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RantIt is all so STUPID
.Just another angry rant about how mind numbingly ridiculous the whole thing is.
It’s been taking up too much space in my brain today so I’m releasing my rage here, amongst those who understand...
How can anyone buy into this complete nonsense? This ideology demands we pretend there is no physical difference between male and female humans.
We are supposed to buy that our father, upon claiming a special (and nebulous) “woman identity” is completely anatomically and societally indistinguishable from our mother? That he is just as much a “woman” as the female who gestated us for 9 months and pushed us into the world through her birth canal/had us surgically extracted from her womb?
I will not pretend that my body is the same as a male body. My whole life has been shaped by my female body and the way society treats females.
Even if males and females were treated with equality, even if there was no crime disparity or systematic misogyny, even if women were liberated and there was no patriarchy (though I think Transgenderism is a symptom of misogynistic society) I would not pretend this...because it is a lie. I won’t lie. We are distinct from men.
We grow up internalising the struggles of our sex class; in history class we learn that females are aborted in utero, or left out to die or abandoned in orphanages, that heirs are male, and female children were unwanted, a disappointment...we wonder if our dad wished we were a boy.
We learn from the news that women and girls are abused, kidnapped, raped and killed by men. All the time. We learn that some of them deserved it for dressing the wrong way or walking in the wrong place or asking for it. We learn to stay away from strange men.
We know that if we were born in less fortunate circumstances we would be denied education, have our genitals mutilated, be forced to marry men twice our age...because we are female. We learn what happens to girls in other countries and our own.
We learn from our mothers that domestic and emotional labour is our domain, they didn’t have our opportunities - they were secretaries, receptionists, nurses ... their career paths limited because of their sex, their presumed reproductive capabilities. Their dreams never mattered as much as those of our fathers.
We learn from our peers that we are good at things “for a girl” (yet oddly enough, our male peers are taunted when they do things “like a girl” 🤔) we are chastised for being “unladylike”. When our bodies change, our male peers change towards us. So do older men. We are still children but suddenly our bodies are public property.
I could go on and on and on about being a female in this world. The objectification, the humiliation, the hardship, the biological struggles, the injustice, the sisterhood. The millions of ways our experience is different to men.
The universal experience of “womanhood” is being female in this misogynistic and completely male-centric world.
And all this horrible minimising of woman’s experiences, blatant untruths of biological denialism and denial of male depravity...it is SO unfair and so cruel. To deny women the ability to define their own bodies and experiences as female and distinct from men. To force us to pretend that our experience is isolated - not female specific (because that hurts the feelings of some narcissistic men)
What I want to ask the privileged idiots who buy into this foolishness is this....if you castrate a bull and stick a bow on its head does it become a cow?
Put a dog in a pink diamanté collar and is it magically a bitch?
No? Human beings cannot change sex. That is a fact. If you deny this then you are an imbecile who is colluding in gaslighting and abusing women and girls.
Sorry for how long and jumbled this rant turned out to be. It’s just so fucking maddening. Being demonised for understanding the most basic of truths...men are not, and cannot be, women (and vice versa) it is all gaslighting on an international scale. But how weak minded do people have to be to fall for it? How has it gotten this bad? :/
I'm sorry, bi women and lesbians have to stick together and stand up for each other. No more letting men pit us up against each other!
YES exactly this!! I hope I didn't come across as divisive because I really just want to help heal those wounds if I can.
I stand with you, sister.
Awesome. Let's change the world!!!
Man if this were the 70s, we here could make the most kickass womyn's commune.
As a fellow bi woman I can very much relate to this. I’ve had more people question my sexuality than I can count. Any discussion of it in fact seems to be an invitation for people to try to argue that bisexuality is not real and I must be mistaken, despite having had relationships with both men and women. I’ve also had women I’ve dated ask on the date if I think bisexuals are more likely to cheat (I loath cheaters). Some lesbians have also told me they wouldn’t date a bisexual since they believe they always end up with men. I don’t mind that they choose to leave us out of their dating pool but it’s not fun having them stereotype you to your face. Despite these situations and so many similar ones I’ve also been informed I don’t count as part of the LGB community as much because I don’t face the same discrimination. I honestly try really hard not to bring it up if I can avoid it at this point.
