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SufferingSuffragetteFebruary 4, 2025
I don't know how much traction this will get but my first serious girlfriend in high school had poly parents and literally had two moms and one dad her whole life. I saw
- actual 'collaring' of the second wife and her being made to kneel in front of the husband on a regular basis. Think during family meals and during family movie nights. She was kneeling a lot of the time. Not 100% but enough that it was fucking awkward.
- her father and both wives would have family meeting sit down things where everyone was mandated to be there, including the fuck buddies of the week. So the kids (two girls at the time one was sixteen and .y girlfriend and I were fourteen. Yes I was included.) would hear about their parents and all their partners sex lives, plans for outings to orgy's, misgivings and miscommunications between the myriad of fuckbuddies.
- her parents being blase about their own sex lives but when they found out me and my girlfriend were having sex they wigged and we were chaperoned the entire year after that until we broke up when she went to college.
There's more I know but it's hard to just set it there. If anyone has any questions I was a huge part of that family for five years and part of the reason I'm against polyamory, porn, prostitution and basically who I am today is because of the horrors they showed me.
It's interesting to note that the ex girlfriend completely drank the Kool aid and now she's a 'sex worker' submissive who lets men older than her father whip her and put clothespins on her breasts for money. She doesn't believe porn is detrimental to children and now calls me a prude to our old friends. I always figured she'd wake up but she's twenty six and hasn't.
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 5, 2025
This is sad and creepy. I think only childfree people (or people with adult children who are outside of their home) should be poly.
nomenarewomenFebruary 3, 2025
I will happily be a hater with you on this. Being unable to commit to a stable relationship with one person is not a flex, and it’s abusive where children are involved.
legopantsFebruary 6, 2025
There was a reddit story where the children's parents who were "Poly"/"open relationship" we're going to be in a documentary about it and they wanted to interview the child to show you can be a family and have kids and still be poly or open.
The child absolutely refused and it started a huge problem with the parents because the reason they didn't want to go on sharing how they had a normal childhood is because they DIDN'T have one due to parents revolving door of partners, the pda , the choosing a new hook up over the child on multiple occasions, and the kid talked on and on about how unhappy they were because of their parents multiple partner lifestyle.
It's either 1) hurting a kid like that 2) ending with murder or some other big tragedy or 3) a man jealous of the woman getting so much attention and not him
I've noticed that polyamorists can't even maintain real friendships. They're always looking either to fuck someone or that person's SO.
norravargFebruary 4, 2025
So we rented our house to this nice couple with a 4-year old boy. The wife was a photographer, and my husband, in looking through her Instagram, spotted some... suspicious hashtags. He started noticing some strange things when stopping by the house to shovel/fix the bathtub, etc. Always a different car around.
Fast forward a bit and he's at soccer practise, and tells one of his teammates about how he suspects our tenants are strange poly people, at the SAME time that the friend tells him how he suspects his neighbours are strange poly people. Turns out they're talking about the same people, and that teammate lived beside the house we were renting to the poly-people.
Apparently the dude had just an endless parade of different women coming to the house, and everyone in the neighbourhood had noticed, and the whole thing was just weird. Sometimes there would be like 4 or 5 cars here.
I feel really bad for their kid, especially since he was bringing all these people back to the house all the time. Aghhh poor little guy. :(
vulvapeopleFebruary 4, 2025
At least he's bringing over women. I worry about kids in situations where there are strange men coming and going.
norravargFebruary 4, 2025
No reason to think the wife wasn't bringing over men as well, unfortunately. It just so happens that the neighbour noticed women coming and going. Ughhh so gross. :/
AnnieBanannyFebruary 4, 2025
Yeah, my SO’s half brother is poly, and can’t wait to tell everyone about it all the time. We were eating birthday dinner for my SO at his grandma’s house with his mom, grandma, and half brother’s main partner, and half brother’s 11 year old girl.
Half brother proceeds to bring up burlesque at the dinner table. What a loser. My SO and I bite our tongues as the conversation fizzles.
Later, half brother is showing partner pictures of Henry Cavill, saying out loud “oh you think he’s hot, you like older men?” I didn’t consent to being involved in your sex life, dude, and your KID AND MOM AND GRANDMA ARE HERE
You should have seen how quickly half brother deflated when I said “oh he (Henry Cavill) is way too obsessed with Warhammer40k. He’s not hot, that’s maidenless behavior”
The funniest part is I was just kidding around, I literally met my SO at a game store. But this exhibitionist abuser weirdo’s obvious fetishistic obsession with Cavill was idiotic. Maidenless, I said. Their mom loved my quip, kept going “maidenless, you’re so funny.” Half brother looked like he wanted to die.
