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HumorMy husband got lectured by a Tim he accidentally misgendered
Husband went back to his hometown this past week and I couldn't attend, so while there he went to visit his bff and joined in on the weekly D&D session that his bff DM's (dungeon master, the guy who runs the show). He says he's sitting there and looks up as this guy walks in, except he's like "Oh..." the guy has tits :D (I am describing this as he described it to me). He's like "Ya, it was just an overweight dude with tits...". So, moobs goes on to say his name is Lily, and after introductions they start the gaming session. Apparently my husband slipped up somewhere (he's not even sure where) and got a huge lecture from "Lily" about how he's actually a "girl", and how he's trans, etc. Now, DH (dear husband) definitely knows I'm a huge terf, so I'm like "Did you tell Lily your wife is a huge terf and that he's a man?". Unfortunately no, he said it was all he could do not to burst out laughing during Lily's tirade, and he didn't want to make the situation any more tense for his friend.
This was the first time DH has encountered a Tim in the wild, and he says "I can see why the Ovarit ladies talk about how no one can stand to be around these guys...". Yup. Even when they're fully clothed no one wants to deal with them.
While I rarely preface sentences with "What I love about men is..." here is a perfect time to do just that. What I love about men is their first instinct at a TiM in the wild is to laugh. Your DH KNOWs this guy is a joke and he doesn't have an instinct to fawn, or hide. His gut reaction is to call it like he sees it and try to hold in his laughter.
Wish he had actually laughed though. Better yet, laugh while trying desperately hard not to. That says more than a thousand words
what is it about gaming communities that are just over fucking ran with this bullshit?
The overlap of men in gaming communities and porn addiction is upwards of 100%
This is true every single gaming event I've gone to even ones that were very mixed it was always some asshole who had to make some kind of porn reference or porn joke or something like that it's like you can't go anywhere without being faced with it.
Too much time in fantasy role-play and then they want the whole world to be made to LARP along as if we're just NPCs, is my guess.
Those people are the absolute worst to encounter at an actual larp con, I tell you.
They can do everything better than everyone else. When the thief just happily gets out her lockpicks to open the mysterious box, the dude with main character syndrome says "Ah, no need, I can do that with a magic spell!" When there's enemies, he is the best fighter.
When there's a curse to break, he is better at it than the wizard.
And of course, he is an elf and the most handsome of them all even though he forgot to shave this morning and his pointy ears are glued on the wrong way round.
And his costume consists of nothing but armour.
Real larpers hate that dude. (But yeah, he IS common.)
That's exactly what I was thinking. Heavy involvement in hobbies that entail pretending to be someone else seems to be a common denominator.
A lot of TIMs are nerdy, usually borderline incel adjacent red pill types. Not to rag on DND too much, but that’s a decent chunk of players right there
My husband and I met a group online and we found out one guy lived in our area and we've been wanting to make new friends so my husband reach out to him for lunch since they work nearby. Within 30 minutes he had disclosed to my husband that he really feels like he's a girl inside and was doing weird things like kind of hitting on my husband even though he knew he was married. To give him the benefit of the doubt we went to this other event where he was there and I cannot tell you he looked at me with such a sneer of contempt like how dare I get in the way of him thinking he's going to fuck my husband or something it was the weirdest fucking thing.
Gross! Like clockwork lol
It was totally gross and weird and upsetting like how dare I and my reality and existence infringe upon whatever projection and delulu du jour he was having!
Oh, lol. He really understands you now, I wager.
I weep for the gaming group that has to endure "Lily" every week. And I hope there's no women in this group.
BFF has a wife but the Tim could possibly be her friend, idk. All I can say is its a good thing I wasn't there
That is hilarious
I’m sure it was a whiny tirade, not a threatening one since DH is a male, but good for him to see it
My DH doesn’t think any man has a right to women’s spaces or things, nor does he think any man can be a woman
But he does think there is a ‘true trans’ who would be happier if born a woman
I think some people have dysmorphia and would be uncomfortable with any body they have
Effeminate men don't want to be women they want to be effeminate and other men won't let them. That's not women's problem and other men being shitty to them isn't a fast-pass into an obligatory woman-only safe space
They want to be effeminate and have other men desire them like they desire women.
