I grew up with the trope of the "predatory lesbian", and I always have it in my head that even thinking of a woman being attractive is preying on her.
I think I might be attracted to some men (fictional ones), but even that makes me feel guilty. Like I am somehow betraying women by having feelings for men.
I feel ashamed for having a sex drive. Sex is still associated with my parents in my mind (abuse), so even thinking about it is gross.
And I feel embarassed for being relatively inexperienced for my age.
I'm having trouble reconciling all of this. There's no one in my life with whom there is a mutual attraction, so it's just me and my mind. It's kind of tormenting me.