I sort of understand why midwives and HCPs would concede to using terms like "front hole." After all, you want patients to feel comfortable accessing medical care, so why not? Especially during pregnancy and delivery. Women who prefer the term vagina can request that, and women dudeblokes who prefer the term front hole can request that. Saying vagina will make them feel "unsafe." What's the problem?

The problem is that "making trans people feel comfortable accessing care" usually means giving them whatever they ask, despite material reality. No honest doctor would think it's a good idea to pummel your body with artificial testosterone and then get pregnant. Even if you feel "unsafe" hearing that you are literally unsafe doing it. We don't know the long term effects of these drugs and what we're finding out is not good.

The trouble with unclear, unreal newspeak is that any HCP has to beat the Stroop Effect while talking to a TIF. So rather than focus on giving detailed explanations in laymen's terms, which is hard enough, the HCP also has to carefully avoid violating the newspeak. Trans identified people also concentrate on looking out for violations of the newspeak, rather than concentrating crucial information they're being told. So both parties are multi-tasking during this important session of communication.

Pretending a TIF has body parts she doesn't have, or pretending she doesn't have ones that she does, actually fuzzes reality out even more. It's not just a code word. She's already unsure about what these treatments do and don't do. That's why she thinks there won't be so many bad side effects, or if there are, they're worth it. She's already not tethered to reality and as I found with the Dr. Rumer victim, chances are she has a poor understanding of how her body works. That could be her circulatory system, that could be her neurons, that could be her reproductive organs, whatever. If she is unaware that an early hysterectomy puts her at the front of the line for early dementia statistics, then she doesn't fully understand how her body works. And that's fine- lots of people are that way.

But you don't make it worse by blurring out reality even more by saying that her "front hole" is not a vagina. Or even just agreeing "we both know it's a vagina but that's a trigger word so we'll just use front hole" instead. It's just pushing her to be more mentally distant from her body at a time when she needs to be in close touch with it. She's also going through the Stroop Effect. And she's focusing on divorcing herself from reality.

How does it affect me? Well, as the next patient, I have to deal with HCPs that are more mentally taxed than they ought to be. My time is wasted and considering I'm already stressed out, my energy is further drained by needless stupid questions about whether I want my vagina called a front hole or white girl coochie or a vagina. To make it fair for everybody, TIFs are the default, and I have to answer gender identity questions, too. It's not on the TIF to show up with a list of demands, because that's "othering." When I'm feeling nauseated with morning sickness from an unexpected pregnancy, I need to do my part for the TIF so that she doesn't have to do all that "emotional labor" on her own. If I express that I want to skip the gender ritual, I'm a bigot. Again, when I'm already dealing with physical problems, that result in emotional ones. The HCP is also now trained to be reticent in telling the truth, because the TIF won't have it. The HCP s more concerned with gender etiquette and that's taking up space in her or his thinking. These little brain farts distract from a proper flow of information exchange. Furthermore, as the patient, I don't always know what to ask. So during the brief time I have with my HCP, I need her or him to be alert to ACTUAL stuff I need to know. If I only have 20 minutes, I can't have five of them squandered of the Genderbread Person Questionnaire.

And then there's the problem of misogyny in women's healthcare. I'm not only talking OB/GYNs, here. I'm sorry to say that I've also come across crappy midwives. There's a long history where the only goal was to ensure that the father's offspring were delivered safely, and the survival of the mother was a bonus. Good treatment of her was not even necessary and entirely dependent on her rank, the father's protectiveness of her, or the HCP's mood. That goes on to this day and I've experienced it first hand.

Considering how common misogyny is, allowing disrespectful terms like "front hole" has a subconscious effect on HCPs. It's already usually an uphill battle to get them to respect the female body, let alone honor it. And the TIF is sending a powerful message that her groaning and crying is to be viewed differently than that of other women's during delivery. Her experience may look the same, but t's actually quite different from those crappy girls. Hers is that of a man's, and therefore, to be treated with more deference. "However you treat women, make sure it's not how you treat ME!" A TIF could get indignant with that accusation and vehemently insist that she believes all "birth givers" should be treated with respect. But if she's insisting that her body and her process must be viewed differently than mine, then she's not. If she's denying the reality that pregnancy and birth are the driving force behind women's exploitation worldwide, she is not advocating for anything more than courtesy. Courtesy is superficial.

I need HCPs to sincerely view the human body as important, and as a woman I need them to view female bodies with reverence. For the lurking MRAs yes doctors focusing on men's issues should truly value the male body there take a deep breath.

I can't have doctors feeling flippant towards the very body parts they need to protect. Otherwise you get guys like this https://www.tiktok.com/@therealdrmiami/video/7073973247431216426?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1

(NSFW lyrics)

Gender surgeons already show great disrespect to bodies and take advantage of people's ignorance in the process. I can't have them comfortable with calling the vagina stupid names. Even if it's really, really important to a TIF. "I hate women's bodies and I need you to hate them right along with me, mmmmkay?" That has an effect on me, too.

No, it is not realistic to expect that HCP to keep it only to you and to have none of that nonsense leak out onto me.