Thank you, I totally know what you mean. Of course we face discrimination and homophobia from straight people (no homophobe has ever stopped bashing someone upon finding out their target of choice is "not gay, just bi") but we also get a lot of flack in gay communities. Which I mean, I understand why, but it still hurts. And it really hurts when you're left feeling like you have nowhere to turn. That kind of thing causes real harm when bisexual people feel like we're not welcome at LGB(T) centers for STD and pregnancy testing, while also feeling unwelcome at the normal doctor.
And these days even the bisexual community itself is hostile to real bisexuals. I'm honestly really tired of my fellow bisexuals not only doing the whole "we're not oppressed, please validate me" thing, but also saying fucked up stuff like "I think bisexuality is caused by abuse!" or "I think bisexuality is caused by mental illness!" (both of which I have seen regularly and recently.) I've even had a therapist ask me "do you ever wonder if your attraction to women was caused by the abuse you experienced?" I told her "no" and she didn't press further, but still, at this point most people understand that these kinds of questions are completely inappropriate to ask of "real gays." But somehow when it comes to bisexuals, it's still completely kosher to treat us like medical curiosities.
Oh wow I can’t believe you’ve also heard the question about whether your bisexuality is a result of abuse thing too! That’s wild! I don’t understand how hard it is to conceptually grasp bisexuality as a natural state for people who accept heterosexual and homosexual orientations. You are absolutely right that for whatever reason it elicits questions that would be understood as completely innapropriate otherwise. 🤦🏻♀️
For the longest time I also denied my orientation because whenever I tried to talk to other people about it they said I probably just admired and wanted to be like the women I had crushed on. I have also admired and wanted to be like other women before but it is such a different experience. It took me until my early 20’s to understand myself completely partly because of all those dismissive comments.
Its been difficult to find people to talk to about my experience since I have never actually met another woman who is bi IRL. It really does come with it’s own set of challenges.
You are absolutely right that for whatever reason it elicits questions that would be understood as completely innapropriate otherwise. 🤦🏻♀️
What is it about bisexuality that sends people back to a 1950s understanding of homosexuality? Haha.
For the longest time I also denied my orientation because whenever I tried to talk to other people about it they said I probably just admired and wanted to be like the women I had crushed on. I have also admired and wanted to be like other women before but it is such a different experience. It took me until my early 20’s to understand myself completely partly because of all those dismissive comments.
This is a real thing. I think bisexuals are uniquely vulnerable to the "no you're not" form of homophobia because when people see us expressing attraction to the opposite sex, it gives them a convenient avenue to dismiss our entire orientation.
I hope you can find some semblance of bi female community IRL! Or at least some supportive GC lesbian friends. Every bit of female community makes all the difference.
bisexual community itself is hostile to real bisexuals.
You might want to search for the "bipandas" They use it as an umbrella term, but they're terrible. Subjected Grenfell tower survivors to retraumatization in their 'protest' tactics. It makes no sense.
I met another bisexual who thought it was cause by abuse recently. It's depressing.
Oof. They look pretty vile. Again, it's shit like this...
It occurs to me, maybe the tidal wave of asshole "bisexuals" has to do with the fact it's an identity straight people can stealth their way into, much like trans.
The thing about being gay is, you have to behave like a gay. But heterosexuals can claim a bi identity while still acting straight, and it's politically incorrect to question them because no one wants to be that asshole who tells a real bisexual they're a faker (as it should be, really.) Much like they can claim a trans or "non-binary" identity while changing as little about their life as they want.
I'm not even sure if I can articulate properly how I feel about my bisexuality. I've always pretended I didn't struggle, but always feeling like a fraud trying to date women and then feeling like a target for men, specially when I briefly got in touch with the polyamorous "community". I made mistake of having a threesome twice. Once left me feeling like a toy for a bored couple and another time feeling like an experiment. I recently tried dating apps again and put in my description I don't do threesomes.
