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DiscussionYou've done something terrible to your child
In the recent NYT soft-pedal article about transgender activism maybe, maybe, maybe having gone a leeeeetle too far (Ovarit discussion here: https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/626736/transgender-activists-question-the-movements-confrontational-approach), there were several comments from parents of trans teens. There always are on these stories. The parents' comments are invariably heartbreaking and usually say something about how "you just don't know until you've been through it." Usually they describe the teen as "one of the smartest people I know," "knowing his/her own mind," "having struggled hard with these concepts him/herself" and "frighteningly depressed before transition and now is happy/thriving, etc." Basically, the parent was afraid for the kid and is relieved the kid seems happy now and is doing well.
I responded to one of these commenters saying I can understand where you are coming from--it is terrifying to see your child suffering and not know how to help. And it genuinely sucks in our culture to be a woman--especially one with ambitions beyond sex and motherhood. But if his "son" is going to be mentally healthy in the long run, she is going to have to grapple with the reality of her womanhood at some point and it would have been better to help her do that when the crisis came instead of letting her transition. Rejecting your body is fundamentally destabilizing, and whatever you build on top of that decision is going to rest on a shaky foundation.
Not shockingly, NYT did not publish my comment. But Jesus--this really needs to be said. Part of the reason these parents are going down this path is that they are not hearing anyone say they shouldn't. They think everyone believes what their kid does and they are just old people who need to get with the times.
Also, it is way past time that people come to grips with just how bad it is for women, all the world round. A desire to opt out should be understood as 100% normal and the response should be to encourage the girl to embrace who she is and support her sisters--never to side with men against them. We should be telling girls that siding with men against women is a shameful course to choose, and in the end, will make you just as crazy and unstable as rejecting your body.
If a girl decides to trans (or starts binge eating, bingeing and purging, starving herself, cutting), the first question parents, teachers or other concerned adults should ask themselves is, "Why does this girl feel like she needs to abandon her body?" Even if the answer is not sexual abuse (and it often is), something is going on that needs to be directly grappled with--not muted by testosterone and the allure of a fresh start with none of your shitty old problems.
I can't imagine saying any of this to parents I know who have transed their child. And I wouldn't be in their shoes for a mint of money. But one of the biggest obstacles to ending this insanity is those parents. As Helen Joyce has said, they've made a mistake they won't be able to forgive themselves for, so they can't ever accept it was a mistake. Would be curious to hear others' thoughts on how to create a way forward culturally for these parents that allows them to accept the truth and change course.
Working in my garden! Got quite a bit done and enjoyed it very much. Planted flowers, cilantro, radish, greens, some berry bushes and more! Something to look forward to.
Kinda embarrassing but I'm looking forward to getting my carpets professionally cleaned! With four cats at home, they've become quite disgusting 😅
My poor rugs have to be vacuumed every other day because my dog’s fur turns them white so I feel your pain! 🥲
Let Women Speak Edinburgh!
Edit: I'm back! It was great.
Amazing!!! Hope you & the others manage to stay safe and avoid the creepy violent males!
I have an all day event where I get to play my instrument, learn advanced techniques from professionals, and perform! Performing is like a drug to me, very few things beat the feeling of being on stage and making music.
I’ll be testing some chia pudding recipes for my mom when she visits next week. Aside from that I really need to deep clean my apartment and do some proactive self care—exercise, reading, practicing my languages. I’ve been sick and so stressed this week and sleeping terrible so I’m looking forward to fun things!
My friends are holding a BBQ. The weather here is unseasonably hot, so I'm looking forward to it. I've bought some sausage for the grill, and I'm halfway through two salads. One is a coleslaw that just needs dressing before I head over tomorrow. One is a potato salad that needs its dressing too, but I need to buy a few things for it to complete it. I like having a reason to make food like this, I feel domestic and creative.
I'm still stuck on a boss in the game I'm playing. Hopefully I'll get past him this weekend.
That goose game is a riot, enjoy!
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Currently I'm eating "broccoli slaw" with avocado and some raisins
Wow, didn't now broccoli mixes well with raisins! I only eat raisins either with grated carrot or in cakes.
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I love raisins, I have a sweet tooth and that's why I always thought raisins are for something sweet. Should try It with brocolli as an experiment:)
I'll be travelling to see the eclipse on Monday. Very excited!