If there were equal amounts of homosexual and heterosexual men on the earth,I bet there wouldn't be a single HSTS in sight
There are huge numbers of women who would definitely be happier if they were born as men. I promise you, none of the women I’m thinking of are “true trans” or would believe in the concept of “true trans.” We all are just normal women who have been disadvantaged or suffered in some way due to being unlucky enough to be born female in the wrong place and time.
The men who claim they would’ve been happier if they were actually born women are usually the ones who believe that being biologically female is a cakewalk and that “men have it hard”. Some of them believe that misandry is dangerous and very common, more so than misogyny.
I don’t believe in “true trans” after I gave it more thought and realized that most of these “true trans” advocates are still just discontented with the existence of gender stereotypes, gender roles, and social pressures.
The men who claim they would’ve been happier if they were actually born women are usually the ones who believe that being biologically female is a cakewalk and that “men have it hard”.
Yet somehow, most of them have only come out of the woodwork after women fought for our rights and there's no laws anymore than discriminate against "women" as a legal category. (Just sneaky laws that discriminate against female-bodied people)
If they think being an ugly man is hard, they should try being an ugly woman!
Can you imagine how an actual woman who looked like "Lily" would be treated by men?
I don’t even have to imagine; I already know. :( I’ve known many similarly unattractive women and overweight women who receive such terrible abuse or mistreatment from men in everyday interactions! It’s brutal. I used to be obese/overweight myself for much of my life and at my highest weight (~160-ish lbs), I was treated as subhuman. I’ve had friends who were at much bigger weights and my heart breaks at thinking about the mistreatment that many of them must’ve gone through, as it must’ve been much worse. I’m lucky enough that at my height and with the plainer way that I dress, I was still able to go unnoticed by many of the bullies back when I was obese. I remember one friend actually teared up when talking about the sort of cruel treatment they received so we changed the conversation topic, as it was just too sad and awkward for both of us to talk about. That sort of degradation and humiliating treatment really sticks with you!
Aw, sorry to have reminded you of that. :(
But really, those TIMs are adding insult to injury by claiming that they would have it easier as women, when the only reason why they are generally being treated with politeness is because they are men and everyone can see that they are.
(To some extent, I blame media. Hulk is an ugly monster, she-hulk is a hot lady who happens to be green. And no matter whether a videogame has catpeople, cattlepeople, trolls or orcs, the females always look the same, like human supermodels, with fur or green skin, but always the same otherwise. Those video game nerds seem to honestly believe that, although they are overweight males who got bullied a bit in school for that, if they were born female, they would have been supermodels.)
Please don’t apologize at all! <3 There is so much shame and stigma about being an ugly or even slightly unattractive woman, even online! I think it deserves to be talked about more.
So much emphasis is put on “male loneliness” while “female loneliness” is taboo and shameful because “it’s our faults” for being “fat cows” or for choosing not to wear makeup or spend the extra time to dress to the nines, but men expect to be able to throw on a wrinkly old shirt and jeans to a date yet rant about women showing up to the same date wearing clean, simple clothing lol. “Dad-bods” and unkempt beards are praised while out-of-shape women and women with normal amounts of facial fuzz on their cheeks/side-burn/upper-lip area are shamed. So many normal/average-looking women are made to consider themselves “ugly” because it’s considered controversial for them to dare to show confidence lol.
Shame all the ugly biological males when they’re displaying such arrogance, especially the ones that have the nerve to call themselves women. They want to be women, so they deserve the same criticism we frequently get for existing in public with normal, non-made-up faces or with a bit of chub or extra body hair/facial hair. I’ve had so many beautiful and pretty friends displaying such extreme self-hatred for their appearances due to this as well. It hurts us all!
There’s a video of Alexa Nicolas protesting at Nickelodeon about child exploitation in Hollywood, yet so many comments from males only focus on her armpit hair! 🤦♀️ (I doubt many of the incels commenting this are clean-shaven.)
Even if the species is reptilian, the females have to have breasts. And it’s like, do you people even know what the difference is between mammals and reptiles? Milk production is a pretty big one.
