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ActivismMy Letter to Jonah Wheeler
Dear Mr. Wheeler,
I used to call myself a democrat and have historically voted that way. I am now an independent voter. The primary reason is all to do with the issue of gender, sex, and the left’s seeming unwillingness to disentangle their definitions of these words. This muddling absolutely silences, endangers, and humiliates women in intimate and vulnerable spaces where the definition of sex (biological and immutable) matters, and gender (expression of arbitrary sex stereotypes) is irrelevant.
I have lost friends over this issue because I dared to voice my concerns and my doubts. It seems like the democrats I know, much like the ones who shouted at and abused you during your struggle session, would rather use their assumed moral superiority to bludgeon others into submission than honestly examine what they’re actually doing: giving women’s equity away to a few very special men. This is religious fervor like I haven’t seen it since the Bush era evangelicals, and it hurts democrats as a whole to call themselves the party of reason, science and evidence, and then say with their whole chests that some people are just born in the wrong body and must be corrected with hormones, surgery, and the participation of others in their catechism.
I support religious freedom up to the point where it affects others’ freedom to practice, or choose not to. As a woman and a mother, I have been affected by this issue, and I would consider myself to have defected from the Democratic Party over its senseless adherence to dodgy science and emotional conflation with other civil rights. Some very smug colleagues of yours really thought they had something when they compared this struggle to racial segregation; they are telling us all something very ugly about themselves. It’s amazing how the true bigots are revealed when they are all trying to out-virtue each other and secure their place on the so-called “right side of history.”
The right side of history is, was, and always has been the side that protects and advocates for women and children. Once their safety concerns are thrown aside to cater to any group of men (and for the purposes of clarity and practicality, I must consider transwomen a subset of men), social contracts and the trust we have in each other and our communities crumble.
The best among men understand why women need private spaces for intimate functions. Every time we use the restroom we must get partly undressed. Women take on caretaking roles for young children and the elderly at higher rates and are often charged with their protection throughout the day, making these private spaces even more crucial. The burden of proof for why we don’t deserve safe and fair sports, prisons, and crisis shelters should not be on us. It should be on the people trying to take those rights and protections away, and so far they have failed to make a compelling case. The closest they have come is changing their language to obfuscate their intentions, as when “women” actually means “females and some males,” or “gender” doesn’t mean “sex”, except when someone wants to falsify a legal document and it does.
I have come to believe that only the worst men feel that it is their human right to violate these protected spaces. Only the worst women feel justified in supporting them and enthusiastically giving away the rights and consent of their sisters. I believe that many of these democrats who are doubling down right now feel guilt for voting against legitimate civil rights struggles in the past and see trans issues as the logical extension of gay rights and voting equality. Strip away the flowery language of “affirmation” and “euphoria”, however, and you’re left with mental illness and narcissism run amok, elevating the preferences of a few over the safety and rights of half the population. We should not be deifying extreme and ruinous individuality at a point in history when stitching together a coherent concept of community might be the only thing that can save us.
I am not in New Hampshire. Sadly I am currently not one of your constituents. But I have endless respect for your composure and courage and will support your political ambitions any way I can. Thank you for listening to women. If you run for a higher office in the future, under any ticket, you have my vote.
Sincerely,
sylviasmushrooms
This is great!! I also wrote to Jonah to express my gratitude.
One of my concerns with losing Ovarit is not hearing about this stuff anymore. I really try to stay off Twitter and so here is where I would learn about my call to actions.
This is a great letter! Thank you for sharing it and inspiring others with your points.
I wanted to ask you about the issue of women's needing privacy in bathrooms. It's the one I have the hardest time effectively arguing, and I would appreciate your advice on how to respond. A common point is "Bathroom stalls have doors that lock. You aren't naked in front of anyone, so what's the big deal?"
If I point out that there are gaps between the door and walls which allow people to get a glimpse of the person within, the response tends to be a scoffing "Do you really think someone is going to stand there and peer in at you? No one is going to do that."
If I bring up hidden cameras to exploit these openings, the very thought is pooh-poohed, along with the possibility of fetishists listening in as we deal with bodily functions.
I can competently argue about sports, locker rooms, and sex differences, but the bathrooms are my weak point. Any advice?
Hello, thank you! I’ve found that when it comes to women’s private spaces like restrooms, less is more.
“Men don’t belong in the women’s restroom. There is no good reason for a male to be there, they have a restroom of their own.”
TRAs will argue until their face is as blue as their hair, getting pedantic about safety and statistics and hUmAn DiGnItY. Don’t get in the weeds with that even when you know you can win with facts. Stick to where this all should have ended.
“I am uncomfortable with males in intimate spaces, no matter how nice they are or how sad they are that they are male. I do not consent to be in any state of undress around males.”
This should always have been enough. Our conditioning to bend over backwards to make others happy at our own expense and discomfort got us here. It’s time to be unapologetic about our human right to privacy and dignity.
Years ago a local goth & gay club (shared space) "un-sexed" their bathrooms - they were open to either sex. Both rooms had those dodgy stalls with poor locks and huge spaces you could easily see through. Doors often didn't exactly stay closed. For a while, most people chastely looked away, minding their own business. But after a while some of the men figured out they could easily see what they wanted through those spaces around the doors. The last time I went to the club, I had a man just stare at me (I could see his face clearly) the whole time I used the toilet.
The good behavior does not last long (if there ever was any).
Wow.
Much more well written than what I sent to him before the struggle session.
I hope he gets a chance to read these emails of support. The mad barking from TRAs is tiresome, and they need to face consequences for their continued disruptions of progress for women.
Wonderful letter. Congrats on writing it. You should publish it on your substack. And perhaps write it as an op ed for your local newspapers. I did something similar with a letter I wrote to my representative, one who, unfortunately, was one of the bad, harmful, misogynist (as in, not listening to women's concerns) Dems, who did the usual blabbing about supporting the lgbTQ***** and didn't register anything I was saying.
There was also a Dem. woman politician from same town in NH as Jonah, who voted for the bill also, wasn't there? wonder why she isn't getting the same amount of attention. Or was she a Republican?
She may have decided to lay low because as we all know, women get way more harassment if we speak up in any way
Very well said! I wrote to him too, but my email was shorter and didn’t touch on all the great points that you included. I really admire his integrity and bravery.
So I finally did it, I stopped admiring and actually wrote in. I didn’t use my real name but the one I publish under, and I plan to share this letter on my Substack at a later date.
I shouldn’t be blown away by a democrat who is actually speaking logic and sweet reason, but I would go three rounds with Imane Khelif for this guy. It takes so much conviction and courage to stand up to the mob, and it’s refreshing to see that from the side I really want to love but have struggled to, lately.
Even if you’re not a NH constituent, please consider sending him your support. I think it goes a long way when you’re fighting your own side in a lonely battle where those supporting you are largely silent.
Good letter, and thanks for the reminder! It’s something I wanted to do right away, but sometimes need another nudge.