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QuestionHealing from a misogynistic family
Was anyone else raised in a misogynistic family? If so what are your experiences, and how did you heal?
My family is pretty misogynistic. There's an attitude of, men handle things and women are just there to be pretty and silent. And you should defer to a man (likely your husband) on all matters. Since I've become an adult, I feel treated differently since I'm now a young beautiful woman. All my life, my uncles and male cousins don't even speak to me despite me seeing them at family functions often. It's like, if you're a girl they can't talk to you and you don't have a voice. This, plus many times where I have been objectified or outfit-policed. They demean all my accomplishments and only encourage me to have babies. It's hard to feel so objectified and ignored by everyone, and to shake myself out of this and tell myself that it's not true.
For example, my sister has been around my cousins since they were born. They never converse with her at family functions. But since she has gotten a boyfriend, they refer to her as "Nick's girlfriend" and not by her actual name.
I had a long-lost female cousin that I hadn't seen in 10 years. I found her on Facebook and brought her to a family party. None of the males spoke to her, and after the fact when talking to my uncle the only thing he could say about her was that she "was hot".
Recently, I had an incident where my uncle was only speaking to my dad about something, and I should have been included in the discussion but was deliberately left out. I texted him saying I felt this was unfair, and I felt that I was left out because I'm a woman (and he thought it appropriate to speak only to my father, as if my father has authority over my life and decisions, even though I'm an adult). And now my uncle and aunt aren't speaking to me. Oh well.
Any advice on how to unlearn this messaging? How to not let it affect your self-esteem?
Not a book but a useful resource: Spinning Babies. I have no idea about their gender inclusivity or otherwise, I only know I wish I'd known about them earlier than 41+6, because doing inversions off the bed at basically 42w was pretty challenging. But I am sure those exercises saved us a hospital induction, so. Good luck.
Expecting Better, by Emily Oster. It came out at the end of my last pregnancy so I did not buy it, but I read a lot of the reviews and criticisms and came to the conclusion that she was right about most things. I had one of the best OBs who was really evidence based and didn't act like I was going to damage my baby with every bite of food or sip of drink I took. Her conclusions lined up with a lot of the guidance he gave me. He helped me understand why something could pose a risk and how to balance the risk/benefit, where a lot of the time women are just told to avoid things without adequate explanation.
I wanted to like that book, but Emily's comments on alcohol were so irresponsible. Alcohol is a teratogen-- there is no safe amount-- and she was basically saying it's okay to have a glass of wine a day at certain points of pregnancy. Our society has a serious drinking problem if we are going to prioritize blending in socially over protecting a child. I couldn't trust anything she said after that section to be honest. The whole thing read as if she was trying really hard to cherry-pick studies to support her own drinking decisions.
Milli Hill's books
I just looked her up but it doesn't seem she's a scientist or has any medical training?
oops I totally skipped over the science part, sorry about that!