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So for those of you who don't know, my husband has a child from a previous marriage. She is a TIF and has been identified as such for several years. No transitioning beyond social (a small win, I guess) and has been dating other women.

That is, up until recently.

Now, she is going to be moving in with a TIM. A TIM who has up until probably about 6 months ago been a very stereotypical male. Now, he has a half shaved head, wears makeup, and is in a "lesbian"(or "queer", honestly I'm old and can't keep up) relationship with my stepdaughter.

I immediately clocked this dude as male, but he's using that weird soft-focused filter that they use and so I did a little internet stalking to be sure. Yup, that's a MAN baby.

My tiny baby Radfem hackles got up and I have yet again reached peak trans.

How the hell can someone engage in the mental gymnastics of being in a heterosexual relationship as a "trans" couple and still not see that you're just going to be trapped in yet another shitty relationship with a mentally unstable male (this isn't her first go-around with a less than upstanding guy. Stepdaughter came out as bisexual at 15) who is more likely than not going to use and abuse you? I'm not so low key annoyed and disappointed.

I've been supportive of my husband's daughter in all her choices, whether or not I agree with them. I've pointed out the folly, gently, of her trains of thought regarding trans logic. I've put up with the alienation that came after she turned 18. And if she ends up pregnant, I'll not be surprised.

She's ordinarily a bright kid. Used to be very independent and didn't care what anyone thought. Since getting swept up in this trans cult, though, she's made a lot of really poor decisions and while I made my own fair share of stupid decisions at that age, I can safely say I made it out relatively unscathed.

I just hope for the best. I don't want her to get hurt, but her life is hard to watch. I've cringed for a good 5 years now.

At least I have my feminism, right?

So for those of you who don't know, my husband has a child from a previous marriage. She is a TIF and has been identified as such for several years. No transitioning beyond social (a small win, I guess) and has been dating other women. That is, up until recently. Now, she is going to be moving in with a TIM. A TIM who has up until probably about 6 months ago been a *very* stereotypical male. Now, he has a half shaved head, wears makeup, and is in a "lesbian"(or "queer", honestly I'm old and can't keep up) relationship with my stepdaughter. I immediately clocked this dude as male, but he's using that weird soft-focused filter that they use and so I did a little internet stalking to be sure. Yup, that's a MAN baby. My tiny baby Radfem hackles got up and I have yet again reached peak trans. How the *hell* can someone engage in the mental gymnastics of being in a heterosexual relationship as a "trans" couple and still not see that you're just going to be trapped in yet another shitty relationship with a mentally unstable male (this isn't her first go-around with a less than upstanding guy. Stepdaughter came out as bisexual at 15) who is more likely than not going to use and abuse you? I'm not so low key annoyed and disappointed. I've been supportive of my husband's daughter in all her choices, whether or not I agree with them. I've pointed out the folly, gently, of her trains of thought regarding trans logic. I've put up with the alienation that came after she turned 18. And if she ends up pregnant, I'll not be surprised. She's ordinarily a bright kid. Used to be very independent and didn't care what anyone thought. Since getting swept up in this trans cult, though, she's made a lot of really poor decisions and while I made my own fair share of stupid decisions at that age, I can safely say I made it out relatively unscathed. I just hope for the best. I don't want her to get hurt, but her life is hard to watch. I've cringed for a good 5 years now. At least I have my feminism, right?

35 comments

[–] TheRoyalJesterf 41 points (+41|-0)

Peaking multiple times is not uncommon when the mountain of bullshit they spew keeps getting higher and higher. There is alllllways a higher peak to be discovered.

Has your stepdaughter been checked out for ADHD or autism? I feel like the "formerly gifted but then suddenly does crazy shit as soon as they get a modicum of freedom and no longer have the structure of school" pattern is pretty common among neurodivergent women and girls.

[+] [Deleted] 14 points (+14|-0)
[+] [Deleted] 6 points (+6|-0)
[–] Fpccgc 19 points (+19|-0)

Don’t know how anyone could be sexually attracted to a man like that.

[–] Mafalda 18 points (+18|-0)

I think they use guilt and coercion to he honest.

[–] [Deleted] 10 points (+10|-0)

I think so too. She's got the whole "my family doesn't understand me" vibe going, so this dude is likely preying on that.

[–] yikesforever 9 points (+9|-0)

Once you believe men can be women and lesbians, anything is possible, lmao

[–] vauqueline 9 points (+9|-0)

It's less about attraction and more about vulnerability, self-hate and validation.

[–] [Deleted] 7 points (+7|-0)

I can't even begin to do those mental gymnastics. I guess my unwoke lady brain just isn't nimble enough to comprehend it.

[–] yikesforever 17 points (+17|-0)

lol, I think it's a like a mountain range, not just one mountain. You follow along the ridge and constantly get to peaks, lmao.

