41
Need Advice or Support“Tumblr-pilled” adult women: the quirky nerdy creative girl to lib fem therapy speak self diagnosis hyper online stunted pipeline
Is there an actual name for this? The male sides of hyper online culture have been relatively well mapped (because they’re so disgusting and destructive) : red pillers, black pillers, pick up artists, hyper cynical shitposters, Jo Rogan misogynist mansplainer bros, literal terrorists and criminals, etc etc.
The dark female sides of the internet just tend to be sad and self destructive. I want to talk about one subculture though because I have seen a number of friends lost to it in eerily similar ways and would love to hear thoughts and advice.
What I’m trying to describe is the quirky nerdy creative girl to lib fem therapy speak self-diagnosis arrested development hyper online pipeline. Young women who were passionate, curious, eccentric, thoughtful but who are now adult women who spend obscene amounts of time online and can barely have a single conversation on any topic without it coming back to them complaining about their lives in a very therapy-speak kind of way (and nothing ever gets better), and never ever holding an even slightly surprising opinion (just liking whatever the social media flavour of the month is, or being angry about whatever the outrage bait flavour of the month is). They never ever want advice or discussion, just validation. I used to like them because they were creative and a bit fun and surprising, now they are the most unsurprising dull people I know.
One friend I’m thinking of is in a toxic relationship that they justify with lib fem talking points (“he’s queer poly and I’m cool with that” dude has been using you for no strings attached sex and counselling for almost a decade now), doesn’t work because of an ever changing array of self diagnosed allergies and mental health issues (unemployment benefits topped up by her parents), has insomnia but admits she never tried her doctor’s recommendation to do screen-free time overnight (if she wakes up she hops immediately onto her phone).
Another inherited a house and has a cruisey job she’s had since graduating 15 years ago with a few pay rises but still does the “uwu so broke” shtick cos that’s what the cool twitter kids say, and has slowly given up all her interests to just retweet social justice stuff (sometimes even really weird Russia Today style stuff) at no one, when we became friends she used to hike and travel a lot and was always absent minded and clumsy but would laugh about it, now she claims that same clumsiness and absent mindedness is a host of health problems which excuse her from ever doing anything.
I feel like the internet is such an enabler of mindless misery by being so addictive (but unfulfilling) and the whole culture of “self care means never admitting you ever need to change anything <3 “
Would love to hear your thoughts on how to try to gently support friends out of this without being an “ableist abuser” , and other people’s experiences with this subculture. It makes me so sad, I loved who they were and and now their spark has just gone.
YAY!!!
I'm always so nervous to give them out... like what if I screw up and some raging AGP ends up getting one of mine. lol
I wouldn't worry about it too much. They'd get kicked if they started causing trouble. Just do a quick review of people's post histories on whichever site you're giving them the invite through to be on the safe side and that should be enough.
Lol I'm sure I've accidentally invited a troll or two, but I check people's post/reblog histories before I give out codes. The mods and just this community in general seems really awesome about reporting trolls when they are found.
yeah i am pretty cautious. If i don't know the person, i refer them to this page: https://ovarit.com/wiki/invites
Guuurl. Good on You and on Your many many Friends who are now here.
((slowly creeps around deleting anything I've said that any of Your 34-strong army might take the wrong way... nothing to see here, just carry on with what You were doin'...))
I have so many un-given-out codes. •___• The thing is, I'm pretty much a "Very Offline" person to begin with (insofar as that remained possible during COVID weirdnesses), and, on top of that, except for my 1 best Friend there's essentially zero overlap between my online existence and my real life.
Sooooo yeah if anybody needs a spare code You can alws DM me ahah
I requested mine a couple of days ago through email, don't know if it was you or another woman, either way I'm super glad to be part of this community, and so happy to see it growing 💗
I remember getting my code from someone in Twitter, but it's been a while so now I can't remember who gave it to me. Either way, thank you for going through all the trouble of finding new users and inviting them!
*Edit: sp
How do you know how many used the codes? Ive given out 55, but no idea how many were used
I just copied and pasted the info from the invite codes table into Excel (paste special -> text). Then just highlighted the "used" column (with all the ones and zeros). Down at the bottom of the pane/page, excel will give you a "count" (total number of things highlighted), and then a "sum". Since every code used counts as either a 1 or a 0, with 1 being used and 0 unused, it'll just add all the 1s together. And that's how many codes of yours have been used to create accounts.
I’ve been starting to share a few with radfems I find on Reddit. I only hope to approach your level of accomplishment
Break my high score!
I’m trying to be cautious so we don’t get a bunch of libfems or TRAs trying to infiltrate and troll or something. You know how Reddit be
I think we all appreciate that. I'm always sure to read past post histories from users. I learned a month or two ago that not just libfems or TRAs can be trolls. I "got into it" with someone here who considered herself a fellow lesbian, recently detransitioned. Super mean, put me down (name calling, etc. - I'm past it now but trying to paint a picture). All of my comments magically had -3 downvotes nearly immediately after I would respond to her. About a day later, I bump into her and "two others" doing the same thing to somebody else. All of their comments also with -3 downvotes. Reported her and the other accounts, the awesome admins took care of it.
She was definitely a radical feminist just based on her post history, but very reactive and abusive in the way she commented to people she didn't agree with.
I'm grateful for the admins for doing what they do and taking civility and trolling on this site seriously, even when it comes down to hard calls such as banning users who may genuinely be gender critical.
Brilliant. I've been 'here' since the beginning (not evident from my current username, as I lost my first one due to forgetting my tutanota password :() and every now and then I read comments from the handful of women I've sent invite codes to and am very pleased. Welcome to your protegees!
That's great! Where do you find these women that you share codes with, can I ask?
I wasn't sure how to generate them. Can we all do that?
I think once you're like level 15 or something. You can go to "invite codes" and then generate them.
There are levels here?! TIL ;)
Hahaha, yeah. If you click on your username (or anybody's) you can see what level you are. For example, I'm at level "chronically online".
I haven't given out many codes and this makes me inspired to start offering them more readily.
Good for you! I have no idea who gave me mine, other than I requested it from someone on Twitter over two years ago. I had to delete that account because someone (actually a whole crowd of people) was going to "report me" once they found out where I worked. They were going to report me for saying that men had an unfair advantage over women in sports.
Whichever one of you it was, thanks so much!