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RantCreep at the thrift store (CW sexual harassment and assault)
I went to my favorite thrift store. There were many others there, but the store is quite large so you could find yourself out of sight for a moment (there are security cameras though)
I was looking at one of the boxes of cassette tapes and realized I was kind of alone in that section. A man approached the cassette tapes two boxes away from mine. When I saw him I felt uneasy but ignored it. (Sigh.) He was rummaging through them, then he moved over to the box next to the one I was looking through, then he was at the box I was in.
In a split second, this happened in my brain:
First I thought, maybe he doesn't mean it. Then a harsher voice said, yes he does and you know it. This has happened before. Leave right now.
I turned away, took my cart, and left quickly to wherever there were people (wasn't far).
Walking off, I felt angry. I remembered the time I was at a party and was petting a cat. A man sat next to the cat, so the cat was between us. He didn't even try to fucking talk to me, which is what you do when you are interested in someone at a party. He put his hand on my hand that was petting the cat. I shoved his hand off mine without looking at him. He did it again. I got up and walked away. I kept going to the bathroom to wash my hand, I felt so disgusted. He kept approaching me but never talking, just trying to touch me in some way or another. (It occurred to me that he might be mute until I saw him talking to his friends. Not that it would be an excuse, it was just so bizarre that he didn't say one single word to me.)
I remembered one Wednesday morning when I was at the bus stop to go to uni. I was the only one at the stop. A man showed up, absolutely shitfaced. He didn't seem to notice me at first, but when he did, he was sort of talking to me like I was a prostitute, like, "how much?" and stuff like that. I completely ignored even when he got way too fucking close. I turned up the volume on my headphones and moved away with him following, getting more angry at me. The bus arrived and it was full, so I got on. He got on with me and now he was yelling at me. The passengers protected me, one man standing between me and him, and one woman who gestured me to sit next to her. He continued yelling things at me, I didn't understand all of it but I understood "whore" and the accusatory language. The bus stopped and the passengers kicked the man out of it. After that, most people just moved on from the ordeal, some people looked at me kindly... AND A FEW MEN LOOKED AT ME ANGRILY!
Nothing and nowhere is safe. Not a bus stop, a packed party, nor a god damn fucking thrift store. I hate when men claim that men in this place or that place are worse than them. No, all of them hate us. In all these stories, the men were complete fucking strangers. Never seen them before or after. There is no other explanation for their behavior than a deep hatred of women. There is no culture or country where men do not hate women, where men understand that women are not public or private property. Misogyny transcends culture and language.
Also, men and women alike are hostile when a woman makes a fuss.
In a Starbucks in Mexico once, I was sitting on one of the benches with my purse right next to me. Two men walk in and sit down, one on either side of me. Man on my left asks me some silly question, and I feel a rustling next to my right thigh.
Instantly I realize the one on the right is trying to steal my purse. It’s an old trick, he puts his jacket on top of it and then grabs the whole thing. Just as instantly, I shout, in Spanish, at the top of my lungs, Thief! Go away!
Nearly every customer there, Mexican and American, turned and glared at me.
The only exception was a waiter, who asked me to explain what happened and told me he would watch for those men the next time they might come in.
So many men do not care about boundaries or any social rules. I am autistic and from a young age, I've had it drilled into me when I'm intruding on people's boundaries, how you're not supposed to just randomly touch people unless you ask first, and it's not socially appropriate to say certain things or another (even when certain social things I did not understand, and often I was met with physical punishment).
I feel like so many men are either not taught these things at all (even if they don't have any disability like I do). I slip up here and there and I have a lot of anxiety over talking to people because I'm afraid of doing something wrong, but it's never something that I try to do on purpose or to make people uncomfortable. I have never felt entitled to people's spaces or time, it's always been the complete opposite.
I was sexually assaulted at a young age as well, and I've learned from a young age that many men just don't take no for an answer. And if you're firm about the no, they may just fully become violent or start threatening and cussing you out. Like when I started working in food service at 14, and men 30-40+ years my senior were hitting on me and asking me out when I was just trying to fucking do my job. Like when they sexually harassed me as I walked home from middle school. Like when I have been physically stalked in public places by men (and they made it very obvious when I started zigzagging around and trying to lose them and they kept following me behind the entire time and stand behind me).
But yet these same men claim there's nothing wrong with them, it's actually all on us women for not going along with their harassment. I can't imagine how so many men live in this completely ass-backwards world in their heads where they feel entitled to every woman they see, to our time, to our spaces (even to young, underaged girls!!). They seem to understand boundaries, but they just don't give a fuck about them. And that's somehow our problem, in their minds.
Some of them try to get around the whole "you need to ask" thing by asking you over a dozen times so they can pretend they asked, even though it was more like badgering. I had that happen to me with one autistic dude and the landlord, being the fuckhead he is, told me I should understand he has a disability. That shit didn't fly with me.
world in their heads where they feel entitled to every woman they see, to our time, to our spaces (even to young, underaged girls!!). They seem to understand boundaries, but they just don't give a fuck about them
Pretty much sums males up.
Actually a firm and rude 'no' will scare off most of these men, but not all. If they are going to get aggressive anyways, then it doesn't matter what you do. OP tried to ignore the guy at the busstop, but he got aggressive anyway. A loud, firm and rude 'no' is your best bet.
Predators are everywhere. I’d like to say you’ll age out of those kinds of scenes, but I can’t. They just get replaced with different ones. There’s less emphasis on sex but still all about dominance and power. Pushing limits.
I’m so sorry.
Ugh. I hate that we have to leave our spot for them.
It’s the right move, of course. our safety is more important than proving something to some a-hole, but still.
This is no shade on you, but this absolutely illustrates how conditioned women are to constantly give men the benefit of the doubt.