https://x.com/drljultra/status/1900865084575904099

I don't understand why she thinks this is a good idea.

I'm a trans man who passes pretty well

Let me stop you right there- you don't pass well enough if it all falls apart when you're naked, do you?

and I was once given the advice to not tell dates and sex partners that I'm trans.

Yeah, who gave you this advice? Who told you it was a good idea to trick partners who don't want to have sex with you? Who told you that was moral and ethical? Who told you it was even safe?

Cause let me tell you something. When you're in a private room with no one else around, getting undressed, alone with a stranger, that is probably the worst time to spring highly upsetting information on him. What do I know, I'm just a rad fem, but looking at murder stats, it seems that when murder or assault happens, it's at that point. Not when it's on your Grindr profile.

All I can say is I wish I hadn't followed this advice because it just led to disappointments and awkward situations that really impacted my self-esteem.

I'd go further than that. You also put these guys through a distressing experience. One you downright traumatized. He tried to have sex with you out of pity/guilt but he was clearly so distressed that he blocked you the next day. Awkward is also not a word I would use- DANGEROUS is the one I'd select. You're extremely lucky that of these six men you tried to hoodwink, not one of them attacked you. That could easily happen at some point. By the law of averages it will. Stop it.

I never told any of them I was trans beforehand. First, because that's the advice I was given

This transference of responsibility is part of the reason why you are not capable of consenting to transition treatments. You do not think things through, you take anonymous advice at face value, you have a poor sense of ethics, and as we're about to see, you have high rate of failure to learn. Why didn't you figure it out when the first date got extremely upset?

and secondly because I thought in the even they are not into AFAB genitalia

Gay men are not into "AFAB" genitalia by definition, Aiden.

there's plenty of other things we can do that don't involve private parts.

Decades ago Monty Python released a spoof on the Joy Of Sex where Eric Idle and a model posed in positions that couldn't result in actual sex. He showed his 1970's naked British male body in ridiculous ways like his butt touching her butt facing opposite directions. It was called The Vatican Sex Manual. Was that your reference or something?

What do you think sex even is?

So.....how did it go once in bed?

I'll be honest, why not do nice things like go on a date first? Get dinner and watch a show? That would give these guys time to realize you're trans or at least that something is off.

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy."

Guy #1: Shocked. Got extremely rude and asked me why I lied to him.

"Good, good, well done, Wymer."

Guy #2: Shocked, but still fairly polite. He asked me to put my clothes back on and leave, though.

"Yes, yes, I suppose, hmmm."

Guy #3: He was visibly confused when he realized I was AFAB but he didn't stop me. 5 minutes later he stopped sex halfway and said something alone the lines of "I'm not into this, sorry."

"Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson."

So what you're doing here, is meeting these men, who expect to meet Biggus Dickus and once they get there you look them square in the eye and say "he has a wife, you know" and expect it to turn out well.

What you're doing is creepy and predatory, ma'am. You can easily put it into your profile that you are trans. There are some gay men who are just bi enough that they're open to having sex with you. That will not be the majority, but do you honestly need the entire world of gay men to have sex with you? No, you don't.

Why are you pursuing the ones that you know actually do NOT want to have sex with you? Why have you done this to at least 6 different guys, all of whom found the experience disconcerting? One of whom nearly got violent?

You say this is giving you low self-esteem. I think it should. You should feel bad about yourself, here. You should feel guilty. You're tricking these guys. You're lying to them and making them feel guilty for not wanting you. It's shameful behavior that you should be ashamed of. You don't even have the character to admit that's what you're doing, instead putting the blame on some anonymous person you claim gave you bad advice. You know what you're doing.

What's the point of going on to social media to call for a pity party? Why not advertise it on your profile that you're trans? Men who are into that will swipe right.

What hatred and bitterness have you got that you'd rather upset someone than find actual romance and sex?

If you truly wish you hadn't "followed this advice" then stop following it. Put your trans status on your profile, and accept that you'll get guys who are open to it and you won't get guys who are not. It will save you time and bus fare.

That is the most obviously solution to your problem. As it is, though, I recommend men who are into TIFs still steer clear of you because you seem to enjoy putting your partners through disturbing experiences.

Anyway- while I don't want to see this TIF attacked or harmed, I do think she's the predator in this situation. She has zero empathy for her dates. She feels no moral obligation to be honest, and she views herself as the victim of every situation she sets up.