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QuestionHealing from a misogynistic family
Was anyone else raised in a misogynistic family? If so what are your experiences, and how did you heal?
My family is pretty misogynistic. There's an attitude of, men handle things and women are just there to be pretty and silent. And you should defer to a man (likely your husband) on all matters. Since I've become an adult, I feel treated differently since I'm now a young beautiful woman. All my life, my uncles and male cousins don't even speak to me despite me seeing them at family functions often. It's like, if you're a girl they can't talk to you and you don't have a voice. This, plus many times where I have been objectified or outfit-policed. They demean all my accomplishments and only encourage me to have babies. It's hard to feel so objectified and ignored by everyone, and to shake myself out of this and tell myself that it's not true.
For example, my sister has been around my cousins since they were born. They never converse with her at family functions. But since she has gotten a boyfriend, they refer to her as "Nick's girlfriend" and not by her actual name.
I had a long-lost female cousin that I hadn't seen in 10 years. I found her on Facebook and brought her to a family party. None of the males spoke to her, and after the fact when talking to my uncle the only thing he could say about her was that she "was hot".
Recently, I had an incident where my uncle was only speaking to my dad about something, and I should have been included in the discussion but was deliberately left out. I texted him saying I felt this was unfair, and I felt that I was left out because I'm a woman (and he thought it appropriate to speak only to my father, as if my father has authority over my life and decisions, even though I'm an adult). And now my uncle and aunt aren't speaking to me. Oh well.
Any advice on how to unlearn this messaging? How to not let it affect your self-esteem?
I like it, but she spelled “choked” wrong.
Also, it's strangulation instead of choking! I didn't know this before but choking only refers to something blocking the airway from inside. Strangulation is outside pressure.
I know, this has been on my nerves too, but I think it’s just casual language when they mean it in a sexual context, plus, strangulation sounds... purposeful?...
Honestly... at this point, I’d be tempted to rebut people who want to “let women be feminine” by saying something like, “Actually, you’re right. If certain women choose to be maidservants to men, why not let those women lap up all that “sex-positivity” and “feminine power”, while everyone else chooses empowerment via going against the flow? Someone has to do the grunt work of placating men, after all—might as well let the ones who enjoy it do it”.
Pretty inflammatory, but I think it gets the point across.
I dress in a very feminine way, but I rarely catch any flack for it. When I do, it's usually from men and butch lesbians.
It's crazy how much women go to bat for men and the patriarchy.