I tagged this as a rant, but it's not really a rant. More of a musing.

Unlike many Ovarit posters, I do not live in a trans-heavy area. I'm in a red city in a very red state, so although I have seen encroaching signs of gender ideology in my community, it is much less pronounced here than it would be someplace like Seattle or San Francisco.

As such, I have not had extensive encounters with trans-identified individuals in person. My contact has been limited to brief retail interactions, mostly at one local drive-through. So while I've talked and debated with them for years online, my real-world experience has been virtually nil.

That all changed when I had the unexpected experience of socializing with a trans-identified woman. I'll be purposely vague in case she reads this, but it was a "friend of a friend" situation. It was me, my partner, his friend, and the friend's friend. We ended up hanging out and going out to dinner.

I did not know that she was trans-identified until the day of our meeting, but my partner was told that she is "non-binary" and uses "they/them" pronouns, and that information was relayed to me. My first reaction was to feel dismayed. I really didn't want to be in some awkward situation where I was going to have to avoid pronouns, and I certainly did not want her assuming that I was also trans-identified and asking me for my pronouns.

Luckily my partner and I arrived separately. He got there first, and I made sure to tell him to refer to me as "she" in front of this woman, so she would hopefully realize that I was female and not pretending otherwise. It must have worked, because thank God she did not ask me for pronouns or say anything that hinted that she thought I was transgender.

My first impression of this woman is that she, like the "enbies" I've seen online, was so much more feminine than I could ever even pretend to be. It's kind of crazy how they all seem to have the same look, but there she was with her short, asymmetrical haircut, piercings, and clothing that, while vaguely gender neutral, was not actual men's clothing. She was not on testosterone (thank God), but she was either binding or had had a double mastectomy. I suspect a mastectomy, since her chest seemed perfectly flat.

She still had her female name, which surprised me. And it was a very feminine name, too, like Isabel or Emily, not something that could have passed for male. It was hard to tell exactly how old she was, but definitely late 20s or early 30s. I got the impression that she was older than I am. She has an established career and apparently an established (male) partner, so she was no confused college kid.

I don't know how she ended up believing that she was non-female. While it would have been interesting to find out, I was more concerned with avoiding a scene. I didn't want to get into trans politics at dinner. If it came up, I was certainly not going to lie. But since she was just visiting my city, there were other things to talk about. Food, travel plans, and other safe topics.

My main impression of her is that she was friendly, but she also seemed very immature. Just her brand of humor, I suppose. Her demeanor made her seem younger than her age. She also had some items with her (I won't be specific so that she doesn't recognize herself) that hinted at arrested development. It was something that would have been more appropriate for a teenage girl.

My main takeaway from the evening is how being around trans-identified people is like walking on eggshells. You're either consciously avoiding pronouns or (if you're going to play along like her friend was), consciously speaking slowly to use "they" in lieu of her correct pronouns. You could tell he was trying his best to be a good ally in front of her, but he also referred to her as "she" behind her back.

Which is just more evidence that no one truly believes the "enbies" when they say they are magically sexless. He told us that she was one of his closest, oldest friends. He wants to be kind to her, but he clearly knows that she's a woman, even if he's willing to pretend that she's not. I'm sure she would be devastated to find out that her friend was misgendering her behind her back, but this is the reality. You can't escape from womanhood with a haircut and a mastectomy.

My other takeaway is that trans identification really divides women from one another. This is a woman that, on the surface, I could have had something in common with. We are both GNC with male partners. We may have had some of the same life experiences, but since she thinks she's not a woman, we would never have been able to connect on that level.

The whole night I was torn between my general desire to be friendly, being worried that I would offend her, and also feeling offended myself that she thinks she's so much better than I am because she's a "non-woman." I didn't want to grey rock her like some people suggest because I don't like to be a dick to people. She was a total stranger. I like to judge people on their individual actions, not whatever category they may be part of.

TLDR: I spent an awkward evening with a "non-binary" woman. It went fine, but I was left very sad about her situation and how gender ideology has harmed GNC women.