Long time reader first time poster. Usually I just lurk and appreciate everyone's insights, but I've become so fed up with my situation at my work that I feel like I need to reach out for some commiseration. I welcome any commiseration at all, because I simply have no one in my life I can complain to about this!

I recently started my dream job (male-dominated STEM field). When I got my first glance at my team of colleagues, I was super psyched to see that they were mostly women. I was excited to skip a lot of the BS that comes with working with men and I was hopeful that I could connect with the other women over our shared experiences and struggles. I was SO PUMPED to be in a high-level environment with other women who were proud of who they were and how far they had come.

...Instead, it turns out that half of the women on my team actually identify as non binary. They/them pronouns, insisting that they aren't female/women, the whole nine yards. One of these poor women is clearly on testosterone, with the end result of her voice being destroyed and her suffering from a myriad of health issues. Another becomes incredibly offended at any hint of being referred to as a woman - god forbid I say "I'm grabbing lunch with the gals" or complement her as a "jill of all trades", and so on. I've actually been chastised by her for my word choices along those lines.

Infuriatingly, there's also a non binary identified male on my team. He's just...a guy. He's just a man. And although he likes to pretend that he's somehow different than any other man, he sure acts like a man when he tries to speak over me or question my judgement on a topic he knows nothing about. And I can't even call him out on it, because he's ~not a man~. I even have tiptoe around and make sure to use his preferred pronouns...or else. I try to rebel silently by just using his name or dancing around using his special pronouns, but honestly I just end up avoiding taking about him at all. (Some additional background: he's terrible at his job and truly I think that if he wasn't a gender special, he would have been fired a long time ago).

These are just a few examples of the bullshittery in my workplace, goodness knows I have more. The pervasive atmosphere of _gender and gender expectations in my "proudly queer" team is sapping my energy. For christ's sake, some of my coworkers joke that I am actually a man because I have traditionally "masculine" hobbies. Who even says things like that?? It's like I walk from one reality into another when I cross the door into work every day.

Besides the crushing disappointment about this being the work environment I am stuck in...Holy hell it is so irritating to have work conversations about complex topics, while also having to keep one part of my mind reserved to keep track of everyone's special pronouns. What a waste of brain space!

All this rabid trans/non-binary stuff in my workplace should really should come as no surprise to me, considering my job is academia-adjacent, but my god is it disappointing. My only saving grace is that there are no TIM employees (yet...).

I am mostly irritated and confused. Don't these interesting, powerful, intelligent women want to be proud of themselves for who they are? Don't they want to be a proud role model for little girls, to show them that even though they will face struggles and sexism, they can achieve their dreams? Also, these women all have diverse and cool hobbies and interests! Don't they want to make it clear that they can play with chainsaws, lasso cattle, climb mountains, AND be a woman? It completely baffles me.

Someone stop me from ranting any further lol. I could go on and on, but this post is long enough as it is. I just needed to vent, as I have no one to safely vent to about this IRL and I certainly can't make any waves at work. I'm just looking for some sympathy and similar stories, cause I feel like I'm taking crazy pills sometimes!