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AdviceMaking friends
I feel like I am amid culture-wide shifts in how adults make friends and it feels like friending is becoming a lot like online dating. Lots of ghosting, low effort, does not reciprocate. I have a lot to say on this subject but there is something that recently happened that I would like your take on.
I knew someone through a common interest just online but we met with others for an event last May. She reached out to me saying she wanted to hang out/thought I would be a cool person to be friends with. We emailed back and forth and called a couple of times. Her emails were long, filled to the brim with health information about her and her physical challenges which limited what she could do socially. I was cool with that.
But then about 8 weeks after our exchanges she just disappeared. I emailed, and called twice. No response. We have some mutuals I would have heard if something had happened to her. And, it feels like all my new friends were only happening with me doing 90% of the work so I am in this "match energy" phase in my life now. So, I let it go.
She emailed me out of the blue about 6 months after last hearing from her and also msg.d me on one of my socials. Both quick, oh hey how are you? and also, I got this thing going on. But nothing about why she want MIA, or even a, "Hey sorry I dropped the ball." It was like nothing happened.
I haven't responded. I have abandonment issues. I have had a history of befriending needy women whose friendship is contingent on what I can do for them and honestly, I am done with playing that role. I have a history of being dropped when someone or something better comes along.
So, I am looking at all of this wondering how to respond. I don't want to waste time with someone who just drops people like that, and also comes back into their lives as if nothing happened. I felt totally ghosted by her. I don't want to fritter away my energy to someone who will then just go MIA again. I have enough acquaintances who only reach out when they want something.
But, my internal dialogue is telling me I am a bad person for not giving her a chance. Should I send an email asking about her disappearance? Do I say some version of this to her? Do I continue to ignore?
What would you do and why?
The fact that she replied at all makes me scream. Surely she must know that if she would have just Blocked and ignored it would've been easier? but bless her, in her determined quest to fight the transphobes she not only gave this picture a ton of visibility but probably ensured that lavery himself will see it. they do our work for us honestly
edit: omfg. please take frenchie's advice and look at the memes in this thread. my stomach is creasing
EVERY meme posted on that thread was a GC trolling her. She even got the AquaMa’am one. 😂
GC twitter is so damn funny. shit gets really bleak sometimes but the humour is A+
I'm surprised the brave and stunning twitter police haven't taken it down yet.
I don't know if this is true, but I read somewhere that Penny dated Lavery in the past -- possibly pre Lavery's transition. If that's true, that meme was very decidedly random...
IIRC she tweeted something describing how Lavery 'shagged', presumably from personal experience.
This one needs a "swallow your drink first" warning, I'm almost wearing my beer 😂
Is that the same guy? 🤮
Yes. With and without photoshop.
oh my god that makes it so much better!
Yes, that’s our friend “Grace”, the one who was to be in a debate, had a meltdown, threatened the queen, and was thereby banned from Twitter. Alllll to get out of a damn debate. Oh my.
Lavery has chickened out of MULTIPLE debates. Though I'm still reeling that he cancelled the last one by threatening the queen on Twitter so the UK wouldn't let him in the country.
Oh yea that guy. Never saw his picture. I wish that debate would've happened.
And that’s ‘her’ work photo. At a serious research university.
How long would a woman’s career last if she had a coquettish boudoir photo as her headshot on *$& Berkeley’s website?
I wonder how long it will be before someone who’s never seen Gross in person will be introduced, then look in confusion at the photoshopped pic, look at the blob in front of them, look back at the photo and say “You’re not the person I had an appointment with ...”
One of the most unethical woman in the UK, is asking for Moral support!
Trans Liberation Movement is saturated with Narcissists.
She’s an attention seeker. Quite regularly she posts tweets along the lines of ‘I’m sad, cheer me up’ or ‘people are being mean to me, support me’. She is really extraordinarily self centred, seemingly thinking other people exist simply to provide her with an emotional crutch when required.
[Comment deleted]
She’s always been one to dish it out but not take it. Look up her encounter with David Starkey on Question Time - freely available online - it’s is quite a good example of her modus operandi. He out argues her so she stoops to unsubstantiated personal attacks and making a fool of herself. She later followed up the encounter online by demanding sympathy from her followers because the horrid older man was being mean to a poor, young girl.
I will check it out.
I will never forget Julie Bindel and JKR making fun of her. And Julie came up with a list of made up trauma.
JKR: Thoughts and prayers Julie.
I died.
Uh wtf?
She’s wearing it on her face
This is LITERALLY an old-school MRA talking point.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/11/business/media/substack-newsletter-competition.html
Taken from this photo the New York Times posted last year.
I almost feel bad because they just look SO terrible but... literally HOW did they think it was a good idea to pose like that? Without better clothing and grooming? Why are they dressed like a murderous cult leader is on the 3rd floor?
I did a search and didn’t see it. Apologies if this is a repeat.
I haven’t seen that one yet either.
Gross Lavery just gets worse and worse. I had no idea that’s what he really looks like. Shows how thoroughly he’s gaslit Mallory Ortberg.
LOL I'm using "Gross Lavery" from now on! 🤣
I'm not familiar with the person on the left but the guy on the right is quite a hottie
I'm not seeing this on Twitter. I'm guessing JennyRad was forced to delete it?
I'm not so into "Ha ha this person is ugly" jokes.
Maybe if I were better looking, or at least considered myself better looking, I'd find it funny.
But I don't.
It's a lot deeper than "lol so ugly". The fetish is on full fucking display when they photoshop pictures of themselves to the point of being utterly unrecognizable. This is a public figure with a profile picture that looks nothing like them. If anyone did that it would be comical, but the difference between the created sexy feminine ideal and the dumpy male reality is jarring and that's what's so funny about it.
Hey Laurie. If you don't like the meme, don't stare at it. It's rude
LOLOL