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RantPondering Asexuality.
I'm highly skeptical of Asexuality as a concept applicable to humans. We're a highly social grooming animal who's closest genetic relative (the bonobo) is almost hypersexual. We are fertile year round, receptive year round, and evolutionarily speaking, have some very unique sexual adaptations. The sex drives of males aside (for now) the drive to reproduce (or at least commit analogous acts)in a sexually reproductive species is essentially hardwired into out brains. (The Child Free community still very much fucks, so even if their smart human brain knows it doesn't want kids, dumb animal brain doesn't care.)
Every single person I've known personally that claims some level of gray/ace/demi-whatever-ality...later admits to sever sexual trauma, or abuse, or a deep dislike for men, or SSRI use for years, or depression, or a myriad of other things that account for it better. All of them masturbate, many of them have had past sexual partners, and the amount of exotic art and writing they can create is on parr with Sara J Maas. But still they claim the Ace Spectrum Thing.
It boggles my mind. They get so close to realizing they just have a low libido or trauma and then go back to the 'some aces can fuck' 'some aces experience arousal' stuff.
I don't see how they can be so close to realizing there's something else going on and just not take the final step, and I'm afraid to push them because they're all libfems. I love them to bits, and it drives me nuts they've picked up this label that only serves to hold them back.
Full disclosure, I've had people ask me if I'm asexual before, because my sex drive fluctuates and can downright shut down due to depression or circumstances (like military bootcamp, where I was so focused on surviving and so tired I lost all sexual feelings and even dreams for 4 months) I have never been anything but an unfortunately straight woman.
It's been on my mind lately because of a silly cartoon I'm watching with a male 'ace rep' character.
(My 'for now' caveat) legitimately all the people i know who claim to be asexual are women. Never a man. And yes, it's online spaces, but the only men I see claiming Asexuality are chronic masturbators or suffering from some severe health issue that makes their block and tackle not function, not an actual lack of any and all sexual attraction, feelings, or complete inability to become aroused. I legitimately believe that even if asexuality could be applicable to humans, it would be a female condition, tied to XX chromosomes, because testosterone poisoning seems to turn any and all people who encounter it, into chronic horndogs.
It doesn't help that there are literally no actual medical tests I can find that dig in and do extensive panels to try and find out the why of things. At least for Gay and Lesbians there are structural brain scans and extensive genetic testing.
Sorry, this has been a back of my head rant for a while now, and i just have to get it out and hopefullyget some feedback that I'm not living in delulu world.
Sexuality is influenced by more than just physical needs - emotional or intellectual connection is a significant dimension for many women to be interested. If women don't feel that connection with people they have met it is OK to opt out.
If it is a source of angst for them, they can explore if there are physical, psychological or relationship reasons.
But if they are content and happy with their asexual/celibate lives I don't see what the problem is. They can redirect all that spare time/money into doing something more fulfilling for themselves.
Why do women need to be sexually active? aside from if they want to have a child.
I get being fed up with everyone needing to be labeled with an "identity & flag" and fully support the eye-rolling at yet another navel-gazing bore.
Exactly. I also find it concerning that young girls, who probably haven't even reached the stage of being sexual/interested in that, are now labelling themselves "ace" and making it their identity.
I heard a teacher say that many girls 12 to 16 in her classes were pressured to pick a sexuality by their peers. A large percentage picked asexual- probably because they have seen porn, and just want to be left alone.
A friend's son 'came out as ace' - I didn't say anything to her, but he hadn't even finished puberty yet. I worry about kids who preemptively stake everything on some 'identity' or other, then don't feel like they can change it once they've matured a bit.
They don't need to be sexually active. If they never are that's perfectly fine by me. It's the fact that it's used as a shield to avoid looking into the issues that (because I've known them for years) are clearly the reason they actually feel this way. You don't get traumatized or medicated into a sexual orientation, and every single one of them has trauma or a medical issue or both that you could almost pin on a board and say 'there's the switch!' If they want to be celibate, more power too them. But by God take care of the underlying issues too instead of sweeping them under the ace rug with the demi broom!
Well said.