Good, you won’t be abusing your kid by including her in your poly kink on my watch.
pennygadgetFebruary 3, 2025
The children are where I draw the line as well. I can understand that some people just aren't good at monogamy. And, if they're honest with their partners about it (and not luring them into a monogamous relationship before springing the poly trap), than that's their business. But bringing children into a poly arrangement is insanely dangerous and selfish
CattitudeFebruary 3, 2025
Sign me up as a hater, too. "Poly" is the wanky hipster name for men having harems.
Feminist_UsernameFebruary 4, 2025
Or my friend hooking up with her 110th guy like "why are there no keepers" 🤦♀️
IdentifyAsTiredFebruary 3, 2025
I'm with you. Everyone I've ever known who was poly made it their entire personality. Literally all they'd talk about was sex and their convoluted life arrangements.
pennygadgetFebruary 3, 2025
One of my best buddies from high school fell into the poly cult. And yes, it did become his entire goddam personality. He never missed an opportunity to whine about how oppressed he is because his cousin sent him a wedding invitation that said "bring a plus one" instead of "bring everyone you're currently fucking" or whatever. 🙄
OneStarWolfFebruary 3, 2025
"bring a plus one" instead of "bring everyone you're currently fucking" or whatever.
LOL. Oh, the absolute oppresion!
hard_headed_womanFebruary 4, 2025
Oh, my goodness, I haven't even thought about invitations and such. A wedding? Company party? Going out with friends as couples? Yuck.
pennygadgetFebruary 4, 2025
I swear to God, he considered going to HR when his work only let him bring one fuck-buddy to a company event! Thankfully, he had enough brain cells left not to do it. 🤣
atomic_brunetteFebruary 4, 2025
It sounds like he's on a trajectory that will get him fired. People whose whole personality is their sexual "kinks" (fetishes) tend to start saying wildly inappropriate things at work, or downright sexually harassing co-workers.
womantichristFebruary 4, 2025
Because couples have an unlimited budget to allow anyone to bring whoever they want. Or should that just be a special privilege for poly people?
Carrots90February 4, 2025
Yea. Revolutionary. Men wanting a harem.
As revolutionary as Hugh Hefner claiming to ‘revolutionize sex’ by being a rich old gross guy with a harem of attractive, young, poorer women
My favorite is
The only thing that has changed about poly in human history is that
-the women are no longer given financial stability or resources. Just sex, which we can all get anyway
-the men are no longer top providers or even non-losers
pennygadgetFebruary 4, 2025
The only thing that has changed about poly in human history is that
-the women are no longer given financial stability or resources. Just sex, which we can all get anyway
-the men are no longer top providers or even non-losers
OMG this is so true. There is literally zero advantages for women in polyamory. Most poly guys won't even pay for dinner or for your uber ride to their nerd cave. And the sex is probably gross and unsatisfying
Carrots90February 4, 2025
And smelly
Don’t think for a second he changes the sheets between polymers, or whatever they call themselves
LillithFebruary 4, 2025
What!? They dont even pay for dates?
The audacity. Cuz let's face it, slut shaming is still a thing. If a woman is in a relationship with a married man that's neutral at best, but most likely its not going to be a good look for her in many social circles. And she doesn't even get dinner out of this arrangement.
[Deleted]February 5, 2025
Poly is like sex work and surrogacy. As long as women are engaged in it, women will never be seen as equal, imo.
I despise polyamory. Besides, it's horrible for children, so that should be enough reason to hate it.
syntaxerrorFebruary 3, 2025
It’s so bad for kids. I don’t care what adults do in their free time provided everyone agrees, but once there’s kids, that becomes a different story.
LillithFebruary 3, 2025
I sympathize with the live and let live attitude, but none of us lives in a vacuum. What ppl do with their sexual lives is literally where babies come from. So I feel like it's hard to keep them separated unless the relations are homosexuel.
syntaxerrorFebruary 4, 2025
In theory, if they’re doubling up on birth control methods and are responsible they could avoid kids.
