and my dad would say "or girlfriend".
I don't think he knew I was a lesbian, but he probably thought I was at least bi.
It’s a little nuanced for me - I had a crush on a girl around age 8, didn’t realize it as I was raised Catholic and didn’t even know that was possible. (I had crushes on boys in between, intermittently, I’m bi) Later, as a teenager I had a crush on a friend online, and started online-dating her (she’s a real person, we’ve met IRL more than once lol). I definitely realized that was a crush, and once we started dating, I told my mum.. who wasn’t exactly surprised 😂 She was like “yeah.. from how you talked about her…. I guessed as much” which was honestly more than I was expecting from my strict Catholic mum. She didn’t want us to share a bed or anything if we met in person, but I didn’t end up meeting this friend until after we’d broken up, and after my mother died, so it was a moot point in the end, but she knew before I told her at least - not before I knew about it myself, but she guessed before I told her
Edit to say I hope this is coherent and relevant to your post, it seemed so while I was writing it 😭
No, I had my first hints (a crush lol) in kindergarten, and many more after that in my childhood, so as soon as I got to the age where I could consciously understand that...I just did.
As for others, despite me being what would be called a tomboy, with stereotypically masculine interests and not doing anything stereotypically feminine in terms of looks (no makeup, no shaving, etc), nobody has apparently known before I told them.
What about you?
Nope, all my family teased about me marrying my close male friends, while I was well attuned to my interest in other girls my age. They also thought lesbians were all flannel wearing mechanics, and I enjoyed experimenting with clothing and stagecraft. Later in life, I do find that social acquaintances pick up on my orientation before I disclose it.