Yes! Me too. We are flying, so we leave tomorrow in case American screws us (again). If all goes well, Sunday will involve scouting for The Best Place along maximum totality so we can get to the site on Monday.
Oh exciting! Please be careful and leave early, though. Traffic will be a mess, depending on where you're headed.
I’m on a roadtrip, so I’m looking forward to seeing new places that I haven’t seen before, having campfires, and spending time with friends.
I’m so jealous 😻😻😻 that sounds amazing 🤩
More moving-related bullshit. It’s been endless for almost 6 months now. But every step forward is a step closer to the entire saga being behind me, and I really love that feeling of progress, especially since our official move is only a week away! Plus we’ll probably have dinner at a cute place near our new house.
OMG, STILL MOVING???!!
Oh sorry. Well it'll soon be over, and dinner out will be nice "housewarming gift" of sorts, for yourselves.
I'm going to make my renfaire costume for next week, and probably a dress or two for the little girls I babysit for. I'm also working ahead on some videos, so I'll have to cook some meals for background footage. I'm thinking about bacon wrapped asparagus, steak and scalloped potatoes. Possibly lemon blueberry cake as well, since I've been looking forward to that.
Share your costume in o/ArtsAndYarns and the dress for little girls too!
I’m going into town! Only to the podiatrist, but I can barely get out usually so we’ll stop off at a café too. Looking forward to seeing the city centre in springtime colours, and people-watching with a cuppa for a bit.
I swear, OP, wreaking havoc with a goose sounds like the best kind of computer game there is. I have to look that up now. Have the best time!
It’s called Untitled Goose Game and it’s so much fun! You get to terrorize the town as an angry honking goose
I think we’re gonna get terrible Chinese food and watch the Marcel the shell movie. And likely walk around the nabe and admire the dogs.
Pet some dogs for me! I always get distracted at fairs and such by all the dogs (mine are barkers so they usually have to stay home : (
I am going to join a book discussion tomorrow and on Sunday I go to my rock-climbing:)
I think I’m gonna go to the park and do some reading. Last Saturday I did the same and dogs came to me for pets. Glorious. I’m just happy to not be working tbh
Baking orange blossom coconut snowball cookies and watching the second season of Sweet Home!
I’m taking a trip back to my college town to visit my friends who are still in school! I graduated last year and haven’t seen any of them in almost a year since I got a job at the other end of the country. Also excited to go to my favorite restaurants and bars in that town again lol.
I'm puppy hunting! Went to some shelters and it was mostly Pitbulls :(
I've learned that the small dogs are priced higher due to higher demand so that sucks. But I'm still holding out.
I should note that I can't have a pitbull because it's against my lease. Nothing personal
There are breed-specific rescues you can try, if you have an idea of what you'd like!
Probably a few hours of yoga and then decluttering some stuff that's accumulated (WHY do i keep ordering "self care"/"beauty" boxes? No one needs that many skincare products). Then I'll probably catch up on some reading.
I really look forward to my feminist webinars starting again after the Easter break. I am so used to these weekend webinars that I really miss them when there is a break. I even plan other activities around them so that I can attend.
Sleeping. Changing the clocks has fucked up my inner clock, I always need more sleep that others and these days I fall asleep on my nigel on the sofa, right away after dinner because i'm so exhausted.
Got 12h before kiddo woke me up to get breakfast.
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What project are you working on?
What's the book about witches you're reading? I can recommend one more. My student gifted me this book: https://www.amazon.com/We-are-All-Witches/dp/1785304135 - it's about Scottish women accused of witchcraft. It has two parts about each of the women: facts and a speculative fiction story.
And oh my, I was looking forwar to our bulb flowers too, but alas, mice has gnawed at them.
Oh, you were the one with the question about mice and hyacinths!
Thanks for the book recommendation, I looked it up on Amazon.
I don't want to dox myself about my project - or the witch book I am reading. I might post the name of it somewhere else online and bingo! I'm doxed!
Sure, no need to share if you don't want to - I understand your worries about doxing!
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Why IS truth so weak, so often?
That's a million dollar question and I wish I knew the answer! People don't care about truth, alas
If you like novels “Everyone Knows Your Mother is a Witch” by Rivka Galchen plays on this theme really well.
Oooh, what’s the book about witches called? Sounds cool!
Glad to hear all of it! I love spring too! It feels like many good things are on the way 🥰🥰🥰
Driving some 600 miles to see the eclipse!