But we all know that that’s not how a lot of these people operate
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 4, 2025
How?? Women in polyamory also have multiple partners.
pennygadgetFebruary 4, 2025
Women in polyamory who collect male harems are a whole other kind of fucked up. 🤣
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 4, 2025
Polyamory is not harems. It is mostly relationships to varying degrees.
hard_headed_womanFebruary 4, 2025
Many more men than women have multiple partners. Or are we not supposed to count all the women stuck in these arrangements due to religion?
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 5, 2025
That isn't true. In poly women end up with more partners as men are less picky. It is actually all heterosexual men in the poly lifestyle talk about. LOL.
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 4, 2025
That isn't polyamory. You are talking about polygamy. In polyamory-- at least in the USA (outside of cults) it has an equal amount of women and men and women have multiple partners.
hard_headed_womanFebruary 4, 2025
Imo, polygamy is just a type of polyamory, and polyamory can be anything more than two. Polyamory has multiple configurations. For example: a) one man, three women b) one woman, three men c) two men, two women, d) three men e) three women and on and on. They may or may not all live together under one roof.
pellucidarFebruary 4, 2025
Polygamy is very different from a polyamorous man involved with n polyamorous women. For one thing, the poly women at least have the option of having their own sets of more male partners. Since polyamory tends to happen in non-Muslim countries, at most one of the women can have any legal status with regards to the man. The attitudes of everyone involved are completely alien to a polygamous tradition.
CattitudeFebruary 4, 2025
Don't the men often have the "one penis policy"?
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 4, 2025
Those are for bisexual women and they don't make up all/most of poly arrangements. Some heterosexual women are into poly. No offense, it seems ovarit is ignorant on poly given this thread but the last one about this topic. And before anyone assumes-- I am not involved or interested in being in a poly relationship.
CattitudeFebruary 4, 2025
So are you saying the men don't police who the heterosexual women sleep with? Aka other men?
bluetinfoilhatFebruary 5, 2025
No, that isn't how poly works. In some cases men/people don't know or meet your other partners.
Okay but I genuinely enjoy those posts where a man is sure his coworker wants to screw him, so he pressures his girlfriend or wife into "being poly," and then the coworker was just treating him like a human and has zero romantic interest and the girlfriend or wife has her phone blowing up from all the male interest and he gets to lie in the bed he made for himself and gets put in his place.
Never forget your "market value" fellas ;) never forget.
Also, shouldn't men realize by now that this is likely how it's going to go? After all, the internet these days is full of MRAs proclaiming that women "live life on easy mode" because they can supposedly get laid whenever and with whoever they choose.
By that logic, they should know that "opening up" their marriage will not go in their favor.
Men are also cursed with unwarranted self confidence. I suspect this is biological so they don't miss out on potential reproductive opportunities because nature favors males who overestimate their appeal. There's also that fun little habit of projection they have of assuming any woman who makes eye contact with them "wants it" because men only acknowledge women they're attracted to.
They also love to assume that their partner has no game or isn't even attracted to other men because women tend to respect the boundaries of their relationships so well. Sorry boys, we have eyes, and we have game, we just choose not to pursue anything else because many of us have integrity.
Okay, very good points. Makes sense.
The reality is women can get laid at a much higher rate than men. They want us more than we want them.
So, you have three scenarios that happen:
The rare dude with cult leader charisma who really can attract a harem.
Dudes who want to open up their marriages because they think that somehow they will be hot lotharios getting laid all of the time, and instead they lay in bed sad while their wives hookup with whoever they want. Eventually wife typically leaves to get in a monogamous relationship with a boyfriend who treats her better. Sad husband all alone.
Women who are groomed into poly from the internet, and social contagion. Often they have very low self-esteem and don't think they deserve the love of a partner who truly values them. This person typically is young and grows out of poly at a certain point, but it leaves a lot of damage. It's just another way for young people to do what they do, fuck and break each others' hearts, but the veneer of being "progressive" makes them feel they somehow are doing something wrong when they feel jealousy because they want real love.
Oh one more I forget:
Number two is my FAVORITE GENRE
It's seriously the most common one lol.
So many men play themselves.
Number 2 is pretty representative of what happened to me but I ended my marriage and took time to be alone BEFORE I met the boyfriend who treats me way better.
I'm so happy you are in a better situation now! It's fucked up how many women get caught up in poly relationships in an effort to try to save their relationships, you totally deserve someone who appreciates you for you and doesn't sit there and fantasize about sex with randos all the time and ruin a marriage because of it.
Yes, those stories make my day.
As do I