Other bisexual women I know practically only date men, or are in a long term relationship with men, some never even been with women. In the past few years all bi women I've met are into polyamory and/or are TRAs. All the lesbians I've ever met were in monogamous relationships.
Now this bullshit about "the best of both worlds". No. Just no. I don't want to be with a narcissistic man who thinks he's like me, and I don't want to be with a woman who rejects her womanhood. I don't want to be with people who are deliberately poisoning and harming their bodies. I don't want to touch a tube of arm skin sewed into a crotch, and I don't want to touch an inverted penis.
My family doesn't know I'm bi (they don't usually meet the people I date, or even hear about them unless it becomes serious), and I feel like they wouldn't believe me if I told, that if I showed up with a girlfriend they'd think it's a phase or that I'm having a mental breakdown.
I've heard so many times that I only like women when I'm disappointed at men and when I meet another guy I'll forget about women, so many times accused of saying I'm bi to get attention from men. Lesbians not wanting to date bisexuals are no bother next to that. With the lesbians I just don't take it personally, but it really pisses me off that even when I'm trying to date women, people still make it about men.
"Privilege" only exists for those who are in long term monogamous relationships with opposite sex. I still need the same right to marry a woman and the same right of not being hate crimed if I'm with a woman as any lesbian.
At this point I feel like being bisexual makes you a magnet for the worst, perviest people. I never thought too much about it, but it's been bothering me lately.
My family doesn't know I'm bi (they don't usually meet the people I date, or even hear about them unless it becomes serious), and I feel like they wouldn't believe me if I told, that if I showed up with a girlfriend they'd think it's a phase or that I'm having a mental breakdown.
This is what happened to me. I came out to my mom when I was 14. I didn't know if I was gay or bi at the time, but either way I told her I liked girls and she flatly refused to believe me because she'd seen me have crushes on boys and as usual, people don't even consider bisexuality to be in the realm of possibility.
It went so badly I didn't even bother to tell my dad. Then when he found out a couple years later he was pissed off because "nobody tells me anything in this family." Of course it's all about him. Later he'd awkwardly explain to me that we "run in different circles," i.e. he doesn't relate to me anymore because I'm infected with "the gay."
But even if you don't come out, that's its own kind of trauma if your parents are homophobic. You still hear those messages, plus you have to deal with the stress of hiding who you are.
"Privilege" only exists for those who are in long term monogamous relationships with opposite sex.
You know, I used to agree with this but the thing is, I recently learned bisexual women are massively disproportionately abused by male partners. Which means even if you date one man exclusively and monogamously, you're still way more likely to be abused for who you are. And I'm not so sure you'll be safe if you try to hide it from him, either. For example, we know (proto) gay children are way more likely to be abused by adults. So apparently people can just tell. Which is kind of scary to think about, but I guess it makes sense from a biological perspective. We've evolved to be pretty sophisticated when it comes to detecting attraction and arousal and pheromones and all that. Not to mention people just have, y'know, gaydar.
I don't know about you, but in my natural state I come across pretty gay. I love flannel and I don't shave my armpits. Etc. etc. Guys can still abuse you for that stuff, even if you're not literally saying "I'm bisexual." So I don't really think monogamous long-term relationships with men are an escape from oppression. They haven't been for me, anyway. It's not "privilege" if you're dating a homophobe, which most men are on some level.
Other bisexual women I know practically only date men, or are in a long term relationship with men, some never even been with women.
Yeah again, I used to feel judgey toward this type of person too, but honestly I kind of get it now. It's fucking hard to meet women. I'm sure there are a lot of bisexual women out there wishing they could be with a woman. But the fact of the matter is: tons of lesbians don't date bisexuals, tons of "bisexuals" are not, and men pursue you like a pack of starving dogs, even moreso than straight women. It's hard not to end up with a man, as a bisexual woman.
Honestly ever time I've been in love with a woman, it's always been a fellow bisexual girl trapped in a dead-end relationship with boring straight men who kept us too socially isolated to ever get together and even begin to have the "let's leave our boyfriends and be together" conversation.
