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QuestionHave you ever dated someone who identifies as nonbinary or trans?
Posted January 30, 2024 by Katara in GenderCritical

Have you dated a trans man or a trans woman or a person who identifies as 'nb' (non-binary, agender, person without a gender, neither a man nor a woman)? If so, which of these genders have you dated? Also interesting if you dated different people from several or even all of these groups. And how did that go?

Did your lover have gender dysphoria, and did their dysphoria cause issues in the relationship? How did these issues affect you? Did dating them make you question your own gender identity?

Which issues mostly came up during the dating phase of your relationship?

Were they more shy and less proactive than your average person? Did your lover hold back a lot, as in they barely expressed feelings, and rarely made romantic gestures? Barely showed you that they were interested? Expected you to do most of the pursuing? Expected you to make the first move, ask them out, etc? Acted extremely shy around you? Sorta like a middle schooler with a crush, but this behavior coming from an adult your own age? Have you experienced something like that?

Did you (ignore if too personal) have problems in the bedroom with them? Did they feel uncomfortable with you touching them? As in, they were so uncomfortable with being touched and held by you, that you barely got a chance to get intimate with them? Or they acted like a stone top, and tried weird dominating tactics in the bedroom...

Did they ever express resentment of you, or grow resentful towards you, because you didn't have the same gender dysphoric feelings they were struggling with? As in, did they act in ways that made you feel like they were low-key envious of you feeling good about your own body and gender? How was this expressed? Did they make negative comments to bring you down? Did they try to one-up you whenever they saw you succeed at something in life?

Based on these dating experiences, do you feel like it is more difficult dating someone who has an atypical gender identity? Like does this require more emotional labor? Having to constantly affirm their gender identity, constantly reassure them.

When you started dating them, did you know from the start they were trans? Or is this something you only found out later on? Was their gender identity a deal-breaker for you, that made you no longer wish to continue the relationship? Or were you more tolerant of differences? Are you usually cool with dating trans people and nonbinary people, or did you make an exception just for this one person?

Did you ever have in-depth conversations with them about gender and what it means to be trans? Were they open to having such deep conversations with you? Or did you feel like you had to avoid the topic, walking on eggshells the entire time?

Did you ever try to convince them to detransition? Was that on your mind when you started dating them? Did you think you were going to 'save them' or were you trying to 'change them'? How did they respond to that? Did this lead to an argument? Do you now think you were wrong and you were at fault for trying to change them?

Would you date a trans person or nonbinary person now? What about a nonbinary person who had not had any surgeries, and looks exactly like the typical person of the gender you like. So if you are into men, they look like a manly man, if you like women, picture a womanly woman. From just looking at them, you would never guess they are 'nb'. But they consider themselves nonbinary. Would you date them? If you went on a first date, and the date went well, and during the first date, they told you they are nonbinary. Would you go on a second date with this person?

Kinda posted different sorts of questions that come to my mind. Please ignore the questions that don't apply to you, or you don't feel comfortable with answering. Sorry if this is the wrong place for asking this.

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