Absolutely! I believe that most accusations of transphobia is simply them discovering, for the very first time, just how much scorn the world has for you as an ugly woman. Real women, as we know, live blessed lives, are loved and desired by everyone, and get everything they want. Women who don't live like that don't even exist in their minds. Hence, if they're not fawned all over, the problem is definitely with society not recognizing them as a "real woman".
They are incredibly fortunate that most everyone bites their tongue around them. The women who aren't real would kill for that.
I don't think I'd be happier if I'd been born a man. I'd have been happier if I hadn't had to deal with the sexism absolutely, but actually being a man? No thanks. One of the coolest things I ever did, twice, was give birth. That's so much more powerful than anything a male body can come up with. It's interesting to me that some of the TIF's aren't interested in giving that up -- which tells me, like you say, I don't believe in true trans.
Yeah, I respect that! I’m sure that if/when I eventually have children one day, I may feel similarly to you! I know that there’s plenty of women who would not want to be a man, women who are grateful to be women because of positive experiences such as being a mother/grandmother/daughter/sister/wife, and women who have no opinion on what biological sex they were born as, because it’s just a neutral immutable biological fact to them that one is born either female or male, and regardless one has to make the best of it.
But I think many of us who actively hate being born a woman or wish that we had been born men have legitimate reasons to feel that way. It’s usually a result of bad experiences that have been made us hyperaware of our bodies and our biological sex (whether it’s sexism, discrimination, limited career mobility, rape, assault, abuse, experiences of being overpowered by males or being talked down and condescended to, etc).
The only way to reduce the number of women who hate being women is for society to make more efforts to acknowledge women as human beings who are allowed to have rights and opinions. Stuff like getting abortion rights taken away reinforces to some of these abused women and girls that they are the lesser beings that society has always told them they are.
If you grow up seeing all these subliminal messages that women are worth less than men, that boys are worth more than girls, that individual female achievements are meaningless because men have collectively achieved more anyway, that women aren’t allowed to say no to men (such as the TIMs in women’s bathrooms issue), it’s pretty natural for some girls to decide that they don’t want to be female though.
I think we took a great leap backward in the 80's and 90's in terms of women believing in themselves. I was square in the middle of second wave feminism. It was so ubiquitous with my cohort that we didn't even know we were feminists. We just went and did what we wanted. We had the pill, we had abortion, we started to see women entering what was then non-traditional careers. One of my friends was a DOP in film, amid a bunch of men, merrily trailblazing. My other friend was a police office, again, merrily trailblazing. Most of my close female friends chose not to marry, though they had partners, had kids later (one at 40) and we thought we were making real progress. NOBODY talked about actually wanting to be a man. This may be why I say I'm not interested in being a man, because for my formative years I thought of myself as a bit of a pioneer breaking ground for the women who would follow. It felt good. Then 2 big things happened - Evangelical Christianity got a seat at the table with Ronald Reagan, and choice feminism starting telling women that porn was good for them.
I so agree with you. I don't remember ever wanting to be a man but I also was a second waver in the early '70 and we just did what we wanted. We were very proud to be changing things and very committed to it. I never wanted marriage or kids and with the feminist movement I knew that I didn't have to. I was 30 in 1980 and I was one of the first women in my company to get into mangement and was able to buy myself a house. It is so disappointing that womens rights are being reversed. And abortion overturned.
I agree with you, I think this is very true! My formative years are pretty different from yours! I admire you and your friends for having had these sorts of life experiences!
I was born in the 90s in the US and grew up reading books and blogs about feminism from women like yourself. I sought out that sort of reading material because I was constantly surrounded by doubts about my self-worth being female, despite having a good father that encouraged me. Part of the doubt about my self-worth came from what I saw from western media, part of it came from eastern media (from the countries my parents originated from), and part of it was just from daily observations, seeing how myself and female peers were treated compared to my male peers, stuff like that. I come from a background where when a girl or woman is menstuating, she’s seen as “unlucky” or sort of “dirty” even so we needed to be careful to not be around people when they were praying or whatever. Little things like that added to up making me seek out feminist media for “validation” in my self-worth, not unlike how I think a lot of girls these days are seeking out the “non-binary” or “trans male” labels to validate their self-worths.
