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AdviceMaking friends
I feel like I am amid culture-wide shifts in how adults make friends and it feels like friending is becoming a lot like online dating. Lots of ghosting, low effort, does not reciprocate. I have a lot to say on this subject but there is something that recently happened that I would like your take on.
I knew someone through a common interest just online but we met with others for an event last May. She reached out to me saying she wanted to hang out/thought I would be a cool person to be friends with. We emailed back and forth and called a couple of times. Her emails were long, filled to the brim with health information about her and her physical challenges which limited what she could do socially. I was cool with that.
But then about 8 weeks after our exchanges she just disappeared. I emailed, and called twice. No response. We have some mutuals I would have heard if something had happened to her. And, it feels like all my new friends were only happening with me doing 90% of the work so I am in this "match energy" phase in my life now. So, I let it go.
She emailed me out of the blue about 6 months after last hearing from her and also msg.d me on one of my socials. Both quick, oh hey how are you? and also, I got this thing going on. But nothing about why she want MIA, or even a, "Hey sorry I dropped the ball." It was like nothing happened.
I haven't responded. I have abandonment issues. I have had a history of befriending needy women whose friendship is contingent on what I can do for them and honestly, I am done with playing that role. I have a history of being dropped when someone or something better comes along.
So, I am looking at all of this wondering how to respond. I don't want to waste time with someone who just drops people like that, and also comes back into their lives as if nothing happened. I felt totally ghosted by her. I don't want to fritter away my energy to someone who will then just go MIA again. I have enough acquaintances who only reach out when they want something.
But, my internal dialogue is telling me I am a bad person for not giving her a chance. Should I send an email asking about her disappearance? Do I say some version of this to her? Do I continue to ignore?
What would you do and why?
The alphabet soup group focuses on gender now. They are the gender ideologist group. LGB is the only sexual minority group left anyway. Those who still recognize sexual minorities and their sex-based attraction as a meaningful frame don't fit in the alphabet soup. And the alphabet soup is full of straight people pretending to be sexual minorities, just as much as it is full of people pretending to be the opposite sex. There's also an alarming number of bisexuals who think they're gay or lesbian because they prefer feminine or masculine styles. They don't experience exclusive attraction to one sex and assume it doesn't exist. So, alphabet soup is a bunch of roleplayers who just aren't satisfied with being themselves.
There's also an alarming number of bisexuals who think they're gay or lesbian because they prefer feminine or masculine styles. They don't experience exclusive attraction to one sex and assume it doesn't exist.
Yeah, I kinda can't get over the bisexuals who keep saying "everyone is a little bi" and pushing "sexual fluidity" on lesbians. I can't get over it because you think they would know better! I mean, I can understand straight teenagers thinking it's "special" and "cool" to call themselves "queer" and not realizing the harm they're doing by co-opting our oppression, but bisexuals should really know better. And yet, they don't.
I think some of them are just dumb and legit don't understand that some people are 100% straight or 100% gay.
Like on some other forum, I saw some bisexual people talking about a "lesbian" who liked occasionally sleeping with men. They were calling her a "lesbian" just because she was butch, but it's like . . . Bisexual women can be masculine, too. So can straight women!!!
But no. Because this masculine woman was banging men and women both, these bisexuals held it as proof that lesbians secretly like men and everyone is a little bi and "lesbian" is just a label for women who only date women (rather than the correct definition: women only ATTRACTED to women) . . . Just utter stupidity.
People are so deeply brainwashed by gender roles and stereotypes, they don't realize that a woman can be masculine or feminine regardless of sexual orientation. Those two things (personality and sexual orientation) have nothing to do with each other!!!
They really can't wrap their heads around someone being homosexual and wanting nothing to do with the opposite sex. If I had it my way, I would be living in female only communities. I've even heard gay me say they want to be around only men all the time. Doesn't bother me. I get it.
I also read that on autostraddle (back when I still read stuff from autostraddle) that apparently lesbians don't mind sleeping with men, and I thought no, if a woman don't mind sleeping with men, then she definitely isn't a lesbian. I used to be quite upset that they portrayed Julian Moore's character in The kids are alright as a lesbian, because she was bisexual. No real lesbian is going to jump a guy's bones or watch male gay porn when you're having sex with a woman. That movie boiled my blood!
bUt... wHaT aBoUt tHe CIVIL RIGHTS oPpReSsiOn of "agenders", "demiromantics", "freysexuals", "plurisexuals", "sapio-non-conforming-demipansexuals", "AFAB trans girls", etc?
At this point I'm ashamed to admit I'm a lesbian.. Not because of conservatives saying it's a sin, but because of the idiots who are associated with LGBT. Fuck everything past the B. Embarrassing at best, and setting us back at the worst.
Get the L out
LGB are sexual orientations.
Everything else is gender identity.
They have nothing in common.
I feel the exact same way.