Mental health struggles: let's talk about it

Serious DiscussionMental health struggles: let's talk about it

Posted April 16, 2024 by Destresse in Lesbians

Alright, this is kinda hard for me to write. I don't like talking about difficult subjects like this because I feel like I'm imposing and bringing down everyone's morale, but I want to find other lesbians who struggle with this because so much C/PTSD stuff is focused on the bi/hetero perspective.

So. Err. Yeah. Hello, how is everyone? Enjoying your day? Currently in the middle of life-changing crisis? Relationship issues? Wondering if you're too damaged to ever be able to be good for someone? Let's talk about this for once. I'll go first:

I wonder if I'm incapable of love. Nothing I feel or do seems to correspond to what others describe, and I feel so lost and so bad at seeing things clearly, like there's a constant deforming lens in front of my eyes and I have to swipe it away every 2 seconds because it just keeps coming back. I am so utterly sick of being a fearful and defensive mess of a human who refuses to love and be loved in return because I was gaslit into equating love with hate and abuse.

So yeah. My girlfriend told me she loved me and I have been going insane ever since. I try really hard to focus on positive thoughts but damn it, sometimes I just need to scream out the overwhelming negative thoughts that plague me.

Okay okay, I'm done. Please feel free to let out all of your worries and negative thoughts here, I really need to feel less alone in this 🥲

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Seekingcriticalthink

April 17, 2024

I hope things improve for you, CPTSD is a lot, yes. I deal with it too. Hope to get over it soon completely!

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Destresse [OP]

April 17, 2024

It really is 💀 I hate the yo-yoing and unpredictability of it. One second I'm fine and the next some insignificant thing that I'm not even aware is a trigger happens and my brain goes "actually fuck that. Fuck that person. Fuck everything" and it's so wild how it affects even my perception like smells and literally the way I see things and stuff. My therapist gently told me "that sounds like PTSD" months ago and I'm only now starting to realise that, yeah, it does. I used to think I was just "difficult to please" or something 🤡

Good luck on your journey too, even though it's not really luck we need but... You get the sentiment 🤝😂

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Seekingcriticalthink

April 18, 2024

Thanks - I hope I get there soon. I don't want to hear it's about the journey anymore. I've been on this journey for decades 😢.

The recovery isn't linear, no. You'll make progress and then find another setback. So many layers..

If you have a therapist you trust that's at least a good level to be at. It took me years to trust anyone at all including a therapist. I wish you all the best too, be well xo

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Posted April 16, 2024 by Destresse

Score: 13

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