So it was a relief for me to read about the progress that I saw both western and eastern feminists making in the 90s and 2000s to reduce the social stigma and shame around being a girl/woman. Within the span of 10-15 years, I can’t believe how quickly the stigma around being female has come back. It’s made me so angry.
I can imagine it must make second wave feminists like yourself even more angry because you all have had to experience an even bigger jump in regression of women’s rights!
Everybody say: Hi Lilly! we know you are lurking bro!
Lmao that these dudes think they ever “pass”. They’re almost all exceptionally ugly men too...even uglier “women” - just incels with a 5 o’clock shadow and greasy, scraggly hair. Gross.
It's a weird thing, but even the ones who were reasonably well put together before coming out seem to lose the will to maintain hygiene.
Depression?
Transing certainly does not help their mental wellbeing.
I think it's partially that, but also the effect of an all-consuming sex-addiction. It would explain why they both persist in escalating behavior that makes them miserable and alienates other people in their lives, but also frequently complain about how hard and miserable their lives are.
So, moobs goes on to say his name is Lily
🤭 moobs.
I'll bet the DM just doesn't have the stones to kick Moobie McNeckbeard out of the group because they don't want to hurt his feelings (or deal with him getting butthurt and calling them transphobic rapists online)
I would have just laughed in his face.
clearly the moob man gets correctly sexed a lot, he needs to learn to live with the fact no one cares.
if you don't pass you have no right to scream at people who have eyes, I'm not saying passing is good its all lies and deception but clearly if they pass they get a kick out of it every time someone miss sexes them so whats moob boy getting out of making a fool of himself?
What I wouldn't give to listen in to hear the exact dressing down this TiM gave your DH and friends...and to watch your DH hold in his laughter like an SNL character breaking scene!
I'd have reacted the same way. It's soooooo difficult to get a solid and consistent DnD group together... there's always that one player we put up with.
Lily. Of fucking course he named himself Lily.
They always choose fragile, flower-y names. (Is there even just ONE TIM named Brunhilde?)
The only exception to this I have ever seen is "Athena", and that is probably because they don't know who Athena is.
'Lily' is probably one of the worst names a TIM could choose (there is literally a prepubescent TIM anime character named that)
'Athena' doesn't surprise me at all, taking the name of a god or goddess feels awfully narcissistic
Yeah, but if Athena were, like, a real person, she'd be rather muscular, I wager. (She is depicted with a helmet, usually, being a goddess of warfare so ....)
Clashes a bit with their "uwu, I'm a weak little lady" shtick.
But, I don't think they know even what, exactly, Athena is the godess of. 🤔
(She is also one of the virgin goddesses, when I've never encountered a TIM who had any inclination to be chaste, lol)
Edited to add: Admittedly, thinking about it, there might be quite a few virginal TIMs.
The difference here being that the ancient goddesses defended their virginity, while the TIMs try very, very hard to lose it.
Does that character have a different name in Japanese?
Asking because the English 'L' sound is notoriously tongue-twisty for the Japanese, who usually end up pronouncing it more like 'R'.
In fact, there is no native Japanese 'L' sound at all. (Try scrolling over Japan in Your phone's maps program and seeing whether You can find a single name anywhere with the letter L in it.)
I know a Woman named Laurel who married a hapa (Japanese + White) #boy, and the Japanese contingent of Her in-laws cannot pronounce Her name to save their lives😅. Poor Laurel becomes something like "ra-ru-ru"... where my overall point is, I don't think "Lily" would fare much better. "Reeree" maybe ahahaha.
Your Friend,
Rip-shi
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Yeah it’s because they see themselves as some kind of badass goth sexual goddesses and destroyer of worlds.
Then you meet “Lilith” in person and it’s some balding, overweight man in kitty cat socks who throws tantrums when the store is out of his favorite tv dinners
i have a tattoo of a black widow that i got when i was 18 that my mom named “Lilith, Destroyer of Men” but since so many TIMs are named that i kind of want to change it LMAO
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I really love that Athena has become the Karen of TIM names lmfaooo welcome to how women actually get treated, loser
Gladys? Ethel? Ermengarde?
There isn't. Because they know us Brynhild types will burn this MFer down just to prove that we're right.
Funnily, my bowling name is "Brunhilda".
Luna
Like, stop
Popular baby names strike again.