So I try not to judge anymore. I save all that resentment for so-called bisexual women who openly admit they're disgusted by pussy. YOU, ma'am, are straight.
At this point I feel like being bisexual makes you a magnet for the worst, perviest people. I never thought too much about it, but it's been bothering me lately.
Yes, you're absolutely right. And it takes a toll. Don't even get me started on the anxiety, depression and substance abuse rates for bisexual women. But that's why I'm so extremely grateful to have a space like this where we can start to support one another without all the bullshit stereotypes and accusations.
Anyway thanks for your reply, I also had some horrible nightmarish experiences with the poly community. So thankful to be done with that crap.
I used to agree with this but the thing is, I recently learned bisexual women are massively disproportionately abused by male partners.
That's why I put "privilege" in quotation marks. Is it really privilege? Aside from the fact that you can "pass" as straight to other people, and that your marriage will be legally recognised everywhere in the world, there's nothing in it for us being with men. Being the woman in a heterosexual relationship is never really a privilege.
I used to feel judgey toward this type of person too, but honestly I kind of get it now.
I don't judge them at all, I was just stating a fact, that most bisexual women I know usually date men. I know the reasons. It's the same reason why I've been with more men than women disproportionally. Finding men to date is much easier, mostly because there are more straight men than same sex attracted women. You articulated it better than I did, you are right. We don't have many spaces to connect with other women, it's hard to find women to date, specially now that all lesbian bars are gone and lesbian apps are filled with men, and bi women just settle for men because it's easier.
That's why I put "privilege" in quotation marks. Is it really privilege? Aside from the fact that you can "pass" as straight to other people, and that your marriage will be legally recognised everywhere in the world, there's nothing in it for us being with men. Being the woman in a heterosexual relationship is never really a privilege.
Right, well said. Men already treat straight women like garbage and they treat bisexual women even worse. I wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self "I know you're getting love-bombed by a lot of extremely persistent guys right now, but please don't make the mistake of trusting them. Their intentions are really bad. I know it feels impossible to meet girls but please try to be patient and find a safe circle of females to bond with instead of these porn-addicted male losers."
it's hard to find women to date, specially now that all lesbian bars are gone and lesbian apps are filled with men, and bi women just settle for men because it's easier.
Ugh, tell me about it. I used to sit around daydreaming about being grown up and having all these awesome lesbians and bisexual friends, lesbian bars to hang out in, going to pride and protests and fighting for our rights, living in a gay village one day and feeling myself part of a real community of my peers.... but by the time I got there, it was all completely gone.
But I guess that's why we're here. And that infrastructure is almost all still there, we can still go online and view the gay protests and rallies from the 70s, read their books and articles, watch interviews with prominent gay activists as recently as the 90s... and there are still a decent number of lesbian communes to this day, quietly doing their thing. There are still real woman-only spaces and events, if you can find them. If we can just reestablish our precedent to form communities that do not include men, we can pick up more or less exactly where we left off. Except we're even wiser now, when it comes to acceptance of monogamy and bisexuality, the harms of kink and porn, the importance of honoring motherhood, the flaws of "political" lesbianism, the acceptance of butch lesbians, etc. etc.
I wish there was more bi solidarity as it's own thing separate from "kinda gay?" I don't like to compare myself to the L, and certainly not in a self-flagellating way like that picture. We have our own shit, and the bisexual community is entirely captured online by woke stuff, and I don't think we need to temper everything by stating how much more privileged we are in some cases. Tbh, I wish we had o/bisexual because while an L/B circle like this is nice, "loving women" isn't all that makes me bi.
Idk, I'm biracial and bisexual, and in both cases I feel like I'm stuck between two people arguing, and they both don't want me on their side.
Lol I just made a comment expressing a similar sentiment. I feel ostracized from both straight and gay women. They don't want me around for different reasons. It's their choice but it hurts.
Hah. That captures the bisexual experience quite well.
