Rant Post from r/AskMen on men's issues

Do any of these men whining about feeling unvalued actually do anything of value for anyone else? Not even in a career-minded way, but just socially? Are they generous with their time and effort? Do they offer quality support? Furthermore, do they express their appreciation for the things of value other people do for them? The sheer number of women in the US right now who just spent weeks of planning and days of prep work assembling a feast for their families who weren't even thanked for it by their male relatives. And then cleaned up afterwards while those same male relatives relaxed. Hell, men who extend even a modicum of effort towards helping or even just acknowledging "women's work" tend to get doted on; there are people who practically throw them a parade for it.

Instead of putting the work in, they just complain that women are no longer being made as artificially dependent on them so they need to actually put in the effort to bring something real to the table instead of being praised just for showing up. And so many are so eager to find the 'solution' in stripping away our autonomy again to appease their feelings/egos.

Related, the thing that always kills me about men whining about not having the kinds of friendships women do is that's such a them-problem. We literally cannot help them with that. No one can just give them that. "Society" or 'the government' can't just give them that. The thing standing in their way is their own behavior towards other men and/or not being able to find one single other man willing or able to create the kinds of friendships they covet. 'Men's relationships with each other suck, women must be to blame...somehow.'

Also dudes, the validation you're seeking isn't found in trying to one-up everyone around you, but in being a genuine team player. Be the person that helps others accomplish the things they set out to achieve, and accept their help in return. Support the people you care about without a hidden agenda or turning it into a quid pro quo negotiation.

Men will put literally zero effort into maintaining their relationships or even doing basic self care FOR THEMSELVES, only to turn around and cry about how "No one cares about men."

Bro, YOU don't even care!

And it's not even that you don't care about other men's mental health, you don't even care enough to care for your OWN mental health.

Posts like those just remind me that many guys really won't ever see women as equals, as autonomous humans that are capable of feeling complex emotions. They act like these basic feelings are exclusively male problems. Plenty of women struggle, but instead of feeling empathy, they just call women bitches or psychos. But then we're supposed to feel pity or empathy for them when they have issues, and hold their hand while they go through their rough patch? I'm pretty over it.

Men define manhood as subjugating women. They may not put it in those words to themselves, but their self-concept is about superiority to and dominion over someone - and it used to be much easier to assert that over a woman.

Now they're in a world where women may be their authorities in the workplace and they have to be appealing in some way to acquire a girlfriend or woman. Instead of adapting to this new era, they've just flailed and failed and blamed women for their problems.

And a lot of their loneliness and mental health issues stem from toxic masculinity. They're the ones who betray and degrade the women they "love." If I lived a life of lies where I watched painful porn but insisted it was healthy and respectful, future-faked to sleep with women and then dumped them, if I betrayed my wife and showed her nudes to my friends to score man points, and told my sobbing daughter it was her fault for being raped - yeah, my mental health would be utter shit too. Men can't be honest with themselves about their moral caliber but deep down they know the women in their lives would never love them if those women knew how they really thought and acted. No shit that's lonely.

I've seen so many men online just come out and say that they're not happy with how women can make our own choices, and aren't basically sold off to them like cattle anymore. It's absolutely insane. I also hate how so many of them think they're all alone in their loneliness and depression. Very many people feel lonely and depressed. I feel lonely and depressed every day. I don't have anyone at my beck and call, just because I'm a woman! Shocking. I know tons of women (including myself) who have not been taken seriously about our physical or mental health. It's just sad.

Ok, here's what I have to say to the modern man:

• Start exercising, preferrably join an amateur sports team. It's good for your mental health and a lot of you seem to like bitching that women won't look at you because you're not athletic.

• Do things with other men where you're sober.

• Talk to women at work or in your social circle and listen to what they have to say. Learning that they're real people will benefit your mental health because you won't see yourself as 'at war' with half the population, the half you really want to get close to.

• Ask other men how they are. If enough men start doing this, someone will ask how you are. Listen to other people's problems, and not just while waiting your turn to talk about yours.

• Volunteer for a charity, like sitting with the elderly or working at a soup kitchen. Even if it's just once every few months. Contributing to society will make you feel like you have a place in the world, and seeing that other people have bigger problems will ease your frustration with your own life. Don't make this 'something you'll get round to one day', google 'soup kitchen near me' and email them right now.

• Invest in yourself. Get therapy! No one has to know you're doing it if you don't want them to. If you need to feel heard, might as well pay someone to listen to you. Pretty much everyone I've ever met who turned their lives around included therapy in their overhaul.

