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Serious DiscussionMental health struggles: let's talk about it
Alright, this is kinda hard for me to write. I don't like talking about difficult subjects like this because I feel like I'm imposing and bringing down everyone's morale, but I want to find other lesbians who struggle with this because so much C/PTSD stuff is focused on the bi/hetero perspective.
So. Err. Yeah. Hello, how is everyone? Enjoying your day? Currently in the middle of life-changing crisis? Relationship issues? Wondering if you're too damaged to ever be able to be good for someone? Let's talk about this for once. I'll go first:
I wonder if I'm incapable of love. Nothing I feel or do seems to correspond to what others describe, and I feel so lost and so bad at seeing things clearly, like there's a constant deforming lens in front of my eyes and I have to swipe it away every 2 seconds because it just keeps coming back. I am so utterly sick of being a fearful and defensive mess of a human who refuses to love and be loved in return because I was gaslit into equating love with hate and abuse.
So yeah. My girlfriend told me she loved me and I have been going insane ever since. I try really hard to focus on positive thoughts but damn it, sometimes I just need to scream out the overwhelming negative thoughts that plague me.
Okay okay, I'm done. Please feel free to let out all of your worries and negative thoughts here, I really need to feel less alone in this 🥲
I struggle with phone addiction LOL
I swear I don't know where I'm wasting all my time...I don't remember which YouTube videos I've seen, I don't have any other social media and I barely write one comment a day anyway
I know the damage it does messing up your brain chemicals so you're even less inclined to do things you actually love, like drawing...but the desk is a mess and I can't stick to my low energy schedule of just one task it pisses me off, because I do remember when I was diligent and had an healthy productive schedule
Then I try to sweet talk to me and take it easy because it's pre period time, but it makes me spiral even more because I realise I basically have just one functional week the whole month as a female
I guess failing a thing when it did matter and I knew how to, and the shitty situation at home out of my control, contributes to my low mood but yeah, I want to work more on my willpower and discipline and be healthy...same old goals
I relate to this a lot. I have hobbies I WANT to do but end up killing time with pointless stuff constantly; phone or youtube or who knows what. Feels like whenever I finish a period I get a burst of energy and motivation and have all these plans that "this will be the month I do XYZ" buuut nope, after a week or so that willpower and discipline starts dropping off again.
I hear you, I've had periods of time where I had super low energy too and I felt like I was wasting my life away. Sometimes I would need a complete reset via taking holidays and leaving everything behind for a few days.
It helps when I remind myself that nothing is forever, not even low mood or unhappiness.
I hope things improve for you, CPTSD is a lot, yes. I deal with it too. Hope to get over it soon completely!
It really is 💀 I hate the yo-yoing and unpredictability of it. One second I'm fine and the next some insignificant thing that I'm not even aware is a trigger happens and my brain goes "actually fuck that. Fuck that person. Fuck everything" and it's so wild how it affects even my perception like smells and literally the way I see things and stuff. My therapist gently told me "that sounds like PTSD" months ago and I'm only now starting to realise that, yeah, it does. I used to think I was just "difficult to please" or something 🤡
Good luck on your journey too, even though it's not really luck we need but... You get the sentiment 🤝😂
Thanks - I hope I get there soon. I don't want to hear it's about the journey anymore. I've been on this journey for decades 😢.
The recovery isn't linear, no. You'll make progress and then find another setback. So many layers..
If you have a therapist you trust that's at least a good level to be at. It took me years to trust anyone at all including a therapist. I wish you all the best too, be well xo
I just had the best two weeks of my life and now I’m struggling to adjust. I miss the person I spent a bunch of time with. I miss the fun and adventure. I’m realizing I need to do something to make my every day better… I go to the gym and do work and read and socialize at least once a week but I need more. I just don’t know what quite yet.
I get what you mean. I’m very isolated and barely leave my home due to my disabilities, so my mental health tanked to the point where I thought I’d never be able to feel happiness again.
Then this past weekend I went out into the sunlight to hang out with a friend and do some fun stuff and it made me feel so happy. The feeling is still lingering, though sadly it won’t last. It reaffirmed that a big part of my depression (outside of my physical issues) is coming from isolation/loneliness and lack of sunlight/vitamin D.
I struggle with getting older and not fitting in as a lesbian. I have always wanted to help people and try to but I feel like I’ve never found my tribe and I wasted too many years on people or causes that didn’t care about me