You're not the first one I've seen suggesting bisexuals should have their own circle. Personally I guess I have mixed feelings? For one, for the health of any internet community, it's usually pretty wise not to divide a community unless absolutely necessary. Technically speaking it would be much wiser to have one big WLW circle than a lesbian circle, a WLW circle, a bisexual-exclusive circle, a febfem circle, a detrans lesbian circle, a butch lesbian circle, a tomboy bisexual circle... you get the idea. On reddit you can get away with that kind of thing, but Ovarit doesn't have that size of userbase.
For two, as much as I can't stand biphobia, it just warms my heart so much when we do all get along and find solidarity between one another. If there are savvy and/or big-hearted lesbians who can still stand us, personally I want to hang with them.
And for three, so much of the biphobia I've experienced has actually been from other bisexuals. I have to wonder, would a bisexual-exclusive circle even fix the problem? The toxicity levels here in o/wlw are actually pretty low, from what I've seen. I have seen plenty of biphobia on Ovarit, but not here.
But on the other hand, if it's something the bisexual ladies all want, it's probably something they should have (if we were getting new circles at the moment, anyway.) And who knows, maybe it wouldn't divide the community at all, and we'd all just be happier for it.
Either way, it's certainly something to think about.
Hey, as a lesbian, you are allowed to be mad at/talk about people who generalize you based on sexual orientation. It's not okay when people do it to lesbians/gays, same as bisexuals.
Seconding a thank you. Even on this site I see women say we're probably cheaters and that we probably value relationships with men over women. It's just not true, at least in my case. If I'm reading these sentiments in the lesbian sub (I browse, don't post obv) I brush it off but it still upsets me. I'm not sure if it's biphobic or not though.
Thank you, it feels so good to see this kind of support. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is against us, but maybe I have more of a community than I thought. We've just been isolated from one another, and beaten down and kept from the resources we need. But it's there, if we can find it. And if we can start find one another again, they won't be able to stop us anymore. Our voices will drown out the ignorance.
I'm sick of it too. I know there are gradations of being bisexual, but these jerks i wish i could kick them out of the so-called club. I was listening to Sekhmet She-Owl anaylzing that article circulating called "Diary of a hole" and i donno, it came off as ... i donno. I don't want to be associated with these people either.
I've noticed too, like when the first series of the L word came out, many transsexuals' actually switched their sexual orientation (ie. lesbians would become straight if that makes sense). Now many trans people are simply retaining their attractions. I donno, it seems like a change or maybe the l word was wrong.
I feel a lot of sympathy with lesbians. I was called dyke. I was outed at 14/15. Men came and told me they were "a lesbian trapped in a woman's body". Male teens lined me and my girlfriend and other friends up. They said our school was a disease since it was all girls. They threw beer bottles at us. They said my girlfriend was an "it." This shit is traumatizing for me. Maybe not as much as many lesbians, but i suspect as much as a few lesbians.
It's making the gays and lesbians resent us even more than they already do, and I don't blame them.
I don't blame them either. And I don't blame my exs who were insecure i'd go after a man either. I've felt insecurity dating bisexual men that they'd seek out men and the coercion to make the relationship poly.
I'm sorry you were groomed and abused. The CDC has released statistics that bisexual women are at even more risk than lesbians and heterosexual women of intimate partner violence throughout their lifetime. But, statistics does not make a person and i grieve for all survivors/victims of abuse. I'm not going to play oppression points of the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score or others. Abuse is abuse. If your sibling is less than 5 years older than you, it's still abuse.
It's kind of the "worst of both worlds." I've tried, i have. But, to try you need to self-delude yourself to some extent. I'm attracted to some 'agender' women, but it's like anyone else, you loose the attraction what you see they don't have the same shared values.
The stigma of being promiscuous that bisexuals face is not fun or something i wish on anyone.
I was listening to Sekhmet She-Owl anaylzing that article circulating called "Diary of a hole" and i donno, it came off as ... i donno. I don't want to be associated with these people either.
Oof. That was a tough listen. But yes, this is the exact dynamic I was talking about.