[–] Mafalda 13 points (+13|-0)

The only thing you can do is be there when she needs help, with the boundary that you aren’t bailing the TiM out of trouble but will support her.

[–] [Deleted] 11 points (+11|-0)

I love her to pieces, but I'm not gonna bail out some dude. I don't trust men in general, but I sure don't trust a dude she probably met on the internet and is masquerading as a woman.

[–] Mafalda 7 points (+7|-0)

I had to put that boundary up with one of my children - embarrassed to say it took me a while. I really should have spoken up early on that a couch surfing able bodies man in his 20s had no excuse to not have SOME kind of job. I resisted because my daughter accused me of being racially biased but after he took such advantage of my generosity I put my foot down. It took her a while of him bleeding her dry when she was working multiple jobs before she ended it. What is up with these young men who don’t work and expect their girlfriends to be money train? And MRAs can miss me with that “equality” business, it’s not at all the same as a SAHM.

[–] Hermione 3 points (+3|-0)

Dammit, my post disappeared. I wish I could find the article covering conservative men trying to “improve their messaging” with women because so many women rejected their policies it must have been that the women didn’t understand the situation.

They covered single mothers often not having a man in their house, even if unemployed. They must not have appreciated that that man could improve her life and the lives of her children through assisting in childcare and taking care of the household, etc.

My dad actually was thinking they made a good point until I hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper to point out that in general men aren’t doing that. If they were, then maybe more working mothers would “appreciate” having the man around, but most often they do jack shit to help with the kids, often abuse them, and just sponge off the mother or interrupt her trying to get shit done because they want attention.

I’ve met a few of these guys, and I tell you, they’ve are just financial black holes for their girlfriends.

I don’t plan to be controlling of my daughter, but if she ever dates a guy who is chronically unemployed, makes a lot less money than her and isn’t trying to improve himself by job hunting, I will make it my mission in life to see him gone.

[–] [Deleted] 10 points (+10|-0)

Also, sorry if this post is in the wrong circle. I wasn't sure if it belonged here or in the Women circle, but once I got started typing I just sort of lost control of my fingers and let the thoughts fly.

[–] wildpansy 7 points (+7|-0)

It's the struggle of truly caring about someone, you're conflicted between trying to respect their free will to make their own decisions and trying to let them know their decisions are bad for them without driving them away. This is most prominent with women, because predatory men are everywhere. So inevitably most people will have known and cared for at least one woman who's allowed an abusive male into her life. It's such a difficult situation and being written off as transphobic when you try to help makes it so much worse. I unfortunately have no answers for you. All you can do is give them information and hope they end up drawing the right conclusions. Right being what's best for them of course, not necessarily something you completely agree with yourself - it's good to keep that in mind as well.

[–] yesisaiditxx 5 points (+5|-0)

Oh those couples are the worst! How out of touch do you have to be to be a man and a woman f***** each other PENIS IN VAGINA but go through mental gymnastics as to how it’s “queer” sex...

And what goes on in the brain and in the bedroom when you’re a “man” getting penetrated by a “woman” with a penis? I shudder.

[–] NewMa 3 points (+3|-0)

Good luck out there. It's a tough time to care about someone who has the woowoo.

[–] Amareldys 3 points (+3|-0)

I'm sorry. That sucks.

Odds are high she will come through it though.

[–] [Deleted] 1 points (+1|-0)

Hopefully unscathed. I worry if she does have body dysmorphia and is coerced into doing something that she isn't comfortable with but what can ya do?

[–] Luckystar 1 points (+1|-0)

The TiM and TiF pairing is actually quite common. Off the top of my head...

-The leader of Trans Black Lives Matter (Cherno Biko) is a TiM that raped a TiF, saying he wanted her to bear his "black non binary babies", failed to do the bare minimum responsibility of paying for the TiF's related medical fees, and even posted a blog post openly admitting to this. Receipts

-Eli Erlick, another prominent extremist transactivist and TiM is also a known rapist and abuser. Receipts from one of his victims, a non binary identifying young woman.

-I'm not sure if there are receipts anywhere, but Berkeley professor Grace Lavery is a TiM married to a TiF and he gives off super bad predatory vibes to me so I wouldn't be surprised if something comes out.

I think it's common for TiMs and TiFs to date considering they tend to end up in the same social circles and also that most non-trans people are not really willing to date trans people. I think it's one of the most volatile and dangerous types of relationships specifically because both parties are fully engrossed in gender ideology, and it's easy for a predatory, rape-y TiM to DARVO/gaslight the hell out of the TiF by claiming she has "male privilege" over him.

Obligatory disclaimer I'm not saying every time a TiM and a TiF date that the TiM is an abuser. It's more of an observable pattern that is worth being cautious about, akin to how not every white man who exclusively dates Asian women is an alt right shitstain, and not every much older man who dates much younger women is a controlling bastard, but the patterns are definitely there to the point that it's not unreasonable to keep an alert out for possible abusive patterns.

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