• Get a nice hair cut and dress nicely. You don't need to walk around feeling ugly and lesser than other men! Even if you're short and fat, you can look good if you look like you care about yourself and have style. I venture to say that women are more attracted to snappy dressing than they are to a body type.

• Look around you at the men in relationships: your boss, your neighbours, people on your new sports team. Are they all 6'4'' gym rats? Probably not! There are average and below average looking people in relationships everywhere you go. Looks aren't a barrier to getting a relationship.

• If you find something is making you angry, spend less time on it. Do you come away from certain online spaces feeling shit and like your life is hopeless? Then stop doing that to yourself! Do you talk to guys who just tell you that no one likes you and no one ever will? Stop talking to them!

• If you want something, get help with it! What do you want? Google 'how to like yourself', 'how to make friends as an adult', or whatever is making you miserable. There is a LOT of advice out there.

• Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Ask a woman out for dinner; ask a man out to watch a game or go to a board game night; apply for a job you want. It's ok if you hear 'no', it's over in a second and no one has to know if it upsets you. You don't have to be embarrassed in front of other people, just smile and say OK and fake it til you make it.

• Nothing's going to change unless YOU do something! Don't let losers online tell you that you can't do it, you CAN! Start right now - Google local sports teams, local charities who need volunteers, what are the male celebrities you like wearing? Do it now!

Male tears. Yum. I’m gonna sleep well tonight. :) thanks for sharing

I, for one, am super happy about undeserving men dying alone. For every lonely loser, an angel gets its wings. Don't get me wrong, I have a male SO and we make eachother happy, I have a loving family and I still enjoy spending some time by myself. But men need to accept that they aren't entitled to anything, and women need to learn that they're happier alone than in a mediocre relationship. Let these scrotes die alone and unloved, they deserve it.

Dear men. Yall would have a purpose if you just gave yourself one. It's not society's fault that you spend all your free time jacking off and shitting on women. It's your own fault you're absolutely useless. You'd also be less lonely if you were willing to put even an ounce of effort into creating meaningful relationships but I suspect you've never even asked someone how they're doing before. Instead of spending time with your SOs that you don't deserve, you go behind her back to pull on your little dick. And when she gets tired of it and leaves, you wanna complain about her being insecure and how lonely you are. You spend all your time betraying the women in your lives and not bothering to reach out to any men in your lives and then you're shocked you wind up alone. And this one will be shocking for you but economics affects everyone. And considering reddit is primarily a bunch of white dudes, yall are the LEAST impacted by a bad economy.

TLDR; These are your problems, that you created and that you need to fix. It's not on society. These aren't "men's issues". They're your individual failings.

They act like they’re on such a strugglebus for being men when literally everything is in their favor because modern society was literally made for them. The rise of women not undervaluing themselves has made us turn the mirror on them and face the requirements and critiques women have faced for centuries to be seen as actual valued members of society.

I’m not sorry about it nor do I feel sympathetic for men at all. The rise of women requires knocking down men a few notches.

One person gets it.

Not to sound nihilistic but… nobody has any purpose?

The top comments seemed encouraging. They seemed to talk about issues that affect both men and women (which they don't realize) in a post covid world. Women blaming picks up as you scroll further down. Mainly blaming wives for controlling their husbands or complaining about how women have destroyed male only spaces (HAHAHAHA buddy we can't even pee in a female only space).

Idk if it's the biggest, but I have one. Lack of community. Fraternal organizations are now deemed toxic, outdated, and sexist. There are vanishingly few spaces where men are able to be together without any women present AND not be judged for it.

There are lots of spaces where women can be together with no men present, and it's seen as important sisterhood. If a man demands entry, he's a weirdo creeper. Not saying spaces exclusively for women shouldn't exist. They should. Spaces just for men should exist too.

This one takes the cake.

After marriage, women control most social interactions as a couple - anybody who has been married knows this is the trend. This makes men isolated from their friends. When the inevitable divorce happens - the men are stripped of their home, income, children, and friends - as the friendships leave when the women leaves. It is mens' fault they let women run the social show- and men suffer for it when they are out of a relationship. Since the focus of a mans life is usually the women, they really have nothing when the women leaves except maybe a career.

A man's work used to be a place of men mostly - so that would be an outlet for men to socialize during work and in all male clubs and bars - at least pre WW11. Since then however- almost all spaces have become unisex and men no longer have places to just be male with other males.