And again, it's like clockwork: Is this woman even really bisexual??? Because she only describes actually being attracted to, and wanting to have sex with, men. Her "date" with Kate sounds more like a casual hangout between gal pals than a romantic encounter, and she describes zero attraction to Kate (unlike the multiple gay men she repeatedly imposes herself upon.)
To me she reads like a typical feminine heterosexual woman with an obsession for gay men. And yet here she is, describing herself as a "bisexual slut" (which might as well be considered an anti-bisexual slur at this point) and making us real bisexual women look like goddam sociopaths in the eyes of gays and lesbians.
I've noticed too, like when the first series of the L word came out, many transsexuals' actually switched their sexual orientation (ie. lesbians would become straight if that makes sense). Now many trans people are simply retaining their attractions. I donno, it seems like a change or maybe the l word was wrong.
I remember that too. It was usually excused with "I was always attracted to this type of person, I just didn't accept it because I wasn't able to live as my right gender."
I feel like I still see it occasionally, but not as much. It used to be almost everyone ended up changing their orientation after transition. But then again I remember TIMs who used to go around trying to actively take other trans people and "convert them to liking dick." Like, there was an active pressure to accept penises in the trans community at that point.
On top of that, you know.... if your idea of your "orientation" is "I only date other transmen now, so I went from being a lesbian to being a gay man" or "I went from dating men exclusively to dating men and transwomen, so I became bisexual"... we all know that orientation is the same damn thing it's always been.
This shit is traumatizing for me. Maybe not as much as many lesbians, but i suspect as much as a few lesbians.
See, why should you even have to qualify it that way? I know, I understand why you say it like that, but trauma is trauma. Why should we be forced to grovel to the "real gays" every time we discuss our experiences of oppressions and discrimination? I see bisexuals doing this all the time, especially bisexual women.
I'm certainly not going to claim we have it worse than lesbians or gay men, but I honestly think it's a vast oversimplification to ever say we have it "better." We're a type of homosexual. We experience violence and discrimination. Your story is so heartbreaking and sad, and your pain is real. You shouldn't have to qualify it.
In some ways gay men have it better than lesbians, in some ways they have it worse (public gay bashing). In some ways bisexuals have it better than lesbians and gays, and in some ways we have it worse (domestic and sexual violence.) We're all in this together, we shouldn't have to compare ourselves to one another and self-flagellate.
I'm sorry you were groomed and abused. The CDC has released statistics that bisexual women are at even more risk than lesbians and heterosexual women of intimate partner violence throughout their lifetime.
Thank you, and I'm sorry for the horrible gay bashing you were subjected to. Whether it happens in public or private, oppression is oppression.
It's kind of the "worst of both worlds." I've tried, i have. But, to try you need to self-delude yourself to some extent. I'm attracted to some 'agender' women, but it's like anyone else, you loose the attraction what you see they don't have the same shared values.
Ugh, I know what you mean. I did once date a TIF who wasn't planning on hormones or surgery, but the emotional toll was pretty huge. In addition to the minefield of pronouns and names and all that, she was a very mentally ill person. She was also one of those "I call myself bisexual but I've never slept with a woman and I'm uncomfortable to try" types. She was also poly but trying to "make it work" being monogamous with me. She ended up dumping me because she wanted to sleep around.
So yeah, again, just your basic poly trans "bisexual" straight woman fucking up the LGB community.
The stigma of being promiscuous that bisexuals face is not fun or something i wish on anyone.
It's pretty soul-crushing, especially when you're like... a super monogamous, radical feminist, CSA survivor. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex and sexuality, but the image of the hyperfeminine bisexual poly partygirl couldn't be further from my reality. I just want to build log cabins and grow kale to feed to my spouse.
Edit: Just to make it clear, I totally understand why you would feel the need to say "maybe lesbians have it worse" and I'm definitely not criticizing you for saying it at all. I just wish we didn't have to feel the need to put disclaimers on our own pain like that.
I agree with what you say about the article. I really cringe at women calling themselves slut, especially when they mean they are promiscuous.
Thanks for your thoughts on changing orientation. I knew one in 2000 and i don't know what his orientation was really, and was getting hormones on the street. One i vaguely new in 2007 and he definitely did change. All the ones after that that i knew, i think we bisexual to begin with.
I've also encountered ones who weren't going to take hormones. One of my lesbian exs we'd hang out with a woman (TIF/NB) she was a bit confused. One of the times i peaked though, was my girlfriend sharing her worries that she wasn't really lesbian after she had been with her. The mental gymnastics! They are both sweethearts and good people, maybe too good to be so hyper concerned.
Oh, no worries, you're fine. I had some kale last night. Reminds me i want to start growing parsley. Carry on.
I agree with what you say about the article. I really cringe at women calling themselves slut, especially when they mean they are promiscuous.
No one should be promiscuous because the word literally means "indiscriminate; without discrimination." Even people who have many sexual partners should not be indiscriminate. There's a difference between intentionally and mindfully choosing many different sexual partners, and just fucking whoever, whenever.
And that's what makes the word "slut" especially sinister. When we promote the idea that a certain type of woman is indiscriminate in choosing sexual partners, it opens the door for men to essentially say "who cares whether she really wanted me or not? She's indiscriminate."
For that reason I really hate the word "slut," even as a "reclaiming" thing for people who have a lot of sexual partners. If you want to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women, great, if that's what you enjoy. You might get herpes or papiloma virus, but it's not like you'll get HIV from another woman.
But if you go around calling yourself a "slut" it carries harmful implications not only for yourself, but women everywhere. You really want to promote the idea that there is a certain kind of woman out there fucking people without even considering "am I attracted to this person? Do they have an STD? Are they my ex? Are we too drunk for this? Is this an inappropriate time/place for a hookup?"
So I really dislike the word "slut" and I find it very harmful when other women use it even to describe themselves. It puts the idea into the minds of perverted men that there is such a thing as a "slut" whose sexual boundaries do not operate the same way as a non-slut. And the word "promiscuous" is literally in the dictionary definition of "slut" so it's always going to mean more than "a woman with many sexual partners." It has an inherent implication of missing sexual boundaries.
And of course once a man latches onto this idea that there is a certain type of woman known as a "slut," it opens the door for him attempting to determine which women he knows might secretly "be a slut," and therefor open to sexual exploitation. "It wasn't rape, she was a slut" is literally a defense used in the courts for hundreds of years. Do we really need women out there promoting the idea that some women are, in fact, sluts?
I would put forth the idea that the only "type" of woman having indiscriminate sex is mentally unwell and engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Even mentally-healthy women with high libidos who have many sexual partners are not doing so indiscriminately, they're doing it thoughtfully and responsibly (if they are, in fact, mentally-healthy.)
Anyway that's my rant on the word "slut."
One of the times i peaked though, was my girlfriend sharing her worries that she wasn't really lesbian after she had been with her.
Oy. It's ridiculous we've come to this.
Oh, no worries, you're fine. I had some kale last night. Reminds me i want to start growing parsley. Carry on.
I've been trying to eat more of it. You know, "dark leafy greens are best" and all that. It's amazing how long it continues to grow into the cold months. It's so easy to throw a handfull into chili or spaghetti sauce, too.
Even women hear go off about how privileged we are. Which yeah, I get it. But sometimes the biphobia is insane. We're privileged because "we can just date men" but if we date a man then we're "basically straight and not really LGBT." Idk sometimes I feel like I just can't win with both straight and gay people.
As a lesbian, I do not feel that what you write, in any way, is negative towards lesbians (or gay men).
It is fucked up for all of us today. Our sexual orientations- lesbian, straight, gay and bi have been hijacked by the lunatics. We pretty much are all in this crazy pornified, genderfied, identified, kinkified, horrible culture, just trying to survive.
I understand what you are saying and thanks for saying it.
I keep stressing that when the loons claim all kinds of identities, there are only 3 sexual orientations and two sexes. Preference has zero to do with anyone’s sexual orientation.
Thank you, I really really appreciate the solidarity. We're all in this fight together! Especially us homosexual women. The authentic ones, anyway :)